Why he wants punishment - Issues in female led relationships - AboutFLR.com

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Why he wants punishment - Issues in female led relationships

Discussing Issues in Female Led Relationships

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Men seem to equate punishment with one who is greater then they are, also it is a strong focus time on him, could be he wants control and force to change, could be penance. It is a way of submission.
Author: Admin 2010-12-10 17:30:57    [reply]
It is much simpler, faster and easier to understand than strife, the cold shoulder, anger, the quiet treatment etc...
Author: Randell 2011-01-23 08:51:49    [reply]
Very well said. Much prefer knowing where you stand.
Reply by: Searching2016 2016-05-11 10:15:42    [reply]
In our relationship, punishment is definitely a way for me to submit to her. We use a variety of punishment methods, and the one she actually employs in a given situation we agree to ahead of time. But, for us, punishment is not submission to one who is greater. It is a re-affirmation of our respective choices, where we both accept her as the leader of our relationship and me as her subservient. We are very careful to maintain respect for each other's free choice to engage in this wonderful (and sometimes fragile) personal commitment.
Author: Guest 2011-01-24 09:01:56    [reply]
Accepting punishment from a lady entails trusting her and submitting to her, trust and submission are bound up with love and closeness. As a submissive i know punishment means something and is significant when the lady who is doing it means something to me and is significant to me, the punishment is at once an expression of her power over me because of my recognition of her significance to me and my trust in her and aknowledgement of her superiority. If i did not think her superior or she meant nothing to me the punishment would be meaningless and mindless. Like most forms of submission although the punishment is physical it is actually what is going on in the dommes mind and in the submissives mind and the significance they attach to the act and each other which means the ritual has meaning and strenghtens their bond. In this i do not feel the ritual is so different from other rituals people share when they mean something to each other.
Author: Guest 2011-03-12 13:38:24    [reply]
Guest if you are a submissive why do you need punishment, it seems to me that other types are more likely to need punishment becuase they have trouble submitting.
Reply by: Prickly Pear 2011-03-28 20:18:11    [reply]
Prickly Pear It is a great point, and I think the answer can lie in a couple of different areas. One is behavior modification. The implication here is that there is a behavior he has agreed to change and may require occasional reenforcement to accomplish a permanent change. Another lies in the difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment is tied to an event to me, and discipline is more just a ritual exercise of control. Under this model the submissive man might be disciplined outside of a transgression. Want can desire submission without being good at it! Accepting a punishment can be quite an experience.
Reply by: Chris68 2011-08-24 11:51:42    
i do not enjoy being punished,but do enjoy the thought of it happening to me or the remembering of it happening to me,by the one that controls me.i enjoy it because it tells me that She has an interest in me and a desire to make me a better man for Her,as oppose to discarding me.
Author: Looking4 2011-03-14 09:09:02    [reply]
Looking4 In the MAG group we would call this FemDom jargon. I see lowercase i alot in SMS and texting but the capitalization of She and Her is what the lesson was saying is supportive of a fetish. Come join the group and see for yourself.
Reply by: Radzzz 2011-03-15 17:03:47    [reply]
Radzzz quite right, the lingo is that is those who play with dominance. It seems to me men seek out conversation about punishment because they are so attracted to it. I have to wonder why more couples don't use it for as many men as want it.
Reply by: Ann 2011-03-17 22:01:40    
Ann I think punishment is seen by men as a practical demonstration of the control by women that they seek. They seek to be obedient to a woman and punishment is the consequence of disobedience. There are a lot of possible punishment methods (corner time, line writing, withdrawing privileges) other than physical punishment such as spanking. It seems like many FLR blogs and sites focus on spanking as the main method of punishment. Also, there is the "maintenance spanking" that is not exactly a punishment but is done as an FLR ritual. Some men who blog proudly make spanking devices to add to their woman's collection of implements. I think that many couples do use spanking as part of their FLR activities either as punishment or as ritual.
Reply by: Nerd 2011-03-19 18:05:33    [reply]
Punishment can be a means to get the point across of who leads and who follows. Punishment In contrast to child or animal education, the punishment in FLR is willingly accepted by the man. As she is in command it must be her chosen means. The male fantasy often wants punishment and tries to impose it on her. If punishment occurs in a FLR relationship it must be very clear who in fact does profit from it. Easing control can be a greater punishment than harder control. If a couple finds itself in a situation where repeated punishment is necessary an evaluation of the relationship might be necessary. If the man is committed to his wife then necessity for punishment becomes obsolete.
Author: Buntekuh 2013-02-25 09:19:51    [reply]
Punishment has some roots in kink and sex but on another level punishment always exists in a relationship. What i mean by that is if one partner does something of which the other does not approve then there are consequences of one sot or another. It might be silence, or it might be a comment or a stand up row. There is no formaility in this and sometimes they can go on for days. Physical punishment however is not like that it is immediate and negotiated and finished with once it is over. That in my view is better than the process of attrittion often used by couples.
Author: Ivanjac 2012-12-28 05:41:19    [reply]
Ivanjac This argument you make is typical, but there is no proof that punishment done at the time of offence actually makes things better or ends the offence in the mind of your mate at that time. It may be that your mate punishes but her feeling about what you did may still carry on as any number of other punishments. The only good point to this argument might be that you know that what you did made her angry. A woman would need to be very disciplined about her emotions to punish, then talk about it then let it go.
Reply by: Ann1000Days 2012-12-28 08:02:46    [reply]
Ivanjac In my opinion punishment is a service rendered solely to the person that is punished. If I e.g. offended my partner and she punishes me for it, then I feel atoned for my misdeed. I find it easier to bear to be a bad person. I wish that she forgives me. It helps me to accept me as the bad person I must be (and enforces the feeling of being a bad person which aggravates the situation instead of solving it). However it does nothing for her. It does not put the offense right. It does not entail a heartfelt apology on my part. Instead of being prepared to look into my heart and understand what made me offend her at the time, I want to be atoned for it. First I offend, then I ask her to do me a favour. Quite grotesk if you come to think of it. FLR may encompass punishment, because that is what he wants. If I feel or am being told that I am at fault, then it is much easier for me (as a submissive man) to take punishment than look the person in the eye. To me the power of FLR is, that I do not have the option to hide anymore.That I concede her the power to corner me any time and make me think about and explain my actions. I believe that her strength in communication is my chance of getting a better understanding of myself.
Reply by: Buntekuh 2013-05-16 10:53:46    [reply]
Punishment must be agreed upon. This is what it makes it different from abuse. Both partners should agree on the terms of the punishment and both should welcome it. Punishment helps tension to be defused, brings correction and also it is an affirmation of the love and caring between the disciplinarian wife and her submissive partner. Punishment also reinforces obedience and is a reminder to the partners of their perspective roles. Punishment strengthens the bonding between two FLR partners.
Author: Dionn_4FD 2014-01-27 15:38:22    [reply]
Dionn_4FD I disagree Dionn, asking many women to punish causes tension; they don't want to hurt anyone especially their guy. This sounds a little like fantasy dribble "punishment reinforces obedience" blah blah blah - this kind of language is off into BDSM and FemDom. In relationships men and women work things out, help each other and in the case of FLR she helps him learn how to please her. It is a process that requires very little force and almost no punishment. I suggest you learn more about what makes women tick, you'll find a few who like to punish and 99% who don't along with the great majority who find it stressful and offensive. A woman who loves her man is most likely willing to help him change in a more adult and practical way. Look into behavior modification first and add chastity if she is willing and does not find it offensive -- FLR is about women leading men not men getting their fantasies fulfilled. Sorry for the rant... but you ticked me off.
Reply by: Beth Ann Raymos 2014-01-28 10:44:43    [reply]
Beth Ann Raymos Good point Beth - some of the guys are off the deep end into fantasy. The spank me beat me, keep me in chains crowd. I like that in play but I like real men who are manly not cowering or terrified of me. The real thing that reinforced obedience is control - controlling begins as a handoff from a man to a women then becomes authority and later entitlement. The Ideas expressed in chastity are one of those ways I see signal to a man`s brain that he has handed off control and now is following. The harder way is an agreement that can remind him of his choices and role.
Reply by: SusanM88 2014-04-25 17:39:50    


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