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The best tip I can give any man about loving female led relationships is "try to see things from her perspective" Examine how women think and do things, put yourself in her place.
Author: 2011-06-23 16:45:42 [reply]
SusanM88 With my strong focus on serving my wife I don't feel concern about the social attitudes of others, that's up to them. I have a clear self-visualisation of my devotion to her and am proud about that. So I don't feel I'm bound by traditional social pressures. Where I do need to improve most is exactly in the area you mention, of putting myself in her place and trying to see things from her point of view. How does what I do (or don't do) impact on her sense of well-being? I have some idea but not a complete one I'm sure.
Reply by: Karim56 2012-07-30 18:37:36
A wiseman once told me that EVERYONE has something worth listening too and when you listen enough you will get smarter. We value the ideas and opinions of our readers on the topic of "Help with re-socialization tips and advice - issues in flr - aboutflr.com. "True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information." Winston Churchill (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)
I have a question: When it comes to parenting my role is...to be the last line of defense when the children are acting out. When I step in, the children know it's really game over. How it works is my wife does the yelling, but then she will say, "I'm gonna tell your father." Then daddy drops the hammer. So who is in charge? Is he or is he supporting his female lead? I thank anyone in advance for thier input. gat1207
Author: 2011-07-19 05:51:16 [reply]
Gat1207 Here is an assignment/test for you, because I think you need to step back and examine your views of what leadership is. 1) look at any female leader you can find and see how they "do it", then look at male leaders and do the same test. Make a matrix of skills they use. Your view of leadership may change when you see "domineering" leadership is rare by women and common for men and that you are expecting a women to act like a man. Learning to accept leaders where they are at and grow from there is a good thing, and remembering some people are not leaders is also good to know.
Reply by: 2011-07-29 14:21:03 [reply]
Randell Sorry for the delay in answering your response which I do appreciate. We know that women lead in a much different fashion than men. Both men and women set high goals but the method to inspire others to fulfill those goals in different. Women use consensus, cooperative and collaborative measures, and are more oriented to enhancing others’ self-worth with great focus on the purpose of the employment. This we know. However do these same women employ these methods at home? Even if they do, do they recognize themselves as the leaders of their homes. I have no method to measure or review that data; however in my experience, having known at least a few female leaders, they acquiesce at home. It is simple my premise that they have no reason to assume the mantle of leadership, thus acknowledge FLR is doomed, because by employing the methods above they don’t have to be the leader to guild the food groups. Looking for answers gat1207
Reply by: 2011-08-02 13:41:00
Gat1207 so it is obvious that men and women do things differently and men have expectations of women in FLR to behave in some way to pleases men. So in your case it is a lose lose, because she can't be herself and you can't humble yourself as her mate and follower. I wonder if you really want a man to lead you? Or perhaps 'just' a woman who does it how you want it?
Reply by: 2011-07-30 22:48:26 [reply]
Guest Thank you for your insight or rather opinion. I query right back to you is humbling oneself really necessary to obtaining a good and loving FLR? Isn’t re-socialization a much more complex issue than simply humbling oneself? Whether I am humble, re-socialized or otherwise, leadership and my discharge of that leadership, is necessarily dependent upon someone else, male or female, accepting the leadership role. Seeking the win/win gat1207
Reply by: 2011-08-02 14:20:34
I think it's ok for men to discipline the children as long as it is clear to all that he is under direct supervision by his wife. However, as children get older this role should naturally fall to eldest daughter so the female leadership values traits are consistent and passed on to the children. This will also prevent the male from being distressed by a contradiction of his natural and purposely resocialized submissive tendencies.
Reply by: 2011-10-19 09:17:10 [reply]
I am going flame a bit. It is hot where I am and maybe the heat gotten to me. Implied in the above statement is what I believe that I have come to learn about women and FLR. Women, as in the women above, want and do control food groups, here life direction, but don’t want to be the final authority. Truthfully, why would they? The men here, myself included, allegedly want connection and greater intimacy. Not necessarily traits of leadership which I allege, in the male, require separation. So if you have control and an executioner to implement your will why would one want to be the “final authority?” FLR is doomed because of the inherent necessity of assumption of authority, which women have no reason to assume. Disillusioned gat1207
Author: 2011-07-25 14:01:53 [reply]
Gat1207 FLR requires a willing woman to lead and a willing man to follow, no relationship is doomed if both partners love and respect each other in their roles. No women who is a follower will make a good leader. No man who is a leader and unwilling to empower his woman can be a follower. My 10 cents
Reply by: 2011-07-26 08:43:36 [reply]
Eva You 10 cents is appericated and well taken. Empowered women still have little reason to acknowledge that they are the leader where they can direct from the second position, as above, and never accept the mantel of leadership. Therefore it is my theory that most FLR'S will never be acknowledged whether he is willing, re-socalized or otherwise. Searching for clues gat1207
Reply by: 2011-07-26 11:45:42
Gat1207 When I was in high school the disciplinarian was the vice-principal, not the principal. When one vice-principal was promoted to principal, he became a good guy and a new vice-principal was brought in to be the enforcer. In many organizations the CEO isn't the bad guy when one is needed, someone else takes that role (a lawyer, human resources, a VP, etc.). So, you are the designated enforcer when it comes to the children. Your wife is still in charge and is still the final authority. She is just delegating the role of enforcing her rules with the children to you. I would expect you to have little or no discretion -- if she tells you to drop the hammer, you obey her and drop it.
Reply by: 2011-08-03 06:42:59 [reply]
Being employed in a company that is renowned for leadership focus, and having spent some time in its study, it is troubling to read statements about styles of leadership being a gender trait. I have found the notions of all women lead this way and all men lead that way to be very much in the category of canard, and would caution against relying on them. I have found leadership styles and gender to be disconnected and more a matter of personality. The best leaders are those who can adapt different styles to different situations and audiences as needed.
Author: 2011-08-17 10:20:55 [reply]
By resocialization do we mean changing how he feels about himself? Bret is a confident guy and I am attracted to that, what I'd like to change is his head strong ideas, confidence yes, stubborn no. I have been experimenting with him thinking about humility and the things that make women better leaders. I am making some progress, anyone have any tips?
Author: 2011-09-19 07:41:32 [reply]
CathyEle If you love him and have the energy then love him into changing by showing him an image of what his behavior looks like to you and help him correct it. Each time he does it make a hand sign to let him know he is doing it, so you can tell him anywhere. If you need help ask your girl friends to help or your sisters or mother or even your daughters if you have kids. The idea is -- it is natural to want to change for the good and there is no shame in it - his change benefits the entire community and is positive. You can also try positive rewards and withdrawing privilege as motivators. Use rewards that are natural to his behavior like a smile, touch or kiss showing your approval for a job well done - hope that helps.
Reply by: 2011-09-20 06:46:45 [reply]
CathyEle Resocialization takes time and you have to be persistant. Has he agreed to you taking over the finances food group? If not that is a great start... after that work on the domestic chores food group.
Reply by: 2012-12-25 16:17:49 [reply]
If it is a lot of work, people might not do it unless the reward is equal or greater to the task. Wisdom from the ages that came form my mom. Couples should think of resocialization as the process of correcting problems learned by men as a boy so men can teach their boys better ways. Imagine a world where women are not objects?
Author: 2011-10-09 17:07:13 [reply]
SusanM88 I can so relate to this with my son right now. My wife is addressing things in me that are amplified in my son. Things that I don't see in myself, by myself, but are blaring issues with my son.
Reply by: 2012-02-14 08:31:30 [reply]
we started a chore list my wife puts out for the week and daily as the need i make sure to back her up and let them know they must listen to her and no back talk so far we see a change in them doing better kids have open minds they pick up things faster they we think
Author: 2011-11-23 15:21:11 [reply]
Steve1957 It would be better to have your wife come and authenticate your posts Steve. One of the things we are guarding against is men promoting ideas that are not real. So please invite her to contact us and authenticate. It is cool what you are saying here but it would be better if a woman said it.
Reply by: 2011-11-23 17:03:51 [reply]
There is a discussion currently on the femdom101 blog that speaks to a fundamental question in an FLR: How much personal freedom is a man willing to give up to live under the leadership of a woman, to serve and obey her, and to accept her decisions on issues as the final word? The food groups and levels discussed on this site essentially represent gradations of that relinquishment of personal freedom/autonomy. Of course, any loving relationship requires some relinquishment to accommodate the needs and wishes of the partner. However, the basic issue -- actually for either partner but asked there for the man -- is how far is he willing to go.
Author: 2011-11-27 08:03:16 [reply]
Nerd it sounds so over the top when I think of his losing autonomy. It is one things to be willing to serve and surrender yet a whole new things to become a slave.
Reply by: 2011-12-01 05:29:45 [reply]
Guest In any relationship, including an FLR, there is some loss of autonomy. In my comment, I viewed the man in an FLR as giving up aspects of personal freedom, depending on the levels and food groups. The site I mentioned is mainly focused on an FLR that is Level 4+, where the man's loss of autonomy is nearly 100%. Perhaps you would regard that as being over-the-top, but it apparently meets his needs. In a Level 1 FLR where the woman controls one food group, the man's loss of autonomy might be 10% or 20%. That isn't over the top, but it is some loss of autonomy. He loses control of what he does relative to that food group. At level 3, depending on the arrangements, perhaps his loss of autonomy is 75%. Bottom line: if he gives her control what he does in some areas, it is a loss of autonomy in those areas. I hope this clarifies my comments.
Reply by: 2011-12-01 18:02:01
Nerd and Guest That is realistic thinking, I agree with Nerd. It is something couples need to discuss, experiment with and practice before committing to.
Reply by: 2011-12-05 11:10:51
I was in a flr for six years. I deferred to her most of the time. Occasionally I did not. For example, she wanted me to buy a winter overcoat that would look nice. I thot it would cost too much, so I refused.
Author: 2014-04-27 06:51:00 [reply]
It suddenly dawned on me! I have been coming here for maybe a little more than year,. I have bought the dream series, and the five food groups. I wish the training 1, and 2 with the five food groups were available in book form. But to the astounding revelation> I was coming home from work last night and It dawned on me that my needs are fulfilled by fulfilling the needs of the woman I love so dearly. It is soo simple, and clear. and when I told it too Her, she was kinda speachless. cause it is so simple and clear! My need - fantasy - desire is to serve Her completely, and her need is for me to obey completely, and respecter and treat her like the Queen of Princes that she is, and the way All women should be respected and treated. in simply committing to being completely obedient, our needs will be fulfilled. Further more, Doing so makes up infinitely closer by her being able to voice her needs and desires, and critique my performance, and by me being able to serve Her better by her telling and instructing me the best ways to do so. Amazing! I do not know how to say thank you enough for this wonderful resource.
Author: 2014-05-19 11:41:07 [reply]
Men answer the question: what do you expect to get from re-socialization that makes life better for your wife and how will you achieve it?
Author: 2015-04-22 18:03:22 [reply]