I have not posted in this site’s current incarnation, though I was more active a while back when I was single and looking. Some observations from years of scanning the online and offline worlds:
1. Submissive men VASTLY outnumber dominant women. My guess is that the ratio is above 10:1, maybe 20:1. This means that actual dominant women looking for a match live in a sea of submissive male desperation with highly variable desirability.
2. Most actual dominant women don’t put up with the desperation and scamming of The Interwebs because they don’t have to. This raises the percentage of Dommes to subs even higher, and we haven’t even gotten to the “fakes” yet.
3. Any “free” resource is inundated with scammers. This means you pay with your time and personal risk instead of paying money for a service that will sort out the scum from the desirable. A scammer’s time is worth very little because they are leveraging assets for greatest reach and profit. Fetlife can be great if you can get introductions from people you know, but it suffers some of the same problems as open dating forums.
4. Even when an actual Domme connects with an actual sub, there is chemistry, life circumstance, preferences/needs, and other barriers to overcome. That’s not easy… in fact it may be even harder than building a vanilla relationship. Compounding this is that so many men are actually in a committed relationship, so if they get any attention they are like a dog that actually caught the car… “now what?”
This site is better than most (stopped by collarme/collarspace lately?), and I enjoy the frameworks and articles that the original author created. But the dating section is still a “free” resource, so one must treat it as what it is. I contribute to a Domme-friendly site — not listing it here out of respect for this site, but DM if you want to know the URL — that is well moderated, but those are rare.
To Mistress VIP’s point, we all have to be careful with whom we connect and how we go about that. I actually have met some amazing people on line — relationships that involved in-person meetups and long-term mutual support — but the key is to slow down, take a deep breath, and observe each other for a bit. As long as a sub’s little head is doing the thinking, the scammers have him already.
Be careful, but keep looking.
QL