Making the manly decision to give up porn

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Making the manly decision to give up porn

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· This article was written by a man
· This article was last updated November 2011

Domme, switch, submissive, slave - what is in a name or Artificial expectations created by snapshots?

     Popular FemDom/BDSM terms domme, switch, submissive, and slave are often used to describe the behavior and position of people involved in BDSM relationships. A domme is supposed to be the all powerful leader; clad in leather or latex; or perhaps a seductive innocent looking girlish women who is devious - all that depends on your fetish and there is no end to the variants. Yes it is a fetish. You should know that the root of the word fetish means "artificial." That image of the domme is from a photo or video.

The root of the word fetish means "artificial."

     Dictionary.com defines "fetish" as: ...A course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment.... Does anybody see the word "relationship" in there? Does anybody see the word "sustainable" in there? The very definition said it is "excessive and irrational." It's okay to enjoy fetishes but building a healthy growing relationship all about fetish is only fantasy even in level 4 and beyond. Even those pro-dommes and leather clad models on the internet get sick and look like hell when they have slept too long. They wake in the morning with bad breath, pass gas, and get in car wrecks. They have money troubles and make bad choices. Of course that perfect snapshot never will do any of those things, will it?

Sucking the life out of good men

     Okay, why all the bashing of dommes and models? There is a mystique that has almost no reality created by snapshots of women in internet porn that sucks the life out of those addicted to it. Unreal expectations are created in the mind of men about women. Your mate may like dress-up and states of undress but the vast majority of her life is spent in normal everyday activities that are mundane. If you create an image of your mate based on a still life photo or looping video you have a artificial (the root meaning of "fetish") idea which hurts you, her, and your relationship.

Let's discuss switch, submissive, slave as labels now.

     Next, Do you see yourself as the man being dominated, in pain, forced, in bondage, naked and groveling; you know that snapshot of the image on internet porn site you want to see yourself in? You envision yourself a switch, submissive, or slave to a powerful domme? Ya I know, it is so hot; but you have created an "artificial" idea that is both "excessive and irrational" by taking that image into your mind. You have created an artificial image from still life or looping video. You sir are a "man", get that through your head, start acting like one. Men need relationship, man was not created to be alone. A man takes care of those he loves, seeks to do good, takes courage when needed, shows honor where honor is due, and get joy out of serving his mate. I had a perfect moment once; when my mate tied me up in such a way I felt I was in that image, but I had to go to work the next day, pick up my kids from school, solve a crisis my daughter was facing with a boy, and help my wife by being a good listener. You can't live in still life, you can only play at it.

     Take a step back, stop looking at porn, FemDom and BDSM and reframe your image of your mate as a leader, skilled, confident, purposeful, attractive, interesting, intelligent, desirable, the source of your pleasure, and having the same human qualities we all have; including flaws, quirks, and problems. Doing this will help you see your mate in a positive light and when she makes a mistake or takes a wrong turn; you will not be so quick to criticize, pull back, or take back control. Help her work it out, help her pick up the pieces, support her, and encourage her. You might be better at solving that problem than she is but she is your leader and you are there to help her. That is better for FLR, you and her.

     Make the commitment today to leave porn in your past. Get yourself into an accountability group, tell your mate you need help and ask her to make you accountable to her. Whether or not you are in an FLR this is the right thing to do.

»» Do you live near Melbourne Australia? ««
'My wife and I want to connect with other couples currently engaged in a Female-led relationship, who live in Melbourne, Australia. We wish to start a program of regular munches/meetups and establish a local support network' Please make contact if interested: Kate and Christian Mitchell
 
 
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Women were asked
I like the thought of managing our life?
26% 3% 71%
 
 
 
In Some Ways No Yes

*on-going poll requested of women

97% of women like the idea of managing the couples lives. Add this to the 99% of women interested in having the final decision in the couples lives and it speaks volumes about how women feel.

 
Women were asked
I like the thought of changing him?
34% 11% 55%
 
 
 
In Some Ways No Yes

*on-going poll requested of women

Women think highly of the idea of changing their men. 89% of those polled were positive about it. So another strong motive is a woman's desire to control their environment and their men.

 

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