Why is FemDom destructive to female led relationships and men?
Why is FemDom destructive to female led relationships and men?
What our MAG members say
There is a big difference between real sex and real porn. Similarly, there is a big difference between real femdom and real femdom porn. My wife and I recently changed our sex life into one in which she was more dominant. It was mutually agreed to. She decides when and how we have sex. I follow her direction. It was funny to us when she discovered I wanted to be submissive to her because she had wanted to be more dominant with me but was afraid to be so because she thought I wanted to be dominant. I was playing the dominant because I thought that was what she wanted. In short, we both wanted the same kind of relationship but hadn't communicated it. Suddenly, the frequency and intensity of our sex have both increased. It was the one part of our otherwise perfect marriage that never had worked until now. I am free to ask for things in our sexual relationship that she has said 'no' to and to which she has said 'later when I decide it is time.' I sense a lot of judgment here and already I am wondering if I should have even signed up. I'd like to be comfortable with FLR outside the bedroom, but maybe I'm looking for support in the wrong place. I hope not.
Unless a woman is actually a femdom practitioner its unrealistic as a relationship model. After all, an intense scene can't run 24/7/365. Its unsustainable physically and from a relationship perspective after a while it would become undesireable even for the most femsupreme women and most slavish men. She'd come to see the man as animal and not man. Shortly thereafter she'd not want a relationship because people need other people to have relationships with. So, Femdom objectifies both women and men to such a degree that they can't relate as people any more.
the average women can not nor thinks of her self as a leather wearing person with whips.most do not want slaves, they want a man and partner to help, not hurt.
in female led relationship a man is willing to hand-over control to his female partner. In Femdom he creates a fantasy of female dominance but he is in actual control. He satisfies his imagination about FLR. It is an imposter FLR not a real woman-led relationship.
Domination implies control by use of physical pain and intimidation to illicit a behavioral correction or new response from the man. FLR uses control of the 5 food groups and control of the male organ to modify behavior. a behavioral response or change from the man.
In female led relationships, it is agreed by both people that the woman has authority to control some aspects of the relationship. The extent to which this happens can vary from relationship to relationship and it is up to each couple to negotiate this. FemDom implies the man is locked into oppressive roles. In a FLR, the woman does not need to start behaving like a dominatrix if she does not want this. Similarly, the male does not need to assume the role of an automaton. The key to reconciling differences between the two is mutually satisfactory negotiation.
Yes, it is destructive because it takes the focus off the natural order of the man being a prince for his queen, and places it on his sexual kinks instead. Femdom also implies a type of objectification of women which permeates a stereotype which is unhealthy.
i can imagine that, the woman of the led relationship, truly wants her man, just for her and what he is doing or even what she has him do , is just for her
If a man focus the leadership of a woman only in a FemDom basis and his wife/mate doesn't feel comfortable with that, but he insists in "transform" her into a dominatrax as he see in porn sites, he is trying to lead the relationship, so it is destrutive because do not follow the basic principle that the woman is the one who is the charge of every aspects of a couple's life.
FemDom is a contradiction in itself that is why it often does not work. I mean contradiction because, at one side, it is supposed to be submitted to women but in reality the first aim is to fulfill male fantasies.
FemDom is damaging to women in the same way the classic 'nuclear family' model is damaging to men as hoh. It immediately asserts a certain expectation of that role in leadership. Every person and relationship is different, and comparing ourselves to pre-designed models limits growth, creativity, and even honesty. If a woman's personality happens to naturally make her mirror the images in FemDom, so be it; but that should be her individual preference and not an image pressured onto her.
Femdom only portrais what men want therefore not making the woman leader. It is up to the woman to decide how she will train, punish or reward her man
FEMDOM for me is mostly based on a sexual level and very often a business.. most women i met that are dominant live a Femdom Lifestyle, where it is normal to charge massive amounts for their services and has absolutely not realistic approach. After the session all is over and it was only a sexual thing. FLR goes much deeper and is based on thrue love.. well i hope it is because i love to love and love is the base of trust and vice versa. i don't want to lomit my flr partner just to FEMDOM. FEMDOM might or might not be a part of a FLR, but it certainly is not the same. FLR is much wider, deeper and really fullfulling on all levely.
FemDom, to me, is not desirable in the least. In fact it is a turn off to me as portrayed. Serving my one and only woman - my wife - is a turn on.
I do not think femdom is destructive to FLR. I Think they can coexist. Femdom is part of flr and TPE and so is part and parcel.
Fem Dom is a type of porn and shows women in an unrealistic way, one that is a male fantasy. For this reason it may be destructive to positive relationships with women.
In my case, I have FemDom fantasies that I know my wife has no interest in fulfilling. These FemDom fantasies interfere with the very real relationship that I have and am trying to improve by entering into a FLR. As I said, my wife is indeed uncomfortable with most of what FemDom portrays, and my own fantasies could interfere with the FLR that we are trying to build if I don't recognize them for what they are.
I have to agree with Btmmark here. Femdom is a very broad term. Femdom in it's basic form is Female Dominance. Dominance is control, controller is the leader, hence some may consider this to be the same or similiar many aspects of a Female Led realionship. I think the point here is that Femdom relating to sex and kinks can and should only be at the woman's discretion and choosing.
Femdom gives an unreal imagine of women, based more on male desires that on the real needs of women. These imagines don't allow the growth of the relationship, conversely based on vulnerability, connection and dependence, important elements to real intimacy.
Femdom is not a realistic portrayal of women and their beliefs. Women have the right to define their FLR as it suites them and they should not have to fit this role into framework that is meant to be titilating for men.
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