One man's attempt to define what he means by female led relationship -

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· This article was last updated September 2011

Defining my role

--By Mark Aster

An erotic desire to be subject (to my woman whom I have a deeply committed relation with).

subject -- (a person who owes allegiance to a dominant leader")

1. subject -- (make accountable for; "He wanted to subject himself to the judgments of his superior")
2. subjugate, subject -- (make subservient; force himself to submit)
3. submit, subject -- (refer for judgment or consideration; "he submitted a proposal to her")

subject, dependent -- (being under the power or sovereignty of another; "subject peoples"; "a dependent prince")

What I think I want

I want to test something, the opposite of how I was trained. A relationship where my woman is dominant and I am subordinate/subjective. Notice I did not say submissive, that is just not me. What I think I want is more control and connection in my life, from a relationship where my woman has authority over me (is the head of our household). Where my woman can tell me 'no' or 'do it' and it is the final word and I have obligated myself to follow.

A loving relationship that scratches an itch for both of us who have been disappointed with relationships. Her itch is having always known she was a natural leader and decision maker who feels competent and wants a cheerleader, helpmate and support system from her man - she get off on power and control.

My itch is for more control and direction, discipline and shared success. I get off when others are successful when I have helped them. She gets off on being on top and feeling in control (security), gives her confidence. We are not locked into this, she will likely need to practice. Changes to the design and agreement are expected.

I want to know she gets it and gets me!. I am not a slave, I am a prince who is yielding himself. I want her to define the benefits of this relationship for herself, understand them, know the psychology, the motives; the alluring power of these feelings, and use them to full advantage for herself and me. I want her to understand the power of sex to motivate, the male ego, the power exchange between mates, the power of negative reinforcement on adults, the intimacy that comes from stripping away the controlled layers between men and women.

My Heart

My heart would be to have a woman design our relationship with my thoughts in mind so it was not like I am the one in charge by suggesting it (that has been the disappointment I've experienced). Kinda like her first act as head would be to layout her design and get my commitment. I don't want it to be all MY idea, though I will want to contribute to it and have my views incorporated.

We would need to practice, weekends, free time, whenever, start small, make adjustments, move on.

I want to be treated like an adult who is independent yet also dependent, I don't need a mother or a care giver; I desire a leader and orderer if you will. Where the decision making authority must be passed through her as the higher authority in our home, where I am obligated to consult on any given decision (as defined by her) and if the decision goes against mine, to follow her decision.

She would have the authority to control any aspect of my life and ask me to yield it to her. She would naturally want this authority and would be willing to take charge and control as needed.

I understand that no one wants to be in control all the time and micro managing will upset both of us. She will want me to make many decisions for us, though reserve the higher level of and final decisions for herself. I imagine we will consult on major decisions and she will value my experience and wisdom on the matter.

I also want to know that by serving her in very personal intimate ways she will benefit and appreciate it very much. Personal ways that are not common to relationships such as routine foot rub, helping her dress, showering her, and full body rubs with warm oil. This will bring us in close intimate contact, a good time for her to unload and de-stress and for me to get out of my maleness and serve. This need not be sexual. (routine builds security)

Our Roles

My desire is like a role reversal for a dominate male and a submissive female with some sensual and erotic overtones and the twist of negative reinforcement (discipline/punishment) when required (similar to the Christian discipline movement of Taken In Hand; but reversed). I imagine this relationship would make her feel both privileged and responsible, in addition to being supported in a way she had never been supported before.

We would have well defined roles: I work for myself as a consultant and entrepreneur from home this gives me more time for housework and errands (I already do them), sometime to cook meals (if she does not want to cook); for shopping, get the car serviced, etc.... I would think of myself as her helpmate and attendant. I am not submissive or docile (quite the opposite), though I could be subservient (meaning her servant). On an emotional and personal level we would always be peers but by agreement she would be leader and I follower, she in control and I relinquishing control.

Because she is both caring and wise I believe she would treat me as a wise very dominate wonderful man treats a wonderful wife - with the notion of my desire (and hers) for correction. This will help us avoid conflict, there will be no degradation between us and both of us will be able to grow more together than apart. Every woman gets bitchy and angry - this is up to her to use or not use in our relationship. At some level it is okay, extremes are tiresome.

I don't want and will not accept feminization or any kind; nor humiliation for petty reasons (if you don't like men then you need to find a boy toy). It is one thing to correct a man and devastate his ego for the right reason (I have had to do this in the work place from time to time and had it done to me), it is altogether another matter to humiliate him. One is good teaching and while painful yields good fruit, the latter is destructive and divisive. I am a man's man with some level of refinement as a gentleman and I want to continue so. Don`t look to me for a whipping boy or a yes man.

I imagine part of my daily routines would include foot rubs for her, perhaps full body rubs; a greeting her at the door to take her coat and bags, helping put away her clothes, helping her dress in comfortable clothes and fetching things for her while she relaxes. Routine will be an important part of this lifestyle.

She would understand the psychology of making demands and of privilege in leadership and expecting them to be done in the way she intended. When most man follow the demands of others they automatically look up to those people as being in authority. Granting privilege is something only a person with the freedom and ability to grant it can do, thus the greater grants to the lessor/the stronger to the weaker; though the freedom itself may make them equals one had to give it or earn it.

She would understand the psychology of negative reinforcement and punishment. Taking away privilege, strictly observing and controlling the process of change (quality control), punishment (such as spanking or worse). Very painful negative reinforcements works for many adults (that is how our laws work - you don't get punished unless you do something wrong). I want control and controlled change, the discipline of following someone else's rules and the consequence of not respecting those rules. Petty and micro rules are fine, I get the toilet seat thing but the character of rules should be one of governing freedoms not taking them away.

Things that make it feel she is in control (psychology):

  • Her making demands on me (commands)
  • Expecting me to ask to spend money
  • Expecting me sleep naked
  • Asking me to remain or get naked while she is dressed
  • Making rules and enforcing them
  • Bowing, kneeling
  • Punishment by spanking or belting while I am naked, included timeout
  • Orgasm denial
  • Expecting me to serve her

I expect training/growth towards some goals, she will make some goals for us, and for me; and we will work on them with her supervision. I expect well defined rules and consequences and stick and quick enforcement. Lingering consequences make for unsureness and insecurity; unequally enforced consequences make for rebellion (observe the speed limit for example)

She would understand the psychology of nakedness for men. I would expect she would treat me as a dominate man would treat his wife and want me to be naked or dressed some way that excites her, or some other way to gratify her that she is in control and that I am willing to please her and take risks (things that men want from women). I know it is not commonly thought of as sexy when men do many of the things women commonly do. But by crossing this ground role reversal is demonstrated and reinforced, though some of it just seems silly not sexy, I guess that is okay too).

I don't believe women are goddesses or superior to men nor have I yet met a woman who is that interested in being so. I think that the woman who wants this lifestyle wants a fair shake at leading, being loved and respected for their abilities and contribution, she wants to feel secure and in control (for the most part), she wants genuine affection from her man (who is all man), and a shot at developing a relationship where her voice is stronger and she gets the support she needs to be successful. She wants eroticism and sensuality in uncommon ways, the thought of power turns her on and exercising it is ever better, so she wants a man who is willing and eager to make it work.

»» Do you live near Melbourne Australia? ««
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Women were asked
I like the thought of managing our life?
26% 3% 71%
In Some Ways No Yes

*on-going poll requested of women

97% of women like the idea of managing the couples lives. Add this to the 99% of women interested in having the final decision in the couples lives and it speaks volumes about how women feel.

Women were asked
I like the thought of changing him?
35% 11% 55%
In Some Ways No Yes

*on-going poll requested of women

Women think highly of the idea of changing their men. 89% of those polled were positive about it. So another strong motive is a woman's desire to control their environment and their men.

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