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My theory is that the more intense his career is, the more he wants to be lead when he is away from his work. My man is a fire chief. His work is SO intense. I am his distraction and his salvation. When he comes to see me he wants me to make most of the decisions around what we're going to do and how we're going to do it. If I ask what he wants, he won't answer. For him, surrendering to me is his way of completely disengaging from the rest of his life. In fact, there have been several times when he drives over to my house just to do my dishes and to"please me" After he's done, he goes back to work.
Author: 2011-01-27 23:37:27 [reply]
Oceana That is sweet! It is true that surrendering brings with it a peace. :)
Reply by: 2011-05-21 12:36:38
A wiseman once told me that EVERYONE has something worth listening too and when you listen enough you will get smarter. We value the ideas and opinions of our readers on the topic of "Why does he want to surrender? - Issues in female led relationships. "True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous, and conflicting information." Winston Churchill (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)
Everything in our culture barks against his surrendering to you. Why do you think he wants it?
Author: 2010-12-10 18:44:05 [reply]
You know, I just came out and asked my partner one evening after dinner what about surrendering appealed to him. I told John that most men have been so conditioned to lead and dominate that they find it hard to submit to anyone, let alone a woman. John and I have been in a female-led relationship for around 7 years and we like it. It works for us, so I had no problem or qualms asking him about this topic. He said he couldn't answer for all guys, but that for him it was refreshing and relaxing and made lovemaking more enjoyable for him. He shared with me that most men worry about whether or not they are pleasing their women, if they are 'good' at it. With a female-led relationship the communication is there and there's no second guessing on the guy's part. He said that it allows him to fully immerse himself in the sensations of the moment and to focus on doing what I'm telling him to do. I went on to ask him about the forcing issue, that some men don't like to think they are being forced or ordered around. He said that there's a fine line between loving partners and that we never crossed that line. I think he's right in that respect. I mean, I do tell him to do things and there are often times when he acts unwilling and we do some role playing, but that's different from my making him do things that I know in the core of him wound his spirit. There's nothing worse than having a partner with a broken spirit, just as there's no fun in riding a horse that has no spirit or energy. Forcing is one thing, being brutal about it is another. What really cinched this conversation was that at the end of it he told me that he always has a smug grin on his face when his guy friends start talking about their women and their relationships. I asked him why he grinned smuggly around them. He said because he never has to worry if he has pleased me. He knows he has and that in itself makes him feel good about the relationship and himself.
Author: 2011-01-26 07:59:03 [reply]
Guest It sounds as if the two of you have a wonderful relationship. I hardily agree that you can't wound the spirit of another person. A good leader takes care of her follower and doesn't do anything to destroy them. I do think it is is interesting to see John's comment of always knowing what you like and if he has pleased you. How many times have comedians pointed out that old standard said by women when they are miffed, "Well, if you don't know, I'm not telling you." The guy walks around with a permanent question mark for a face.
Reply by: 2011-01-28 21:39:05 [reply]
Victoria Quite right, simple and easy to understand is better - sometimes it take training and time to learn how to please our mates. Guys want to please, make comfortable and pleasure their women. That kind of politeness is trained into many of us.
Reply by: 2011-01-28 21:47:14
Guest This point nails it for me. I think because when she isn't in charge I never quite believe I know what she wants or if she is getting it, I crave that lack. Also, there is self knowledge that comes with surrender, that i seek.
Reply by: 2011-08-22 11:18:11 [reply]
It gives a man great power to surrender to every feeling and emotion a woman offers him. Most men are too hooked on having to be the one in control, and reversing this technique creates excitement.
Author: 2011-01-26 13:12:14 [reply]
Girlwithadirtymind What you said is the essence of why a man wants FLR. It provides him something he cannot get while leading. He gets intimacy, connection, and a sense of control. A lovely thought - like a deep breath of fresh air.
Author: 2011-01-26 13:38:39 [reply]
as a man I have pressed my wife for a FLR. I do all the grocercy shopping and do my equal share of laundry ironing etc however I think this is more an eqaul relationship than a FLR.My wife is aware of my submissive tendencies but I don`t think she is overly comfortable with leading the relationship.
Author: 2011-01-26 17:03:15 [reply]
Stany Stany, I had a very hard time moving into the "top" position. When I first started writing and discovering other people who thought it normal to fantasize and dream about submission and domination, I was all sub. I didn't have to do much thinking or taking care of me. All I needed was a safe word and hope that my partner would be able to read my mind. I had probably written a couple of hundred stories when my publisher pushed me to try to write the woman as the dom. I had a very difficult time with it. The thing that really got me was a friend informed me that I handled my language better as a dom. In my case, at first writing the dom made me at least think about acting it out. I discovered that I liked the top as I kept on. Of course, I learned a lot about men as I wrote for them according to their own desires. A couple of the first guys I played with as a dom, I had to be pushed a little. For me, I had to be adult enough to take extra care of the partner. It is easy to hurt another individual for all the thick skin they claim to wear. When another person is sharing their biggest secret, you have to be adult and caring. I wonder if your wife would read stories that deal with your fantasies? Or perhaps this forum. Wives miss a lot when they don't give this a try.
Reply by: 2011-01-30 22:20:22 [reply]
Stany There is nothing "equal" about an FLR...it must be all about placing the woman's needs and wants above your own. Besides grocery shopping, its ALL the laundry and ironing, plus the dishes, toilets and yard work as well.
Reply by: 2011-04-23 23:10:54 [reply]
DMC728 Not so. There are degrees in everything and one size does not fit all. One could gather as much within the context of this site if one would simply glance at the different levels and what differentiates them.
Reply by: 2011-08-22 11:20:41
I can summarize, somewhat, that men have tremendous pressures on them to provide and be the bread winner and it would feel nice to come home and not have to be in charge and make decisions on the home front. But, this is really all I can gather from the man’s perspective. Can somebody offer additional insight on this?
Author: 2011-02-15 07:47:34 [reply]
Guest It's a very good question. Someone wrote on this page that "surrendering brings with it a peace." That's an important part of the answer for me. As another poster said, another part of it is that if you want to please your wife then asking her what she wants puts you in a better position to provide it, to the fulfillment of both. Except of course that my wife, like many women I think, often likes me to somehow divine what she wants without her having to spell it out for me! And sometimes what she wants is for me to be strong and confident! So if your goal is to please her by offering her what she wants, you may well find that you need to surrender on her terms not yours! I guess that's all part of the delicious magic of growing a loving relationship between a man and an flr woman. And when she does allow you to offer your surrender to her and for you to find your peace, it may be best to understand that as her gift to you, not yours to her.
Reply by: 2012-08-04 11:09:24 [reply]
When you read romance novels you can almost visualize surrender as being the letting go of all things for the moment. I hope that moment will last for ever.
Author: 2011-03-03 21:18:51 [reply]
I finally fully surrendered last night. I asked if I could say something and told her she was now in control. We then had a short conversation before going to sleep. I've been edging her towards this because I trust her not to abuse the power she has been given. She was happy to be the boss and agreed it had been slowly coming for a while. We slept more closely together than for a long while.
Author: 2011-05-09 06:29:08 [reply]
Reply by: 2011-09-22 10:34:20 [reply]
I really like this idea of surrender, it is poetic and evokes good feelings in me. The idea of a person laying down their life for me, putting aside their agenda for a while to help me or serve me. That makes me smile.
Author: 2012-10-12 16:58:13 [reply]
Who days he truly wants to surrender? It sounds great in porn, books, tv, etc. We all still have lives. Family, kids, elderly parents and the list goes on. Submission is different than surrendering.
Author: 2014-07-22 09:13:14 [reply]
surrender would in my perspective bethe transition from the independent male to Her loyal loving,caring,supporting and one and only soul mate. Being aware that it Means a life-long journey for both.
Author: 2018-01-27 02:53:19 [reply]
Prior to finding this website I started on a journey of self discovery and learning of FLR and D/s relationships. I appreciate the later terminology is not popular on this site. However one of the most valuable steps I made was connecting with a women I met online who has been in the lifestyle for some time. She has been “training/conditioning” me into understanding FLR and BDSM with the focus of success being on the former. We both enjoy the later but this isn’t what makes for a successful relationship. Many, if not all of the lessons I have read on AboutFLR.com what she has been teaching me. We discuss what I am learning here. Apparently I have very natural instincts when it comes to being a FLR man but I did still have that kink focus and didn’t see how to get the best of me presented when engaging with women. My biggest obstacle is not trusting in another and allowing myself the freedom to let go. I have seen when I can do this I am happier and more content...furthermore find I am more appealing to women - edited by staff [reason: awarded 10 points]
Author: 2018-03-26 08:01:05 [reply]