Discussing Issues in Female Led Relationships
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Most leaders want to give you direction and then have you be the active participant in sex. They prescribed a course of action, activities, likes and dislikes and then they want you to go to work. If you are good at surrendering you will take what they like and use it for their pleasure. Expand upon it - you will derive great confidence and joy from giving them what they dream of - you are their dream lover. Sexual surrender means you are here to please them. They may want you to have pleasure too but they also may not. Sex just for them is a good thing.
Victor I firmly believe that Victor has said it all in these two sentences. "If you are good at surrendering you will take what they like and use it for their pleasure. Expand upon it - you will derive great confidence and joy from giving them what they dream of - you are their dream lover." Because I have met with several men, I have learned that if I can get them to tell me their dreams or perhaps write a little story that illustrates their desires, I can act on that. The first real meeting for playing, I try not to be creative. I attempt to do exactly their fantasy their way. While I would rather play other games and try something new, I don't. I follow their blueprint. Invariably I am complimented to the sky. It is only after a few meetings or playdates and more talk that I am able to add little new things or change the plan. After and during a successful scene, the guys are so appreciative, I often wonder why a woman/wife wouldn't play the game. Just as in everything, the one giving always gets more back than they ever could have imagined.
Real surrender is being enough of a man to follow through on your agreements. Nothing more, nothing less. Men driven by complex hormones, extremes and ideas often fool themselves and their mates. Stop this cycle and learn to control your drives. Sustainable relationships are our goal not 2 day long experiments.
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Surrender is the willingness to love and offer oneself without limits. It looks quite different for my man than it does for me, and it depends on what is going on for either of us in our lives. Generally speaking though, from my (the woman's) perspective, surrender is my body, mind and heart being utterly spayed open to be pleased sexually, and to be served. For my man, it is him surrendering his love and devotion to me, and to do whatever it takes to please me sexually, make my life easier and to make me just plain happy.
Oceana I totally agree with this view
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The importance of is volunteering cannot be overstated. Surrender is a willful act. There may be conditions but one must choose to do it. Other-wise it is just a game.
Admin Before the man can surrender, there must be trust. Trust is learned with submission. It is difficult for a man to admit to his inner fanatasies and dreams of how he wants his private life to be. FLR is exactly the opposite of what he has been taught. Anti-FLR is right up there with boys don't cry and men can handle everything. If the woman, no matter how strong she appears in public, holds the inner wish for a leader for a husband or significant other, admitting the male fantasy could be a deal breaker.
If I volunteer which I am willing to do I still feel the need to be forced in some areas. The force is part of thrill in surrender
Surrender has a literatl meaning, of course, doesn't it. Webster has the official meaning, but the application of it to a relationship takes on, like, so many shades of meanings and gray areas. In my female led relationship it is just assumed that he will surrender to me. We've been together for 7 years and it works for us.
Offering his pleasure to you. This puts a lot of pressure on females, but if you're strong willed and know what you want sexually, surrender is necessary in FLR relationships.
I like the whole idea of surrender as a healthy thing for the confidence of women and men. Not just removing the guess work but a real uplifting positive movement within a relationship where momentum happens because he is supporting her fully and she is free and even more empowered to get things done. Of course this could work in all relationships with strong leaders, but it seems particularly wonderful in female led relationship.
Surrender is the giving up of freedoms and power. Sexual surrender is the erotic one as is all that goes with nakedness and power. But most of surrender is practical - a giving up of decision making authority to gain a benefit - a trade. So if you are giving up you will want to give up to someone you trust and if you are allowing someone to surrender to you - you will want them to be trustworthy.
To me surrender is admitting acceptance of
Happyob please tone down the femdom jargon capitalizing anything to do with her is inapproperate. It is enough to want to serve and do good and bring pleasure in your relationship. This is not a site to support any femdom fantasy and the women in FLR really don't support it either. On 20% even like the idea.
Prickly Pear So sorry. I have mucked up. I was trying to be polite. Got it wrong.
It seems to be surrender is a choice you make every day and submission you do when you have to. There are also moments of sweet surrender when you willfully and wonderfully let go.
I would not call it surrender- I would rather call it acceptance. Accepting the leadership of a female parter does not mean unconditioned surrender. Perhaps on certain fields but not completely. Good leadership will always create acceptance.
To surrender means having the confidence that this is the better option than resistance.It means that you acknowledge and admit your own weakness and have trust that the person you surrender yourself to won't harm you more than you can tolerate.It means having an agreement with your partner that having surrendered that they will keep to their bargain, as trustees of your health and safety. It means giving up your shields, defences, and weapons in the knowledge that you will incur greater harm if you don't. It means allowing yourself to become vulnerable but totally trusting that better rewards are to come from surrender than resistance. It means giving up choice, at least for a time.It means allowing yourself to take a risk.It means being brave in the knowledge that worse could befall you as your fate.It means relaxing all effort in the knowledge that you will be subdued and dominated.It means that you know that you will be subjected to things that you dont want to do.You give up your freedom willingly to the control of another. If you dont know what you are letting yourself in for; it can mean complete and utter slavery or even death. For that reason there must be an agreement , written and verbalized to ensure that both parties can meet their obligations under that agreement. With that agreement in place then trust will more readily follow and the proper, more continual development of the realtionship begin. We all have to surrender in order to gain the greater pleasures of life. When the greater pleasures of life no longer exist then surrender is pointless.
Ruggerio I have read your complete answer now four times. I have trouble with what you are saying. â€śTo surrender means having the confidence that this is the better option than resistance.â€ť I donâ€™t know what that means. Will you explain? It means that you acknowledge and admit your own weakness (that I can understand) and have trust that the person you surrender yourself to won't harm you more than you can tolerate. But why would I be in a relationship FLR or otherwise where I am being harmed? It means giving up your shields, defenses, and weapons in the knowledge that you will incur greater harm if you don't. I donâ€™t believe that women lead in this fashion do they. Can you point to any research which indicates that overwhelming force is a productive leadership from for women. â€śIt means being brave in the knowledge that worse could befall you as your fate.â€ť That really sounds like the male fantasy of FLR Dark. â€śIf you dont know what you are letting yourself in for; it can mean complete and utter slavery or even death.â€ť You totally lost me on this oneâ€¦I think the goal of FLR should be a deep and loving relationship based in mutual trust and understanding. I donâ€™t know but none of the research that I have read associated with this page or in fact most other pages that I have read seem to support the idea that a relationship based upon force and force of death is health. I can only presume that I have miss-read your post. I am just trying to learn please explain. gat1207
Gat1207 Perhaps Ruggerio is striking this conversation from the position of force and punishment, way over there in level 4. People do this but it is not really all that brave or relationship oriented, it seems to me more masochistic and obedient, slavish. The user also wrote: "It means giving up your shields, defenses, and weapons" which is "well said" for any level FLR. Becoming vulnerable seems to promote intimacy don't you think? I am not sure we have a solid definition yet for FLR surrender or even if it is needed to be successful. Perhaps it is different by individual or by level. Might make a good article ;P
I posted this in reply to a question on a different page on this site, but perhaps it belongs better on this page: "For me, what can be positive is to surrender control joyously and freely as a gift to a leading woman for the benefit of the relationship. I'm not sure how useful it is to play around with words and definitions in the context of a real relationship (as distinct from abstract ideas and fantasy.) All I know is that for me the phrase "consensual slavery" has a very different feel to it than that of a joyous gift, freely offered to a person who you respect and admire. Consensual slavery sounds to me like something that is all about the point of view and desires of the person who wants to think of himself as a slave. It's a selfish idea. Offering control is about honouring the woman and doing your best to understand her preferences, to the benefit of both people in the relationship. I'm not sure if that's an entirely logical distinction but it is how I feel about it." I also very much appreciated the comment elsewhere on this page that surrender "means giving up your shields, defenses, and weapons". Thank you for that.
Surrender is just that giving up on everything. Mostly giving up on yourself. No rights, no opinions, no say in anything. Submission is very different.
For me, surrender is simply giving up any conflict inside yourself for what YOU want and acquiescing to her desires. I feel that FLR cannot exist without at least some fundamental surrender on his part. The level of surrender has more to do with the food groups. In any successful FLR, I FEEL that he must surrender personal wishes but she must acknowlege his surrender and reward it as she sees fit.