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Of course I should ask if it's what I want! I am a firm believer in asking and even at times demanding what I want. If both people are consenting adults, then both have the right to ask for what they want. Part of the beauty of it is finding what works for both and tailoring your relationship around that. My man and I had a really rocky beginning. It took us a couple of years to find our groove, but from my being really clear about how I want and need things, it allowed him to find where he could fit in and serve me. If I wasn't clear, then he couldn't know how to please me! My man is REALLY happy surrendering to me, and I am very happy with all he brings to me.
Author: 2011-01-27 23:40:12 [reply]
Oceana Not so sure about that. I would say it depends on the state of the relationship. Though perhaps that is what you meant? If on a first date, a girl asked me "I expect unconditional surrender from you." I would view it as a colossal red flag and be running for the hills. Negotiation, personal limits, all of this is sacrosanct to me. If a partner is my better (I believe this is the result of skills and traits that a person nurtures over their life. Not having a vagina.) I am happy to submit to them. If they want unconditional surrender, they are damned well going to have to prove themselves worthy of it. I'm not just going to throw it away because they say it's what they want. Though I know there are pleanty of guys out there looking for just that. It's why discussing it is so important. So as I say, after lots of talking and understanding, I agree. But if you are saying to ask for it at stage one? Yeah. No.
Reply by: 2015-04-05 00:00:14
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I would, as a sign he is all in. What I mean is if he is all in why not make him show it.
Author: 2010-12-10 18:46:15 [reply]
If I ask for "unconditional surrender" then I am truly in control. I like the idea but how does it work in real life. His work remains his domain? but all other parts belong to me? I'd do it just to see how it affects him and I. I could always un do it.
Reply by: 2010-12-29 17:05:44 [reply]
I think he should volunteer it, maybe even beg for it - okay that was over the edge but it might be fun to see just how sincere he is about it.
Author: 2011-01-24 16:12:32 [reply]
We were honest with one another from the start. We've been together for 7 years in a FLR and it started out that way...but only because I was honest with him up front. He was intrigued by it and was willing to try it. A willingness is a key component. For us, even after 7 years, surrender makes it hot! ha. If your guy likes to beg, or show favors, or demonstrate his surrender....it's all good. And, it's good for both partners. I think everyone thinks that it's a one way street and that the guy doesn't enjoy himself and that's so not true. What do you all think?
Author: 2011-01-26 08:12:45 [reply]
Guest Willingness is surrender. I agree that the FLR is not a one way street. While he is surrendering to you, you are surrendering by telling him the truth about what satisfies you and what you like and who you are. You know him because he has surrendered his true self and he knows you and has agreed to allow you to run the show. The woman has to be a grown up to be in a FLR because she too has to stand against all the "should's" of society and what a man should be. Men think nothing of playing both the aggressive and defensive parts of games on a field, why shouldn't they be the defense at home?
Reply by: 2011-01-28 22:08:30 [reply]
Unconditional surrender involves no attachment, so by asking him to surrender to your moves, you create desire and inspiration in him to continue to need this type of foreplay and sex to reach ecstatic elements of release.
Author: 2011-01-26 13:17:42 [reply]
Thanks for all the tips. I like the idea more and more. It is erotic but also sensible. Could turn into a real expression of love.
Author: 2011-01-27 17:35:51 [reply]
I think an appropriate topic now that we are discussing chastity and training is the renewal of the discussion of surrender. I believe there is a feeling associated with surrender that causes such an intimacy that FLR men shutter at the thought. How will training and chastity promote surrender?
Author: 2011-08-09 17:06:21 [reply]
Ann1000Days shuttering!!! gat1207
Reply by: 2011-10-06 12:03:43 [reply]
Ann1000Days Training and chastity promote a deep sense of surrender in me, perhaps also in other men, in several ways. First, the simple physical fact that I have surrendered to my wife control of my own orgasms and of the most private parts of my body. Second, denial increases my focus on her and my desire to please her. That's partly about my physical desire to achieve the reward of my own release by pleasing her. But at the same time the act of surrender involved feels like an emotional reward in itself to me. This might be connected to the third factor, the emotional "release" I gain by subjugating my ego, through the physical opposite of release that chastity involves. Intimacy is created by disclosing and surrendering my emotions as well as my physical bits to her scrutiny. So for me chastity and training is a triple-decker surrender, and all three induce a sweet sense of vulnerability in me and of intimacy between us.
Reply by: 2012-08-04 11:59:06 [reply]
Ann1000Days Afterthought: I realise that in trying to answer your good question, I didn't address the original question about asking for unconditional surrender. The moment of surrender feels deliciously unconditional to me. But my wife doesn't demand it, it is my gift to her. Her gift to me is to allow me to offer it to her and to accept it for what it is. Does unconditional also mean permanent? That's a pleasing fantasy for me but it would probably be too intense for both of us. Those unconditional moments do however wash over into increased trust and intimacy in the rest of our daily lives together. I feel immensely grateful to her and I try to do my best to show her that in small ways, day to day,even if I don't always succeed. I think the intimacy that results is also connected to the gradual progress we are making to me surrendering control of the food groups to her in ways that are not directly sexual at all. This surrender process on the big food groups is not yet unconditional although it would not trouble me if that's where we ended up, as long as my wife was comfortable with that. As far as I am aware it also does not involve positive reinforcement and behaviour modification training or other explicit negotiation and trading of benefits by either of us (even if that might be pleasing to me as a fantasy.) It just feels natural and right.
Reply by: 2012-08-04 12:35:20 [reply]
I think you should in the areas you want to control. I don`t see any difference between that and how I supervise at work, where the men who report to me have a standard to follow and must either follow it or be canned. Am I missing something?
Author: 2012-10-17 08:49:29 [reply]
Guest I'd like to work where you do, I don't find it true at work, most work places are collaborative and team oriented to keep people happy. If you mean following rules, I agree with you.
Reply by: 2012-10-25 21:17:40 [reply]
In mysticism the prince always offered his unconditional surrender to the Princess , on his knees. In every Opera men in song offer their surrender to the one that will claim them. In chess , that represented society , it is the king that surrenders to the queen in a check mate situation. In a true FLR relationship, absolute surrender is essential for the perfect balance that is the truth in the most passionate of relationships.
Author: 2014-03-15 10:37:22 [reply]
Only after a lot of talking. Needs on both parts being met. Both, parties being able to handle it.
Author: 2014-07-22 09:20:17 [reply]
It is really nice to have found this site where many of the postings are genuine and not just another male fantasy. I am in the process of being rebuilt having been 'broken'by a very brilliant, talented, mature and experienced lady. Please forgive me but it is not a question of the man surrendering it is more akin to waking up one morning and realising that one is surrendered. Possibly on a very deep level it always has been the case but it needed the intervention of a dominant/active partner to recognise and essentially liberate the one who is submissive/receptive. It is a truly symbiotic relationship, thus both parties need each other in order to be able to fulfil their individual potential. So it follows that real surrender is not just a result of some outside force, rather it is merely the uncovering of what already exists. It is exactly the same for the dominant partner.
Author: 2017-01-18 17:31:08 [reply]