Home Forums Female Led Relationships Who Wears the Pants in a Relationship Matters… Especially if You’re a Woman? Reply To: Who Wears the Pants in a Relationship Matters… Especially if You’re a Woman?


It’s an interesting survey (NOT CLOSE to being scientific), but I don’t think the discussion or conclusion gets close to the real issue: men tend to have intrinsic sources of confidence and power (often to the annoyance of women, also often resting on an ego that is more brittle than he wants to believe), and women tend to have more extrinsic sources. (Disclaimer: these are generalities and NOT intended to be “true of everyone” statements.)

Women are far more attentive to social cues and are more influenced by what they think others think of them than men are. (There are whole genres of humor built on this fact.) If a woman is subordinate in a relationship, she wants a pretty constant stream of supportive feedback from her partner but is not very likely to get as much as she would like. If a man is subordinate, he’s more likely to “be fine” unless he gets negative feedback. I find this to be a simpler and more satisfying conclusion than what the article speculates.

Society is far more approving of male leadership in a relationship than female, thus sites like this where the lovely outcast few can gather and discuss. I’ll speculate that the women who choose to lead are less likely to be as buffeted by what others think as those who choose not to. It takes attention AND intention to create a successful FLR (particularly levels 3+) in a society that assumes male leadership. How can fighting together against norms NOT create a stronger and more confident partnership?