After 16 years of marriage Zia has taken formal control of the 5 food groups and the couple is enjoying a healthy, positive level 3 relationship. Both Andy and Zia had been learning what they can about FLR and developing more formal skills to help them live in peace and productivity.
The magic sauce for this relationship is both partners are mature, communicate well, have a sense of connection and responsibility to each other, and are growing. Neither one is perfect and they forgive each other when faulted. Both are kind and loving to each other and attempt to know and meet the others needs. They remain friends. Though they play with slavery there is no slave in this relationship, just a man and a woman in love and in FLR. Zia uses punishment as part of control and Andy accepts her authority.
Zia while focused on her career is feeling the aging process and spends much more time making corrections to her appearance. Zia is considering cosmetic surgery, fantasizes about sleeping with young men, has a secret fantasy about sleeping with another women. Zia is concerned about how Andy will feel if she steps out again. She worries about Andy wanting to go back to work because she will be losing her support person to some extent. Zia also worries that Andy will become dissatisfied with their relationship and want out if she does not improve things for him.
Andy has several concerns as he gets older. 1) He wants to get back out in the work community; 2) he wants more and varied sex and potentially to fulfil his fantasies; and 3) Andy feels his youth slipping away and wants to get more active in outdoor sports. Andy wants to go back to graduate school. He started but never finished and feels like finishing would give him an edge when we reenters the job market. He feels Zia does not pay enough attention to his going back to work. Andy spends some time alone looking at internet porn during the day and sees some things that turn him on. Andy is voluntarily in chastity and Zia holds the key but we wants more than they are doing now and thinks it will be more interesting if Zia were very aggressive. Lastly, the kids need less of Andy's time now and soon they will be able to care for themselves full time so Andy wants to get out more, play some sports, have fun, he would even like Zia to join a team with him.
Zia arranged for the kids to be gone for a week to summer camps in preparation for her and Andy to spend time together and talk things through. Zia made a list of what she wanted to accomplish. She is demonstrating excellent leadership skills by spearheading this for the couple. The kids go off on a Saturday. That day Zia and Andy spend the day together at some antique shops, they share a lunch. The day is light. That night they both make dinner together and enjoy some wine. Zia has the after dinner intimacy all planned in her mind to stimulate Andy's thinking. Andy really enjoys what Zia starts doing and participates eagerly. In the end they are both very satisfied sexually and sleep. Sunday morning is when she plans to begin discussing things over coffee and breakfast.
While sipping coffee served by Andy, Zia comes clean about her fantasies and concerns. Andy is taken back a little but soon becomes inspired to share his as well (excellent leadership by Zia). Zia made sure Andy was uncaged so they were meeting as equal partners in their relationship. Zia explaind her love for Andy and desire to play around too and how conflicted she is becuase she wants him to be secure and satisfied and feel very loved. The couple diverts the conversation for a while to Andy's desires. It takes a week of being alone and talking things through to come up with their agreement, something that works for both of them, but as a couple they deside to stick it out together and Andy sees a need to make Zia more secure by his behavior.
Andy is going to do more to make sure Zia feel empowered and secure about him being there for her. Andy does not want to leave Zia but he does want more from life and sex. Zia agreed to Andy going back to work when their youngest child reaches 18 and leaves for college. Andy can start grad school now on-line so he will finish about the time their kids are ready to leave. Andy and Zia both agree to join a softball team together so they can have some outside fun in sports without much risk. Zia will spend some time at her choosing to fulfil Andy's fantasy, but only what she wants and only when she wants. Andy may never again look at porn; he agrees. Andy was put off by the idea of Zia with another man but somehow being with another woman was sexy; the message became clear to both of them that there is a double standard. Andy and Zia both know when Zia steps out Andy will feel less secure; but the couple agreed because of the double standard that they could experiment with it to see how it effected each partner. Andy is conflicted, part of him finds it sexy and wants to watch and part of him is very insecure about it. Time will tell how this relationship goes but for now, they are happy, moving forward and finding balance and good communication.
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The 5 Food Groups In depth
|Women were asked|
|I like the thought of punishing him?|
|In Some Ways||No||Yes|
86% of women like the idea of punishment in their relationships. The trick is being comfortable with your choices and responsible to your core values in doing it.
|Women were asked|
|The thought of commanding him?|
Women opverwhelmingly like the idea of commanding their men. 97% of those polled were positive about it.