The Ideal Female-Led Relationship Part 3 - How it looks -

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Part 3 - How things work and how others see it (The Ideal Female Led Relationship)

-- By Victor Bright Ell and Gwen McKellen author and publisher

     In the relationship of Zia and Andy there is a dynamic where both are fulfilled by doing things that they deeply need to become self actualized. Zia is a natural leader and Andy has a servant's heart. They had always followed that path then after 16 years of marriage they made it official and declared to their close friends and family they are an FLR couple. They chose level 3 because it fit their needs. These articles are telling the story of the ideal FLR through their lives.

What Minni (the mother of Andy) sees (The Ideal Female Led Relationship)

     Minni is and always has been a homemaker in her marriage to Walter. When she first met Zia it did not go very well and Minni encouraged Andy to look elsewhere, she even went so far as to advocate her husband join in to disapproval. It was not until a year later that Minni and Zia spent any time together and that was to prepare for the wedding. Minni fell in love with Zia because she experienced first hand the wonderful dynamic between Andy and her. FLR was not in Minni's frame of reference so she rejected it at first then came to see how well it worked for her son and secretly wanted some of those things for herself.

What Walter (the father of Andy) sees (The Ideal Female Led Relationship)

     Walter is rather stoic, he works as an attorney practicing civil and business law where he has been very successful. He wanted his some to follow in his foot steps because he had done much better then his father did; so he sent his son off to the same ivy league school he attended; but Andy choose another way and decided he'd had enough school after his bachelors. When Walter met Zia he liked her from the start mostly because she was pretty and graceful. In the back of his mind he envied his son. Walter teased Andy a little when he learned of the dynamic between his son and Zia and never really understood why any man would do such a thing. After 16 years of knowing them in their marriage he would admit it works for them and say no more.

How they handle finances (The Ideal Female Led Relationship)

     When they were dating they shared the expenses, neither had much money and they had a real camaraderie in their relationship. They were best friends. Before they moved in together they discussed the subject and agreed that Zia had more interest and was better at managing money so she took on that responsibility -- though they discussed big expenditures such as: buying a car or a vacation. When Zia got her first promotion she began making a 6 figure income, it was about that time that she took control of finances and Andy went along with it. They still discuss big things but she for the most part took care of decisions. Andy had an account where Zia puts money into for the family expenses and Andy's allowance. Andy managed the household expenses such as food, utilities and buying clothes for the kids. He had a credit card for emergencies and major expenses such as car repairs but everything else he used the family debit card for. Zia took care of financial planing for retirement, life insurance and investing, but still talked it over with Andy. After 16 years they declared together that Zia would control finances as part of their FLR but nothing really changed except she got the last word and could make decisions freely without Andy.

How they handle free time (The Ideal Female Led Relationship)

     Zia has always enjoyed a fair amount of alone time, she gets some of it during exercise and some she just takes by walking, hiking or hanging out in her den. Andy is a together person and he uses much of his free time to play with the kids and practice their favorite things. He introduces the kids to culture and science by going to museums and cultural events. Zia sometimes comes and sometimes stays behind so she can get her alone time. In their FLR she has control of free time but nothing really changed. They already had it worked out.

How they handle life direction (The Ideal Female Led Relationship)

     Zia and Andy have always been best friends and they talk things over. Andy has confidence in Zia so she could make decisions for them both but she most often discusses it and they decide together. Andy recognizes Zia has the last word and supports her decisions when she makes them. This dynamic grew in their relationship because of two things: 1) Zia makes much more money than Andy - she is the bread winner and 2) Zia grew in her confidence to make decisions and Andy become more comfortable with her making decisions as they marriage grew. Their FLR only formalized what they already had.

How they handle household chores (The Ideal Female Led Relationship)

     Andy is the primary doer of chores and errands to free up Zia to spend more time doing more important things. The couple affords a maid to do the heavy lifting but Andy supervises the maid and does the day to day chores. Zia really does not do any chores per say but does comment on things she wants done and does have strong opinions on comfort and decor, she still does the interior design. As their relationship grew Andy naturally gravitated to take on this role for the couple and while he does not actually enjoy it he see it as something that needs to be done and Zia should not be burdened with it so he does it. The kids make their beds and pick up after themselves with reminding. This is how it grew for them and FLR only formalized it.

How they handle sex (The Ideal Female Led Relationship)

     Zia has a high interest in sex but did not have much time for it in the start of their relationship because she was going to school and working. Andy was the typical guy and wanted it all the time, the couple was somewhat frustrated because of their situation and talked about it but nothing really changed for a while. The reason was Zia would rather sleep, something she had precious little of, than have sex. Masturbation was a regular part of both of their lives because it was quicker and easier and could be done when desired. Zia realized what was happening and began to lead them both as a couple to take on "quick sex" as a style. She would make it happen without foreplay. Andy liked the aggression very much. The quick sex morphed into Andy pleasing Zia then Zia falling asleep, the combination sometimes was done twice a day. They were both very satisfied.

     After several years of relationship Zia began to think about babies and more kinky sex. She was an avid reader and sex tips were everywhere so she began trying them on Andy, some worked and some were less than interesting. It woke something in Zia and she began her quest for "more". Andy too had some interest in kinks but was okay with Zia pushing things and never really led. They tried all kinds of things but the things they enjoyed most was where Zia commanded and Andy served. Zia found a devilish side of her that enjoyed power, Andy enjoyed submission. After the kids sex was harder to find time for sex and Andy spend much more time just serving Zia's needs. He would masturbate himself when she was at work so things declined for them both sexually. Zia began finding Andy less attractive and her eyes strayed. Because of his secret release Andy really did not care that much.

     When their kids were young (4 and 6) Zia and Andy had some problems because Andy had let himself go a bit and Zia was not really interested in pleasing him, so sex between them stopped for a while. Zia had an affair with a man who was really good looking. They would meet every Thursday at lunch and it was hot sex. After it ended Zia had several other short term affairs but she felt a hole in her soul, she was missing her best friend. Despite the fact she was in a family and had lots of friends she felt alone. By this time some years had passed. Zia went home one day and with force and almost anger began taking Andy, using him for sex, she pushed him, barked orders, cuffed him and was almost violent. She had him do all the things she found hot in her affairs from that time for many weeks she would push, demand and force. She led him into losing weight and shaping up, we replaced his aged wardrobe and started wearing thongs. For 6 months she was ravenous, having all kinds of sex every day and sometimes twice a day, it was a real power trip. Andy took a high interest in pleasing her and had no need to masturbate. This faded after 6 months but they both continued to have sex, especially for her at night before bed. Zia had added Andy's participation in the her bedtime rituals of showering and lotion which grew on her because it felt powerful and intimate. Zia never told Andy about her affairs and secretly wanted more.

     Sometime after that time, Zia stumbled into the idea of chastity and broached it to Andy. He was lit like a candle and did everything he could to understand it. He tried just stopping his masturbation habits but was unsuccessful. However the days he did make it he noticed his old flame return for Zia and she noticed too - so much so that she ordered not 1 or 2 but every kind of chastity devise she could find for Andy to try. The first command Zia ever gave Andy outside of sex was "put this on", she meant it and he knew it. As a couple they began to realize that Andy had been doing the wrong thing by masturbating, it was separating them as a couple. The couple experimented with duration and types of orgasm control. Andy began to really pursue Zia again as he did in the beginning of their relationship. Zia became more interested in Andy as he spent more time fixing himself up. Zia also fantasized about a third partner and they talked about it but never did anything. It was just hot for Zia to have control, hot for both of them and Andy was giving oral, vibrator and finger sex to Zia 5-6 times a week. She would unlock him once a week and they would make love. After their FLR was formal Zia felt empowered finally to have sex anywhere and with whom ever she wanted but was really having fun with Andy who had become her best friend again.

<< Read Part 2 | Read Part 4. >>

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Women were asked
I like the thought of punishing him?
28% 14% 58%
In Some Ways No Yes

*on-going poll requested of women

86% of women like the idea of punishment in their relationships. The trick is being comfortable with your choices and responsible to your core values in doing it.

Women were asked
The thought of commanding him?
20% 77% 3%
Interesting It`s Hot Yuck

*on-going poll requested of women

Women opverwhelmingly like the idea of commanding their men. 97% of those polled were positive about it.

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