FAQ about Female Led Relationships and aboutFLR.com

We are trying to keep this site on the up and up with as much well thought out information as we can. FLR is a difficult subject because of the dark side and its negative impressions brought forth from misleading sources. Professionals, porn purveyors and men posing as women are not welcome here.

How many men and women really participate in female led relationships?

     The numbers will surprise everyone. There is no formal data from census on FLR participation but we have a few other ways to judge the participation. Book sales on the subject, the newness of website content and the number of websites participating on the subject. We have keyword searches on female led relationships and related phrases plus posts to blogs. Those that developed this site are experts on statistical data and internet usage.

     We estimate that participation by women in formal female led relationships numbers in the thousands and perhaps low tens of thousands. but for men most participation is informal and it is hundreds of thousands. Casual male participation (in play) is in the mid millions. The informal participation by couples likely numbers in the very low millions. Books on the subject don’t sell well and users groups are few and fail from time to time because of participation issues. Most internet content is old and out of date. So we will estimate there are 1.8 million women in the US/Canada/UK that are interested in FLR and 18 million men. That is the best we can do.

Why does this site exist?

     The site exists because most of the information online is provided by men interested in kink or by porn purveyors and professionals who prey on and profit from kinky male fantasies. The great majority of all websites contain pornographic images, strange fanatical doctrine (such as women as goddesses or superior by design) and BSDM (a acronym that has been associated with sex play, torture and so-called ‘lifestyle’) [read more about why we exist…]. This site is part of a much larger group of sites on human relationships in the internet age.

Who participates in this site?

     This site was basically written by 4 women and 1 man. by Jan 2011 thousands have participated in the project. Participation is open but monitored. We are and cater to intelligent people who want intelligent direction and answers. The content was written from a middle aged woman’s perspective for women to read. Men readers can use this as a resource for their mates and are welcome to participate.

Can I participate anonymously?

     Read away, take the quizzes, participate in the polls and contribute comments. All comments are screened by software and a human. If you register and confirm yourself as a woman you may dialog without censorship using a screen name.

Can I contribute content?

     We will need to make a relationship first. This site is protected because we want it to remain as a credible resource. If you are an expert or have expertise on some of the topics we encourage your contact (contact the admin). Users may participate at anytime.

Do you have personal ads?

     Personal ads coming soon!

Do you allow advertising?

Yes! Please contact the admin.

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Glossary of terms about Female Led Relationships

Alpha male

Sometimes called a bull or stud is a male serving a woman as her primary lover in relationships where she has more than one male servant.

Beta male

A male who has become or has been reprogrammed to be a second male in a womans life – most often submissive and gentile.

Control

power to direct or determine; “under control” — a relation of constraint of one entity by another; — exercise authoritative control or power over; “control the budget”; — the activity of managing or exerting control over something; “the control of the mob by the police was admirable”. — dominance: the state that exists when one person or group has power over another; “her apparent dominance of her husband was really her attempt to make him pay attention to her” — command: great skillfulness and knowledge of some subject or activity; “a good command of the subject.”

Creampie (sexual act)

Is a term used in pornography to describe when a male ejaculates inside his partner’s anus or vagina. The term also refers to the visible seeping or dripping of semen from the anus or vagina. Scenes of this type have become common in both male homosexual and heterosexual pornography since the turn of the century. [wikipedia]

Cuckold (sexual act)

In the realm of FLR ‘cuckold’ means a man who allows his wife or mate to have another male lover and participates or watches, and may or may not be used to clean her vaginal area after sex with her lover. Historically cuckold is a derogatory term for a man whose wife is or has been unfaithful. [wikipedia]

Desexualized

In the realm of FLR ‘desexualized’ means limiting or removing his access to sexual release and changing his socialization and sexuality. This can be as simple as chastity, orgasm denial and use of numbing creams or thick condoms or a great as reversing his sexuality from predator to prey.

Domestic Discipline

One mate punishing another – usually by spanking, some kind of whipping and or time out.

Dominance

Ruling over a sub – in this case commanding a sub to do things.

Equal relationships

Any relationship based on a the principles where both partner have equal decision making power – they make decisions together. Sometimes called 50/50 relationship.

Female Led Relationships

Any form of females control, leadership or management of a relationship with her man. 1. where she is leading, 2. where he is willfully following, 3) both acknowledge their roles.

FemDom

Female dominance (or Femdom) is those BDSM relationships and BDSM scenes in which the dominant partner is female. Often a dominant woman, she may be prefer to be called a domme (pronounced /’d?m/), femdomme, domina, dominatrix, or dom, depending on context or personal preference. A female dominant in a master/slave relationship is often termed a mistress, not to be confused with the colloquial usage of mistress as a kept sexual partner without a similarly formalized power relationship. [wikipedia]

Goddess Worship

A form of kink which includes obedience and acts of worship such as foot worship, bowing, servant like behavior – one form of worship is tribute where the goddess gets paid by the worshiper.

Healing relationships

The type of relationship that happens “on the rebound” where people look to fill needs they did not get in a past relationship. Also called a transitional relationship.

Leader

One who has at-least one follower.

Leadership

leader – a person who rules or guides or inspires others — the activity of leading; the status of a leader; the ability to lead;

Management

manage – be in charge of, act on, or dispose of — oversee: watch and direct — do: carry on or function.

Punishment

One mate punishing another – usually by spanking, some kind of whipping and/or time out.

Submission

Submitting to a the will of another (volunteering), sometimes called willful compliance.

Traditional relationships

Any based on a term of tradition such as male Head of Household (HoH). A relationship based on religious principles or traditional core values..

Unequal relationship

Any relationship where one partner had more decision making authority than another.

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Woman’s Guide to getting full disclosure about your mans desire to have a Female Led Relationships

Getting him to talk

     I think we are all aware that guys are not good at sharing their feelings. To fully understand where he is emotionally, you will need to create an atmosphere where he can be vulnerable and you can remain supportive of his coming clean to you. Remember he is asking for your help and your leadership so don’t wait to take charge; just make it happen and assume he will follow. If he does not follow, don’t shrink away or show frustration. Remind him that he wants your leadership and it would give you confidence if he would follow your lead in this effort to understand him. Tell him you want to “have a serious talk” about FLR and when you want it to happen.

     Ask if he would like to talk about it. Make a date to meet. Set up a room where you both can talk freely – the bedroom perhaps. Light one small candle so the room is dim. Sometime before the discussion give him a hand written note with a few instructions on it (playing to his desires). Instruct him to shower and come to you naked and when he arrives you want him to stand at attention with his hands behind his back and his head slightly lowered. This will play to his desires but not commit you to anything just yet. Prepare yourself with questions from your intuition about him or from things he has shared in the past. This is your first meeting so make sure your leadership helps move the process forward and does not derail it.

     Setting the mood for his fantasy will help you get information out of him that he would not have shared otherwise. You must remain clothed like you were dressed for work. A flattering skirt or dress is best. Showing your legs is important to his sense of fantasy. Style your hair. When he arrives, remind him to stand at attention and keep his hands behind his back, not to attempt to touch you until you ask. Spend sometime kissing and fondling so he is aroused. His mind is now on his body and you so you have him focused and slightly disarmed.

     Tell him you are going to ask some questions and he can tell you anything. If he wants you to see about an FLR, he needs to be frank, open and forthcoming with his answers. Tell him you are testing him. Then ask away. Anytime he begins to lose his arousal touch him lovingly and kiss him as you would to make love but don’t let him climax and don’t get overly erotic, don’t play the role his dominatrix fantasy if he has one, it goes too far because you are not committed to the idea of FLR yet. You are his mate, who he has asked to lead; remember that and remind often. Occasionally move him into another positions to reinforce his fantasy and keep him talking. Try having him kneel, facing the corner, laying on the bed, laying on the floor etc. Use your imagination. Remind him not to touch you unless you ask.

Things you should ask in the first meeting

  • Ask him how long he has been thinking about FLR. This will give you an idea of how much catch-up you have to make up.
  • Ask him why he wants you to lead him: this will give you an idea of the depth of willingness to share. He likely will choose only positive things and minimize those.
  • Ask him if he wants you as his leader to punish him for misdeeds: this is a key milestone pointing to how much focus he desires from you and what level he wants you to aspire to.
  • Have him move to a different position and spend time touching him again
  • Ask him how many times a week he masturbates: this will tell you the passion of his obsessions and fantasies.
  • Ask him to think back to the last time he masturbated and what he fantasized about: this will give you a look into his perspective of how he sees women in FLR. Ask him for details. What were you wearing? What was he wearing? Was their anyone else in his fantasy?
  • Ask him if he thinks about other women or men dominating/leading him. If he does, you can see that it is not just focused on you but on the “idea” of dominance and submission.
    • If you are hurt by this, tell him so and demand he apologize for thinking about sex with other women, you can tell him you want him to think about you alone.
    • Probe for more details, especially about what acts of sex he wants
      • Has he ever thought about being naked in front of your women friends? This is servile where he has to follow your commands and likely points to some form of volunteer slavery. Remember, he may be feeling shame about this.
      • Has he ever thought about you and another man while he watches and serves. This is the fantasy of cuckolding, common among men who want extreme FLR. Remember, he may be feeling shame about this.
      • Has he ever thought about being forced to perform oral sex on another man? This is the fantasy of slavery, sexual slavery and cuckolding. Remember, he may be feeling shame about this.
  • Ask him for his promise not to masturbate or spend time fantasizing for 7 days (assuming you want to have further conversations about this with him)
  • Tell him he is doing very well. Have him move to a different position. If you can, spend time touching him and kissing again. Try to remember why you both are there.
  • Ask him if he has looked at femdom or BDSM/BSDM porn on-line. This will tell you where he is enhancing his fantasies. This will be an embarrassing admission so he will tend to minimize his response.
  • Ask him how often each week he looks at femdom or BDSM/BSDM porn on-line: this will tell you how intensely he is enhancing his fantasies.
  • Ask him when and with what computer he is accessing these web sites.
  • Ask him for his promise not to look at any images of sex, femdom, porn or BSDM for 7 days.
  • At the end tell him you have committed to nothing yet and you want to have further conversations about this when you are ready (assuming you do). If you are done, then finish gracefully. If you want to pursue further, then finish this script.
    • Have him reinforce the promises he has made to you and ask him to confess immediately if he fails to keep any so you can maintain a level of trust. Promoting openness/transparency from this time on is better for you.
    • Ask him to dress for bed or go about his day whichever is best. Ask him to give you some space to think.
    • Separate yourself from him.
    • Now you will want to think things over.

You may be blown away. You may be hot. You may be disgusted. Women react differently and to what their men confess. Keep in mind, you don’t have the full story yet.

Keeping your relationship vital – Things you should keep asking

     Okay, now what? You have some answers. You may need to spend some time licking your wounds. Most of all, you will need to decide if you still want him or not. You can approach him and say you don’t want anything to do with FLR but that wont solve the issues created by his desires. You are in a relationship, that takes two and at least one of you is looking for FLR. We recommend follow-up discussions with your mate — discussions could lead to:

  1. Intervention (we don’t recommend this one).
  2. Ignoring the problem (we don’t recommend this one).
  3. Some kind of counseling (if he agrees and you won’t want anything to do with FLR).
  4. Greater interest in FLR (assuming you are interested).
  5. The drastic move of finding a new mate.

     Discussion may be hard work for some women and may be a pleasure for others. After all when is the last time you had an intimate conversation with him where he was vulnerable to you. If you want it to happen, it will because you can make it so?

Decision Time

  1. DONE! – If you are done with this and the relationship, then take appropriate action. If you are going this way:
    • We recommend you do not provoke anger in him.
    • We recommend you discuss your exit strategy with him.
    • You were friends before and you can be friends again.
    • If he stalks, begins behaving irrationally or you see signs of mental illness, act appropriately and publicly to protect him and you.
  2. I WANT HIM BUT NOT IT! If warranted, and he agrees, get a third party to help you, counseling may normalize your relationship again. If you are going this way:
    • We recommend you do not indulge any fantasy.
    • We recommend you get his agreement for help.
    • We recommend you both talk to find the deltas in your relationship that allowed his FLR desires. What is it that you as a couple are doing wrong.
    • We recommend you help him remove temptation (block the internet, stop secret masturbation).
    • We recommend you take caution not to embarrass him beyond measure by openly discussing his situation publicly, he may lose trust in you to discuss difficult things in the future.
    • Some couples find having more sex where the women taking an active role in making sure he has sex with her on a daily basis – normalize the relationship by reducing sexual tension.
    • Remember, obsessive behaviors are difficult to end.
  3. I WANT IT! If you are beginning to like the idea then take stock, learn all you can, create “your agenda” and grow. If you are going this way:
    • We recommend you only simulate fantasies until you have decided what you want.
    • We recommend you have several more planned meetings and add increasingly less stimulation to his body while you are talking. You both will become more comfortable talking openly.
    • We recommend you remind him FLR is on trial. He must remain humble, frank, forthright and open. Less than that tends to derail growing.
    • We recommend you educate yourself and join communities where FLR is discussed openly.
    • We recommend you get full disclosure from him by keeping the dialogue alive.
    • We recommend you figure out what you want to try or do and craft your FLR to enhance things you like. Experiment.
    • We recommend you learn his motivations/triggers for the success of your FLR, which will to help him grow.
    • It is fun being the leader when you have a good follower.
      • Settle in, make some goals for yourself, your man, and you both as a couple.
      • Find out what his goals are.
      • Set your agenda, allow time for experiments.
      • You don’t have to be perfect or an expert. You are you and he is he – just keep moving forward.
      • Set boundaries, rules and a way to correct problems.
      • Create a plan for adjustment.
      • Create a training plan.
      • Enjoy the perks and benefits.
      • Learn more about his motivation and motivate him.
      • The more you work his service into your relationship, the better he will like it.
      • Don’t be afraid to back-off.

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Over 70% of FLR women want men to bow to them

Bowing and curtsying used to be a public display acknowledging one persons submission to another. The deeper the bow the greater the submission. FLR women seem to want this revived. The scores go down when it is done in public by as much as 30%; which says women want the respect shown to them in their private lives or among close company. To me this is hot and useful. Hot because he is down at my feet and useful as it describes our relationship.

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