Female Led Relations are Different
> 70% of FLR women want men to bow to them
Bowing and curtsying used to be a public display acknowledging one persons submission to another. The deeper the bow the greater the submission. FLR women seem to want this revived. The scores go down when it is done in public by as much as 30%; which says women want the respect shown to them in their private lives or among close company. To me this is hot and useful. Hot because he is down at my feet and useful as it describes our relationship.
> 60% of FLR women want to use restraints on men
The photo survey is starting to level out so we can say with some confidence that women practicing FLR want to use steel, leather or rope restraints to level the playing field between men and women. Restraints are both erotic and utilitarian. Restraints basically reduce the ability of a man to resist and or touch himself of others. A chastity device and a collar are both forms of restraints as much as shackles and handcuffs. From this woman's perspective I appreciate restraints for several reasons. The power I feel when he is wearing them; the relative safety of his hand bound; and the effect on his attitude - it takes him down a notch and causes him to focus on the moment. I only use them in privacy. Most of the restraints shown in the photo survey also involved the man being naked which helps him humble himself to me. I think men want to be vulnerable to women and real restraints make that real for them.
Expected and Unexpected Trends in Photo Survey
An interesting data point that was expected turned out differently; having to do with third parties in a relationship. Images that show a naked man with multiple dressed women in the room, a woman with 2 men, a dressed couple with another naked man or a woman with 2 naked subs rated an average of 38% for women and 47% for men; so we can assume there is only a 4.5% difference and statistically men and women are close on the subject. The issue of a third party seems to be tied to who the third party is and how they were interacting with the man and the woman. When the image depicted many women seeing a man naked it gets very low marks but when it involves 2 men pampering a woman or engaged in intimacy the marks were nearly double. One being very public and the other private.
Depending on whose survey you read, somewhere between 0-20% of women cheat on their spouses or significant others and much of that cheating is retribution sex. Those same surveys place men at double or more that of women in extra-relational sex. Here in FLR, 4 out of 10 women have expressed wanting a somewhat more open relationship from benign shows of power like a man kissing her feet in front of her girlfriend(s) to more than one sex partner (neither of which need be her spouse). For men, others especially females, knowing they are subservient to their woman is the goal: from simplified public observed humility and submission to cuckolding and swinging. Putting women in a relationship where they get their sexual needs fulfilled without cheating makes sense. More women tend to the private side than men who want it somewhat to completely public. Of course cuckolding and swinging are fetishes and we will not study those.
Our past surveys show most women are monogamous, private and heterosexual. We are planning a separate survey to follow this topic for you.
Surprise - feminized men!
You may find this unexpected but of the survey takers so far 50-80% of men want some kind of feminization either cross dressing (such as a man dressed as a french maid) or gentle dress (such as a man wearing a lace apron) - this is unexpected beyond our wildest count. We don't know much about why yet but be assured we will study it in the future.
We suspect the range falls from a little such as wearing panties secretly; to a lot, such as fully dressed as female. A small number of women want feminized traits in their men at about 20% - this we expected. Because full feminization has very low total percentage scores from women that could be an advantage for some women looking for FLR mates who are tolerant of cross dressing. For men it is a limiting factor because they are reducing the search pool to 1 in 5 women. This trend points to the fetishes practiced inside FLR but supplies some women with new tools. Women who allow or encourage cross dressing have a 80% higher chance of finding an FLR based on tolerance. Cross dressing seems rather benign compared with other BDSM practices.
+/- 5% of males tend to cheat at this subject posing as female then voting because they want to change the narrative to make it seem more popular or normal. The tragedy is no reason exists to compelled males to cheat as FLR is a designer relationship and 4 in 5 women who are smart may change their mind on the subject to get a good catch. Women are smart guys, get used to it. Cheating is like lying, it makes one less trustworthy.
Early Days of the Photo Survey
The trends are starting to take shape for our survey "what is FLR for you?" It is very unlikely that the following trends we have captured will change dramatically in the future. At a solid 95-100%, women want men to do housework and listen attentively while they talk. Men also to a slightly lesser extent agree. Many previous professional surveys indicate that women do substantially more unpaid work than men; meaning housework falls along gender roles where traditionally women worked in the home. This is changing slightly as we advance into the future but only marginally.
In female led relationships both men and women believe; men should do the lion`s share of the housework or at least as much as is needed to free the women to advance the couples goals. There is no sign of fetish here either; no men dressed up as maids or butlers; no naked men doing work in chains; just good old fashioned dressed men serving their mate by doing more. For this to become a smooth reality women need to start teaching men how to do housework to their standards. A potential rift to harmony will be the stress of men not performing in a way where women feel they can move on to other tasks. Women must feel that men are capable and interested in meeting their standards to let go, then move on to weightier matters. We suggest making a calendar of events - what chores need to get done on what days/how often. Go as far as a presentation of what cleaning supplied get what job done and by all means teach men about delicate fabrics before they do the laundry. Men seem to respond well to learning from women so this is your opportunity to both teach and lead.
Another potential rift will be lazy or unmotivated men. That is a different story which should be a signal to any women that FLR may not work for them as a couple. One solid way to counter laziness is motivation; you can offer rewards. It is human nature to respond to rewards. It puts you in a solid leadership role to be the rewarder. If you have a life agreement together things will go smoother Click here for help with life agreements. Not planning is the same as planning to fail.
Here is an article on guided motivation - motivating others is the same as encouragement which is something we do everyday in many ways; so make it work for your relationship as part of your leadership.
New Discussion Topics
We added several new discussion topics that we have skirted around (pun intended) since our founding as overly controversial for our kind of site. In reality these are just ideas that like all ideas, need discussion. Gynarchy by definition means "rule by women or a woman" which we find close to the definition for female led relationships. Perhaps FLR is a kind of gynarchy. Female superiority is being talked up, are females superior and if they are, why? Finally as kind-of an advice like forum we added "Turn-offs" to allow men and women to honestly learn from each other what works and what does not.
Photo Survey - What FLR looks like to you!
We developed a new way for expressing what you think FLR should look like for you, perhaps your ideal FLR (as defined by the 48 images provided). What we don't want are differential answers from submissive/passive men "well if she wants it that is FLR." We are looking for what you want in the limits of good taste remembering we are not a fetish site. You will be able to see how you compare to the greater norm and discern how far you are from what other men and women have chosen. The images you choose as "Yes" are pinned to your profile to help you express what you are looking for from a partner(s) - only shown to logged in members. See Photo Survey
UPDATE: If you have not taken the photo survey we encourage you to do so. This attempt to help our members and visitors define what FLR looks like to them make everyone more informed and helps define and discuss a complicated and often emotionaly driven idea with pictures. We have heard that some women are offended by the photos and this is to be expected as FLR is not for everyone. Sustainable FLR is a customizable relationship with a written agreement at its central guiding document. The photo survey shows FLR from level 1 through 4 in a responsible way as it has been described to us from the details of our text surveys.
One thing we know is some men take the survey as women to change the narrative and some men take the survey differentially. This will shake-out in time as there are few cheating and misguided men so in the end the survey will be accurate for people interested in FLR to +/- 5% for the controversial elements and the top answers will be spot on.
New Skins for 2018
Email for sign-up, friendship, messages and password recovery are back on line given you login with a valid email address you should be receiving messages
After a rough day we cut over to a new server and a new look feel. There were glitches (okay lots of glitches) that have been addressed and there are a couple more to fix. The volunteers will be addressing the email system and launching several new features before doing a general site wide clean-up. Thank you to all the volunteers who labored to make aboutFLR.com better.
Training men and women in female led relationships and wife led marriages
We combined both our training guides into one and added the 5 food groups to make a really good resource for women to use to train men as supportive mates. Men need the help to get over their current socialization. Women need the help to understand men and themselves to create a sustainable FLR. The guides are appropriate for any level FLR despite the titles, you just ratchet down the activities to your level of comfort and your goals.
The basis for guide one is using "score cards" and "goal setting." By using this guide women train themselves and bring their men along. The guide addresses issues of leadership, rewards, punishment, stopping masturbation, and growing good habits. The second guide embraces the use of male chastity to get him in control and help him learn self-control while he learns to become a more selfless supportive mate. Male chastity is a powerful tool which presents some opportunities you can't get any other way.
The 5 food groups help anyone discover their "must haves" and sort out the direction for their lives. We encourage men, women and couples to read the combined guides and report progress and problems in the appropriate forums so others can learn form you. Let's take a community approach toward sustainable woman led relationships. [get the guide]
Visualize FLR - Get Started Today
Want To Start An FLR AboutFlr.com has a new article to help you visualize and conceptualize how to start a female led, wife led or girlfriend led relationship. We field the question "how do I get started?" weekly .from women who are new to the idea and from frustrated men who want their relationship to become an FLR. What does it take to get started? Start with a self-assessment, follow with a conversation; then make a plan; then visualize FLR as you want it to be and you may get your wish.
FLR should be a positive relationship lifestyle that benefits both mates. So much is made of FLR because porn and femdom have hijacked the term to mean something unattainable to anyone. The reality is beautiful and attainable for any couple determined to move past FLR dark into FLR wonderful.
Excerpt: ....The motivation for the man is some kind of need -- something he needs her help controlling, He needs something from her and your relationship he is not getting. It wraps itself in kink and desire but it is actually very simple, he needs some else to help him change because he is not content within himself. Behavior modification is a good tool but it requires willful participation from both of you. My advice is don`t give in to the dark side. Degradation and humiliation cannot be undone without great pains and it is the opposite of relationship building and often damages the woman more than the man. So keep it real, and positive, punishment is a useful tool when applied appropriately but degradation and humiliation never work in positive relationships....
50,000+ Connections Celebrated
Our members are communicating: AboutFlr.com just passed 50,000+ correspondence between women and men. These are real people looking for female led, wife led and girl friend led relationships -- possibly even wife led marriage; couples wanting to connect and women wanting to meeting other women to share ideas. A great start for all. Connections often start here at AboutFlr.com, then go offsite through email and chat. AboutFlr.com is the starting point for female led relationship connections between real people.
Our members are good catches: We have doctors, attorneys, engineers, business owners, nurses and many other kinds of professionals all acting in anonymity until they decide to reveal themselves. The real people are connecting in real life too, meeting in person and telling us about it. Our green light helps people identify who is real and who is pretend.
Our members are active: Women and men alike can celebrate that we have kicked off over 100,000 fakes and pretenders. We often purge the member database of men who don't do anything useful, more than 80,000 lazy unmotivated men have been purged from our database. This leave you best chance of finding people who really want FLR and are willing to prove it by earning points and getting a green light.
Look for the green light, look for a high point score: challenge anyone who does not have a green light to prove they are real or they are probably just wasting your time. Women can communicate freely but women who have a green light and a full profile offer better leadership and some assurance of trust. Red light means "stop and ask for verification"
Want Real or Fake?
We have several features that help you decide how real someone is. A red light is a warning that the member has not verified themselves. Verification is done through Amazon.com and we never keep that information online, it is not in our database anywhere. We keep the license number to help you know for sure. You remain anonymous.
We also detect scams with software. If it looks too good to be true is likely is. Most scams want you to go to another place, most often a Yahoo! email address. A great many scams come from central Africa and the former east block countries. We locate these as quickly as we can. We have detected and deleted hundreds of scams, frauds and pretenders and deleted them from the system. Please help by reporting scams, fraud and pretenders to the contact page on the footer of the site.
Get your address verified as a member, then keep it here until you are sure, then most of all - enjoy yourselves with other real people.
Alpha women rule the roost and men don't seem to mind
Pew Research conducted a survey of about 1,700 homes to see how decision making dynamics work. The poll found that in 43% of home women exerted more decision making power than men and that men don't seem to object to that. The dynamic is the tip of the iceberg of a social shift to modern women ruling their home lives. This poll did not take into account most of the relationship dynamics such as sex, grooming, and the laws of attraction etc.. It concentrated on common decisions couples routinely make. The poll also did not take into account if the couple has agreed upon a decision making model or if women just assumed it authority. While there are a number of unanswered questions; the take way is that women are feeling their oats more and making moves to lead in some areas of interpersonal relationships, a sign of confidence. [read the poll]
Alpha Female Characteristics
There is a growing number of women enjoying the alpha life and men seem to be adapting to a beta role. In the book "Winning At Love" by author 'Pat Webster,' he writes: "Until the last decade or two, if you possessed alpha female characteristics you might have tried to hide them. Those characteristics include competitiveness, aggressiveness when necessary, self-directedness, persistence, tenacity, determination and a strong sense of mission. A woman with these characteristics can also have charisma, which she can use to charm others into getting her way and accomplishing her goals.."
"In the past, growing girls and women were taught to submerge these characteristics. Sometimes they were shamed or punished or even physically harmed when they used them. Today, those characteristics are applauded and rewarded, especially in the world of business and profession. Today you can be proud of them."
Relationship Dynamics, Why Couples Fight!
It is common knowledge that stress and conflict in relationships most often come around the areas we call the 5 Food Groups. Couples who understand the food groups are learning to enjoy a relationship free to conflict. Discussing the food groups streamlines a relationships and helps couples discover harmony again. Women have a very high interest in level 1 FLR in controlling the Sex food group alone. While 2-4 take on control and management of more. Couples are doomed to repeat the same mistakes all couple have fallen to without this critical knowledge. We encourage you to dig in to the 5 Food Groups, people around the world are enjoying the benefits.
Female Dominant Couples? what is that?
Don't put to much into the usage of the word 'Dominant', it merely describes a relationship where the woman has greater responsibility and authority as a leader for the couple. People constantly say "a male dominated world" and no one thinks of men in leather corsets with whips. It is a double standard, and a dirty trick to have such double standards especially when they represent a system of control over all our lives beckoning us follow a traditional pattern of living.
Find other FLR couples to socialize
There are couples into FLR who want to socialize with you in their local area. There are links to good web sites. We have opened classifieds so couples and singles can reach out to others and people can promote FLR products and services. The ads are free but require approval. Click the "Classifieds" tab above to see them, and/or add your own.
Move the needle for FLR in your life
Move the needle for yourself and all men by attending new FLR courses. Look forward to 6 new MAG courses designed to help men and women find fulfillment in FLR. MAG (Men's Accountability Groups) are designed to help you grow and change your thinking. A wise man once sang, "Free Your Mind... and Your Ass Will Follow" --Funkadelic. If men hold onto their old ideas they will continue to be frustrated. Coming Soon!
- Enrollment Open Now! - Negotiation in Relationships - The 5 Food Groups for Men
- Enrollment Open Now! - Introducing your Wife or Mate to FLR class
- Sex, Control, and Chastity Accountability Group
- What women want and don't want in FLR Accountability Group
- Becoming the follower and supporter She Always Wanted Accountability Group
- Becoming A Better Homemaker - Accountability Group
Programming notes: men will automatically be granted open communication when they reach 60 points. Men with scores above 300 will automatically become mentors to other men. All course handbooks (PDF) will be $20.
Two very telling articles for women and men
We just published two new articles which are hard hitting reality laden gems. We encourage everyone to look them over. They cover the preferences and experiences of real people interested and participating in FLR.
FLR need not be totalitarian
Many men are obsessed with female led relationships "going all the way". Men in particular seem to take FLR all to seriously. Here are several comments that may lighten the load for you.
--A man emailed me to confess that he has over loaded his relationship with his obsession. He said "what was I thinking?" "That kind of pushy obsessive behavior does not work very well" and I added "often sabotages a couples chance for a happy relationship."
--A women asked me if she could "rule him only in the bedroom?" "Of course you can" I said. Look people, relationships can be designed any way you can agree on together. Don't get so obsessed with "going all the way" that you miss the joys of each of the 5 food groups. And don`t forget to experiment along the way to see if you like it before "going all the way." Life needs more fun and less pressure.
FLR takes two actively participating partners
Big duh? We don't think so.... The topic of women struggling with FLR when their men are not following the program is common. We have dozens of examples of men sabotaging their own enjoyment of FLR which kills their woman's confidence. This is why we have been promoters of goal setting, agreements, practice and training; and why we remain supportive of couples getting outside help and following programs. Goal setting, agreements, practice and training have serious benefits to leaders and supporters. All to often we hear of couples suffering needlessly because they don't know where they are going. All of us know about financial plans, planning your vacation, education plans, and tax plans but most overlook the importance of relationship plans. Going the extra yard will be revealing. You will see clearly how far you have to go to make your relationship goals work by writing them down and comparing notes.
There is blame enough to go around, but that is not how relationships thrive, they thrive by encouraging each member and working together. Find the problems and fix them. Blame kills relationships by destroying the confidence and openness of the members. Encouragement no matter how feeble, moves the ball forward and keeps the communication lines open. The leadership during the set-up phase of a beautiful FLR comes from both partners; Then over time the man surrenders control while the women takes more control. She grows in confidence because of the encouragement of her man. Women who are not enjoying the benefits of their leadership and FLR clearly need to step-up and create a plan of action.