The Top 10 Things Women Need to Know About Leading men in FLR

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The Top 10 Things Women Need to Know About Leading men in FLR

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· This article was written by a man
· This article was last updated June 2011

Tips for women leading FLR relationships

     Women looking at FLR are often puzzled by the strong pull men have to "dominance" and "kink". We have heard many comments from women that their men want them to become an evil, sadistic, selfish, powerful dominatrix. Here are 10 things to create an environment so women can be themselves, lead their men and not need to change into the facade that men say they want. They are listed in order of importance and scored (1-5 stars) in how they will effect him and your ability to lead him without changing your current nature. We will attempt to share why it works.


     Set the environment appropriate to the event, in other words make the action "more natural" -- otherwise you are moving into the realm of his fantasy and away form the "you" you are today. In a relationship where a woman is controlling one food group, make the response to the areas listed below reinforce that food group only. In the case of controlling many or all 5 food groups. Examples: let's say a woman desires to control household chores. Well... household chores are not really about sex or finances so having him do them naked is not "natural" and paying the bills may be a household chore but not really have any relationship to financial planning. But a woman controlling sex, finances and household chores could at anytime mix venues. A women controlling his free time could ask him to do things for her while a woman controlling sex would want to limit him to sex or use sex as a reward.

  1. Take liberties with him serving you.
  2. This one can be fun and liberating for you both. For example when you both come home after being away, turn to him and say "put my bag and shoes away and fetch me a coffee dear". Perhaps you are reading and you ask him to fetch for you. Maybe you are having guests that night so you ask him to clean up when he gets home form work. Why this works: These are all natural parts of life that you might do anyway but the thought of asking for them often, even imposing on him is a natural re-trainer for him and shapes your relationship.
    Effect on Him: ***** Effect on your ability to lead him: ***** (10 stars)
  3. Make him prove his desire to serve and support you.
  4. Whenever you see him resisting your leadership don't cop our by saying "I quit", rather say "for me to continue to lead you must keep your promises to me" then tell him where he broke them. Make him prove he is supportive even if it hurts him. Why this works: Leadership 101, asserts your interest in leadership and his role as a follower. BYW if he persists, then you must back off until he complies.
    Effect on Him: ***** Effect on your ability to lead him: ***** (10 stars)
  5. Whenever you want him to change some behavior get his full attention.
  6. This is an exhibit of power by a leader, something we use with children and pets but fail to do with adults. If you have control of sex and you want his complete attention, make his world very small by having him kneel or get naked or stand at attention or in the corner. Make this appropriate to the mood you are in at the moment and who you are as a woman. Exhibit as much power at that moment as you feel good with. Why this works: this has a powerful effect on his socialization but make a bad teaching tool all the time because it take so much effort, when it is needed it works well, it is like calling someone into your office or getting a speeding ticket.
    Effect on Him: ***** Effect on your ability to lead him: ***** (10 stars)
  7. Seize control then hold a frank regular discussion with him to reinforce it.
  8. In any area you are controlling, take the time to make a show of your seizing control. Make some demands on him like hand over your credit cards if you control money or "I want all these windows washed in one hour" if you control household chores. Make sure he responds in a polite way that he has heard you and will do it. From time to time hold meeting with him about his role and how he is doing. In each meeting take the lead role and arrive the meeting. Why this works: He will see this a "strong leadership" from you when all you are really doing is getting them done. In the long run it will build actual leadership and re socialize him.
    Effect on Him: *** Effect on your ability to lead him: ***** (8 stars)
  9. Change one or two of his daily habits.
  10. Let's say you control his free time and he wants to play softball, you say you can play softball next week. If you control sex have him give you a daily massage but no sex for him (make sure to tease him a little). i>Why this works: These kinds of things signal that he is not in control and you are because he volunteered to serve and support you.
    Effect on Him: ***** Effect on your ability to lead him: *** (8 stars)
  11. Get him going with rituals you require him to follow.
  12. We call this setting the stage for him to remember and you should change these things from time to time and inspect that he is doing them. Each things should be something that takes him out of his training, independence and comfort zone. Thing about what men do now and change some of that. Men stand to pee so have him sit. Men don`t normally ask women how does this look so get him asking when he is grooming. Why this works: This is the essence of exposing socialization and comparing it to where you might be comfortable directing him to change.
    Effect on Him: ***** Effect on your ability to lead him: ** (7 stars)
  13. Require him to make a humble pledge to you.
  14. Before entering into a trial or a permanent relationship require him to humble himself to you by kneeling or bowing or some other abasing deed and speak out loud his promises to you. When he is done make him prove all of them to you in some way right then. Why this works: In his eyes you are asserting leadership "power" over him, even though he is doing all the work. It should be thrilling to him (erotic) and a good object lesson for you to watch his responses. Remember the kneeling before he popped the question "will you marry me?" - make that happen again.
    Effect on Him: ***** Effect on your ability to lead him: * (6 stars)
  15. Make him go through training courses.
  16. This is both a proof of his desire to serve you and a good way to learn new tricks and skills. Courses are available all over the place including this site. Have him do a mag course or two and score 90 points or better. Why this works: He is actively participating in his transformation from leader to follower.
    Effect on Him: *** Effect on your ability to lead him: *** (6 stars)
  17. Take one day to train him in your standards.
  18. You will have a standard for almost everything is you look. Take household chores, you like it done just so. And in sex, you like it when he or you??? Asserting your standard makes you the leader and he must admit then that "she wants it done that way". The standard might even be to have a variety. Why this works: You are leading and he is adapting to your leadership.
    Effect on Him: *** Effect on your ability to lead him: *** (6 stars)
  19. Create reinforcing terms of endearment for each other.
  20. Choose a name you want to be called in public and in private. Use something you like like "my dear" or "my love" or "my sweety". Choose a term for him that is more servant like "mr deeds" or "my good helper" then you can say out loud "where is my good helper" or "would my good helper do". Why this works: This will tend to humble him and make him admit he has chosen to follow you. You will get to normalize your relationship this way.
    Effect on Him: ***** Effect on your ability to lead him: * (6 stars)
  21. Create ways that make him dependent on you.
  22. Have him ask you for coffee money or for permission to do things. Work on taking away his socialization toward independence and compartmentalization. Why this works: You are helping him transform his socialization to one of a supporting mate from a dominate male.
    Effect on Him: *** Effect on your ability to lead him: *** (6 stars)

Bonus information - strong visual images

     Men are mostly visual so consider doing things that set a visual tone. Here are some powerful images that will effect him. You dressed and him naked. You standing and him kneeling. You commanding him using hand signals. You scolding him with your finger. Allowing him to watch you shower but not interact with you. Women have a mesmerizing effect on men who want FLR, use it to your advantage and his.

»» Do you live near Melbourne Australia? ««
'My wife and I want to connect with other couples currently engaged in a Female-led relationship, who live in Melbourne, Australia. We wish to start a program of regular munches/meetups and establish a local support network' Please make contact if interested: Kate and Christian Mitchell
The 5 Food Groups In depth
How to have a harmonious relationship. Negotiating in relationships explained. How the 5 food groups can help you define and explain a better cleaner faster relationship. One hour with this book will enlighten you! Ready now
Women were asked
I like the thought of managing our life?
26% 3% 71%
In Some Ways No Yes

*on-going poll requested of women

97% of women like the idea of managing the couples lives. Add this to the 99% of women interested in having the final decision in the couples lives and it speaks volumes about how women feel.

Women were asked
I like the thought of changing him?
35% 11% 55%
In Some Ways No Yes

*on-going poll requested of women

Women think highly of the idea of changing their men. 89% of those polled were positive about it. So another strong motive is a woman's desire to control their environment and their men.


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