Hello Joe,
I am really interested in knowing about how you both learned to stay on track and maintain the relationship. I can completely relate to your comments about faltering and getting off track. In my own experience the ability to keep the dynamic going and not drift back into old habits and behaviors was a problem. There was an on again and off again cycle that went on for years. We often had several weeks or months of really good connection and satisfying interactions.
When one or both of us got busy or stressed with other things, the dynamic would gradually be put aside and even given up completely for a time, only to re-start when one of us, usually me, professed the desire to return to the behaviors and relationship style that had made us happy and seemed to work so much better. We would start anew. This cycle repeated many times until we broke up and divorced.
We were both independent thinkers and doers. We often spent time doing our own things and not always spending a lot of time together. Regardless, sometimes, not always, this worked well too. I enjoyed being the house husband and keeping things in order or helping her with things that made her life easier during her busy times with work or other activities that she spent time on. It was always exciting for a time to be in that supportive role.
However, when I too had a lot to do or was really involved in other things outside of the home, things went off track and sometimes completely, for weeks or months.
I have to admit that masturbation was a part of the drop off for me. Once I started that, during times we were busy with our own things, there was a definite loss of the more pleasant and functional dynamic that we both seemed to want. However, I don’t think that was the whole cause. Perhaps it was and I can’t admit it. However, it was a contributing factor to be sure.
A device didn’t work. She thought it was silly. I found it uncomfortable and very impractical for leading a real life outside of the relationship. Going to the gym, swimming, public restrooms, whatever. It just didn’t work for me, especially as she thought it ridiculous as well. We did try it. I still find it to be an interesting fantasy. However, for a full real life it didn’t work for us.
Anyway, thanks for your post and if you would like to share anything you learned then please do, write here or shoot me a message. Happy holidays to you.