2011 Home Page Blog - Female Led Relationships, Wife Led Relationships, Girlfriend Led Relationships, female led relationship is also sometime searched for by these search terms: elise sutton, dominant women, female led relationship
2011 Home Page Blog - Female Led Relationships, Wife Led Relationships, Girlfriend Led Relationships
More reading topics - home page blog
Apologies to all
We found some 300 email stuck in a queue this morning and have made our way through them all. We apologize for the delay in communicating, sometimes technology works against us. If we missed anyone please feel free to use the contact page email to communicate, now that we know of the issue, things should be smoother.
Preliminary report on training
Our study of training for men by their women in FLR is far from over but we thought it would be interesting to show some preliminary data. The study helps couples understand the dynamics and methods of training along with the primary goal. In general men differ from women in all questions 7-15% (a much closer gap then we expected). Women universally wanted a loving relationship but men stated that only 85% of the time. Both women and men have about the same goals with the supportive mate and servant mate role for men being highest (about 80%) and the slave/subject role trailing at less than 17% followed by co-leader mate. A very high percentage of men want to inspire leadership and learn to be supportive and their women want that very much.
The only real surprise is that most couples are going their own way and have no way to measure success. This should alarm couples. The reason projects work is because of planning and measurable goals. Both men and women are learning on their own and not asking for help or asking questions of each other, nor sharing their experiences.
Remember this is about "relationship"
Men don't have to "sell" relationship to women and women don't have to try and figure out what relationship means because they do them all the time. I was having coffee with a woman friend of mine and she said to me that she felt men and women have a different view of relationship - that is to say FLR relationship types. I was reminded that relationships are not dictatorships, they are two people working out their lives together. Men do have a different idea about the FL part of FLR than women do, we know because of the polls we have taken that there exists a 33% gap in the two ideas. So all must recognize that relationship is not the man or the women -- but what they have together. It is not all about him or her, it is them. The reason this is important is to dispel the myth that men and women have a different view of FLR, what really happens is they form an FLR together and without each other there is no R in FLR. The debate is about the Female Led part of Female Led Relationships.
Are you as a man a good candidate for FLR. It takes some rethinking who you are and how you act to be a good candidate for FLR. Merely having the form will not do it, it takes substance. Men who have "designed" their FLR do both themselves and their woman a disservice. It takes a woman out of the leadership role and places the "relationship" in the realm of his fantasy. Here are 6 things you can do to prove to yourself that you are a good candidate for FLR at any level.
If you have already done these things then start interacting with others, mentor each other, share, grow, love.
Male Training Curriculum - Has Begun
Women who want to train, resocialize or grow their men into a great FLR now have a very good guide. Boot camp, weight loss/shape-up, 2 hour through multi week guided programs; including getting outside help with strict resocialization. We are addressing skills followers need, punishment/reward, masturbation/chastity and growing good habits in men in a supporting role. We are providing help with motivation and positive programming. Women will learn valuable leadership and control skills. This guide puts women back in control of FLR. Men will participate in a comprehensive program that can be designed just for them. available in [available in PDF] for discreet download. letter size 74 pages
This program follows a logical path to a positive outcome. It was built on a body of knowledge from interviews, survey data, self-assessments, an understanding of psychology and antidotal information gathered over a 2 year period. The authors believe couples are free to design their relationship in any way that pleases them with whatever elements they choose and for their own reasons.... Ultimately the reason for training is to have a better relationship and happier more productive people. In female led relationships, your man is asking for your leadership, authority over him, your blessing for him to serve and support you and your help to learn the best ways of accomplishing that.
Our first look at the roles of women and men in FLR
Female led relationships have been with us from time in memorial but only recently have we begun to study them and come to some understanding about how they work - the relationship dynamic, the roles and the practices of people living or experimenting with FLR. Of course in any relationship there are 2 people; and in the case of FLR the female is leading.... FLR is not a new clean slate because we all still live in society with its standards and double standards; so everything a woman decides to do that is outside the norm of coupling up will seem to many to be odd and perhaps in some ways immoral or impure. The role of man in FLR is really up to the leadership of the woman and the willingness of the man. Some of the roles exist in lore and have not been studied or quantified and may only exist in the context of internet porn. This our first attempt to categorize female and male roles. [read more...]
The Great Male Chastity Experiment Has Begun Early
The idea is to get past the lore and find out just what the benefits and risks are for male chastity. The experiment has three parts. 1. The experiences of men, women and couples. 2. Data gathering through polls. and 3. Essays from conclusions drawn during the experiment. When we find opportunities we will do some interviews with couples too. Keep it real or we all lose!
The important of the 5 food groups
This site and female led relationships exist because of the influence of the 5 food groups on relationships. Because FLR is not a true role reversal, the 5 food groups allow both partners to keep their roles and gender traits and much of their socialization to start, maintain and grow a healthy relationship based on "rules". Everyone has rules in their relationship, the understanding we come to when we couple up. The 5 food groups expose the best rules that both partners can live with and thrive under. [go to the 5 food groups page and read more] [go to the 5 food groups website]
The perfect FLR woman and the man she loves behind her
Women who want to lead men are the right candidates for FLR and they get to custom make how their relationship will work with their men. That means the relationship is open for discussion. The perfect woman for FLR is any woman who wants to lead in her interpersonal relationship. Because the relationship is custom, the couple gets to make it up to their liking; but the key ingredients must be there or the relationship experiment and sometimes the relationship itself will fail.
Leading is like managing and it is domineering to some degree. Most women don`t want a man who is "a project" or to change themselves to have a relationship. Most woman want to remain themselves so the ideas men come up with for FLR are seriously diluted. For a woman to do all that men want -- will change her. A woman does not normally go around humiliating her man, she wants to have a loving relationship with him and no matter how much he wants that, it is likely just not her way. Men supporting women means sacrifice. When she says no he needs to consider the consequence to his relationship with her if he submits or to rebels. Every rebellion, every lack of support shows her something about him and lowers her confidence.
So a man who has these deep desires that conflict with his woman's style, nature or core person; need to look at a different way to meet those desires. Meeting those desires is not the first thing to accomplish. If men have it their first thing then they will eventually destroy her chance to lead him successfully. So men supporting their women first, then working in higher needs and desires but putting her's first is the right way. The perfect woman to lead an FLR is your woman if she wants too - but you must step aside. Step aside where and when she wants, don't just dump it on her.
The Great Male Chastity Experiment
We've decided to open a program for men/couples to experiment with chastity and track the results on line. It is been touted by many that male chastity makes for better relationships and more eager servants of men. Men say it gives them a feeling that "she" is in control. We want to document it from the ground up. We will include key-holding, orgasm denial, ruined orgasms, prostate milking and sex just for her in the discussion. We will create polls, discussion boards and day by day and week by week statistic. The idea is to weight the benefits and risks, document the process and make a complete accounting of the benefits. Men will be encouraged to join. If the man is in a relationship, the female partner must be aware and participate. All participation will be anonymous and statistics will be shared as they happen.
If a man wants to be a slave to a woman?
About a 1/3 of men who come here desire to become a consensual slave to a woman. That means at any given time 300,000+/- or so men are tinkering with the idea of slavery. The idea is not all together unappealing to women but a much smaller percentage of women want it, so there is a vacuum in how to get from where men are to the starting gate. Further complicating is the idea of just jumping in and doing "everything". Most men do a laughingly poor job of serving because they don't have much practice, training or socialization for it. So what is to be done is; men need to practice on their own until they get to a place that their service is as good as it need to be to make a successful run at it. The best candidate is an FLR woman who has some success at a level 2 or 3 relationship. That means million of woman are a candidate but the gaiting factor is the man's ability to deliver service in a woman a woman wants.
The 5 Food Groups In Great Detail
One of the cornerstones of this websites philosophy on female led relationship and the power exchange between women and men in relationships is now a book. The book by M. Lyman Hill is available in PDF for immediate download. You will learn the logic and application of negotiating in relationships. The 5 Food Groups are the best tool you have to live a fulfilling life as a couple. The 5 Food Groups are the basis of the power exchange and an empowerment for women and men in communication and decision making. They are also a great way to explore compatibility in new relationships. Level 1-4 will benefit.
Critical Discussions and is that the best idea you can think of?
I recently read one man's entry into the forum on this website. Of all the topics he could have discussed he said "he wished his wife would punish him for any little infraction." Well I wish she would too because there are lots of better topics to discuss like how that man would be a better mate for abandoning his quest for punishment until his mate has her needs met then approaching it again after she is ready. That is how to get what you want from a relationship, you "give first". Here is a topic men and women are not discussing enough. "Growing as a FLR man". Men should be pounding this with all kinds of ideas for growing into a supportive role and women should be adding guidance for men here. This is an extremely important topic for FLR to be successful, as most of the questions men and women have about FLR can be answered here. Women need to step-up to the challenges of leadership.
After 80,000 questions answered.
We have passed the 80,000 question threshold in our surveys and assessments and what we have learned may surprise you. We are creating a series of articles with the details with some anecdotal information. It is no surprise that most men focus on the power, punishment and sexual aspects of FLR while most women are concerned with behavior and finding their feet as leaders. We will announce the article(s) when complete, watch for them in May 2011. As a primer we have learned two very big things 1. That men and women in large part lack the initiative to make FLR successful alone; only a small percentage (less than 1%) were reasonable prepared and motivated as individuals. Of course that means couple need to work together to motivate each other and couples must grow at a similar rate to be successful. 2. Women show very little leadership over the direction and growth of their own FLR or the subject of FLR which means men are the primary drivers of female led relationships. more to follow....
Defining the essence of Female Led Relationship*
Some have asserted FLR is a role reversal from traditional historic relationships, that is not very accurate. There are parallels when one looks at decision making especially where men "ruled" the home; but a man never becomes "the wife" although he may assume some of her traditional chores. In FLR men are still manly and women womanly and both may continue in their gender roles. Female led relationship requires only that a man "follow" a woman. It requires that a woman "lead" a man and that both man and woman make acknowledgement of those roles. Without those three things you are NOT in a female led relationship.
"Female led relationships (FLR) refers to any relationship where the woman is leading her mate, from bossy women who assert informal leadership to women asserting formal control over all aspects of a couples lives."
"If you look at FLR it looks like the safest relationship a woman can have. She makes the rules, she sets the boundaries, she has final say and he both loves her and supports her in her role. In any other relationship women do not enjoy that kind of freedom or safety. This is a functional model for any woman who wants more control and less strife. There should be zero downside to female led relationships when entered into with open eyes and a whole heart between two people who love each other." -- A BBS entry from Asserting leadership
A graphical representation of FLR
In a new article by Victor Ell we can now see how FLR differs from traditional relationships. "It is a funny thing to realize that before December 10 2010 no one had any hard data in female led relationships. What we all had was thoughts, ideas, fantasies and speculation. Now because of your participation and the help of aboutFLR.com which has done such an extensive job of surveying and interviewing; we all can enjoy learning about FLR from each other." Below how fulfillment in FLR differs from female domination play.
Both women and men want female led relationships
Although the numbers are smaller for women than men, women are coming out as wanting FLR for themselves and their mates. The number of women currently in formal FLR is at least in the thousands or tens of thousands. On this website women express 93% to 7% * their interest in FLR and generally have a positive outlook about it. We should point out that not every woman who is interested is in or wants to be in a female led relationship. The authors of this website estimate that about 1.8 million women would naturally want female led relationships for themselves based of their personality type and leadership style "if they knew the option existed". The number of women interested in female led relationships would be 100 times that worldwide. [participate in our understanding of female led relationships - take a poll]
Not surprising the vast majority of women are interested in FLR, of course they are but at what level? The idea of control brings safety but is FLR control and safety stronger than relationship safety? Trying new things is risky.
* real time data from our polls
The defining step men can take toward FLR fulfillment
Most men approach FLR poorly. They assume that they can trade authority and a few household chores plus some pampering for male fantasy fulfillment. Most women say no, or they try it a little but find it is more work than just doing the chores in the first place. Neither the man or the woman is prepared for the relationship changes and strife ensues. The best thing men can do to get male fulfillment in FLR is prepare themselves then carefully/thoughtfully introduce their mates. Relationships are inhabited by two people, by men changing their direction, self-image and socialization they build the opportunity for FLR success in themselves and their mate. The direction empowers their mate to lead and inspires her to grow as a leader. This positive approach to FLR improves the chances for FLR success. FLR is a positive lifestyle choice. You have the power to live a successful FLR.
The defining step women can take toward FLR fulfillment
There are three categories of FLR women seeking or in FLR. 1) those looking for FLR who can start fresh. 2) those starting to explore FLR in the relationship fresh. 3) and those women who have given it a whirl and either living it, have giving up, or are resting and reevaluating. All three categories of women can take a single step to make life better. Well it is actually 2 steps backwards. Make your man prove himself while you develop your interest, leadership skills, and improve your confidence about FLR. Start fresh at the beginning "your relationship". Impress on him that relationship is tops to get any movement towards FLR. It all begins with his commitment to you (relationship stability and fidelity), his connection to you (the only way to get to intimacy) and the development of intimacy between you. These are the basic building blocks that free both of you to grow in FLR and enjoy all the rest of it. This step is empowering to you and a show of leadership to him. The kink, the fantasy, you can enjoy that too but it is so much less important compared to your fulfilment as a couple. You have the power to lead a successful FLR.
The current state of female led relationships
FLR as a relationship type remains tainted by many elements of culture. Many want female led relationship to make its way into the mainstream so couple can enjoy it normally (that is our bias). However, for one to discuss female lead relationships as they are today we could not overlook the minor cultures, movements and fetishes that have grow up with FLR. The minor cultures, movements and fetishes overwhelm the subject on the internet. One can't help but notice how different the idea of female led relationships is from the historic set of relationships we are familiar with. As with all ideas they mature over time, FLR is no exception. Because our society is moving closer to acceptance of all kinds of kinks in normal healthy relationships at least the fetish aspect of FLR is immerging unharmed. What remains in the current state of FLR that taints are the non mainstream cultures which make the subject uncomfortable for most and sensitive for all. One aspect of current female led relationship that is difficult is the position it appears to put men into. Female led relationship takes men out of some of their traditional roles and places them into roles perceived as weak or at least weaker than he was traditionally. Although minor cultures such as "stay at home dads" have come to light in the news, the role of men as a sociality norm remains determinately as one of a strong leader type.
..."Culture, societal norms, religion and other forces created the building blocks of order which includes men being the head of household (HOH). They have been deemed as ruler of the females and the family."... Female led relationships both reverse that and adds new elements to relationships.
...there is a gap between readiness and interest [for women]. Interestingly women can change this gap just by taking charge of "what female led relationship means". What I mean by that is women can redefine the baselines in FLR to what is more her way and less his way. [read the full article]
The future of female led relationships
We have always had and will continue to have informal and formal female led relationships. Although the current trend in modern relationships is one of 50/50, shared decision making the model does not work for everyone. Men are asking for FLR at a growing rate. Men are seeking women to lead them. Women express at high interest in FLR. We feel because the internet allows open discussions the internet itself will change relationships of today and the future and female led relationships will follow that trend. If females take hold of the growth and maturity of female led relationships, we are sure they will turn out better than they have been historically.
Overview of female led relationships as a subject - from this websites perspective
Female led relationships span the gambit from bossy women shaking things up at home to voluntary ruler/slavery relationships. We divided FLR into 4 useful segments for discussion. 1) Low key female leadership where a woman leads informally and derives little benefit from leadership. She most likely has little interest in formal FLR. 2) Moderate female leadership where the woman formally leads with benefit but has little/some interest in kink and moderate interest in formal FLR. 3) Formal FLR is when the woman has taken control of the 5 food groups She has an interest in some or perhaps all kink and has a high interest in formal FLR. 4) Extreme female led relationships is where the woman is elevated to ruler and has a high interest in kink and formal FLR. Her man is reduced to a subject/slave. [read more about "what is a female led relationship"...] We spend most of our effort discussing level 2 and 3.
We would be remiss in overlooking the male side of the equation from a woman's perspective. There are men who want to follow, support, serve, perhaps submit and some even enslave themselves and see benefits in doing so. The male side often includes a desire for punishment, chastity (either by devise or voluntarily), welcomed humiliation, and all manner of kinks including sadomasochism. Men who want a woman to lead often desire the kink to whatever level they can get. One of the downsides to a male's willingness to submit is often tied to his getting gratification from their kinks. There is evidence that men often settle for what they can get then press for more which ultimately puts a strain in the relationship. Men who desire FLR are most likely embarrassed, shy, shamed and pensive about discussing the subject. They are hesitant about any full disclosure because of rejection, reticule and humiliation.
About this site
This site is about woman led relationships, also called (FLR) Female Led Relationships, Wife Led Relationships and Girlfriend Led Relationships. It has also been called loving domestic leadership, loving domestic discipline, female head of household, dominant female led home, dominance and more. Female led relationships (FLR) refers to any relationship where the woman is leading her mate, from bossy women who assert informal leadership to women asserting formal control or all aspects of a couples lives. We do not see female led relationships as the next wave or a cultural phenomenon. It does exist and is practiced in small numbers and because of this, it is worth exploring and discussing. We estimate that there are 100 men for every 1 woman whom are interested in female led relationships; a small percentage of the population in a world of 3.7 billion women makes it interesting. Here you will not find made up stories, porn images and no particular supported opinions. You are here because you are generally interested. We welcome participation from women and in some cases from men. Most women know more about FLR then they think. On that same note, many women also know less about what he is thinking in regards to FLR. If your mate has asked for you to lead or dominate him then you have come to the right place. If you want to know what your mate thinks about female led relationships or if you have an ambition to lead your man then you have found your resource to guidance.
Why we exist
This site exists because most of the information available on the internet is provided by men interested in kink, or by porn purveyors and professionals who prey on and profit from kinky male fantasies. The great majority of all websites contain pornographic images, strange fanatical doctrine (such as women who are goddesses or superior by design) and BSDM. BSDM is used in combination as an acronym for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission and masochism. It is associated with sex play, torture and a so-called "lifestyle." [read more about why we exist...]
This site covers all aspects of Female Led Relationships and provides a forum where real women can express their views and men cannot. The fact is as of December of 2010, 95% of all existing content online was written by men about their supposed experiences. Now, it is time women got to voice their opinions, preferences, likes and dislikes in their own voice and not the voice of a man masquerading as a woman. These are real women, not professional prostitutes and dominatrices. When researching for this site we have found so few women created dialogue that it is difficult to say whether or not many women are even interested in FLR [rate your interest in Female Led Relationships...]
Why we think you are here
Most women have either heard about FLR from a friend or have been prompted to investigate it through a request from their male mate/partner/husband/boyfriend/etc. We assume you are a good mate and are visiting in response to your interest or in concern for your mate. Perhaps you are interested in learning more and possibly experimenting to see how things go. You may be questioning pitfalls, benefits, and how other women feel and deal about it
Overview of our assumptions
1. Assumptions about relationships
We know from surveys that women almost universally like some kink in their sex life but very few will go to extremes. As a body, women mostly fall on the submissive side of relationships when measured by aggression and cultural relationship norms. We assume that normal is 80% of the population of relationships. We see two types of relationships as being normal. 1) Where men are either formally or informal (HOH) head of house hold and women are in a more supportive role. 2) Where men and women have an assumption of equality or partnership. Here, cultural pressure places the man in a slightly more dominate role such as protector or provider. Top public and business leadership among women is a smaller percentage of the total population than men. Many, who do in fact lead outside of the home, fall on the submissive side in their personal lives. It is a speculation, but we find it to be true that normally strong women either like/expect welcomed aggression from their men. These women want to be less aggressive than their mate. It is rumored that most women interested in FLR are doing so because their man has an interest, has broached the subject and chances are she did not come to this on their own. Women find this subject awkward primarily because of the assumption of equality/democracy in their current relationship and the kinks their man desires. People argue on both sides of all these debates and statistics.
2. Historic to Modern Relationships - assumptions
Historically men have been the dominate force in relationships. One could argue that bossy women rule the home however, for the most part, men let them. The men did not ask them to do it. Culture, societal norms, religion and other forces created the building blocks of order which includes men being the head of household (HOH). They have been deemed as ruler of the females and the family. In historic relationships men courted women and charmed them into a relationship. While courtship has not changed much, the expectation for partners in a relation has. Modern relationships take a more equal approach in theory where decision making is a corporate activity. Partners often take charge of one aspect of the relationship, for example, one pays the bills while the other takes care of housework. Overall they work together equally and democratically. We think women would agree that they do the majority of the homemaking and that men don't participate at the same level. Often when men do participate, the level of work they provide seems inferior to the woman's. There remains a disparity between how both men and women perceive their relationship and how it is governed. Women commonly admit to finding a sense of security from a strong man.
3. Relationship Best Practices - assumptions
As with any relationship between two people who voluntarily enter an agreement such as an exclusive relationship, marriage or a formal female led relationship; the key is to have solid companionship. Almost all problems in relationships come from unknown, unexpected, unshared, unmet and understated expectations. We as people most often take a lot for granted and don't define or communicate what we want. By the time you hit your mid thirties things become more obvious and your forties, a whole new appreciation for "full disclosure" realized. The best relationships come from forgiveness, a short memory of wrongs, transparency, full disclosure, plus the willingness to experiment and adapt.
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*on-going poll requested of women
Only 3% of women don't like the idea of leading their men in some way and 75% like the thought of leading. That is a change in how things have been done, a departure form the tradition of male leadership.
*on-going poll requested of men
99% of men said they were willing to "obey" their woman - women in female led relationships will enjoy less dissension. Imagine the cultural shift if men, in open society, could do just that.
*on-going poll requested of women
91% of women said they are equal to or better at leadership than men. This means women think they can do a better job leading.