Please don’t take take this the wrong way but I would say your post is a bit pessimistic and contradictory. You do not expect to find love here, yet here you are. You want a vanilla relationship with a little touch of FLR to fulfil your fantasies. You said you would obey and be submissive yet you would ignore her if she attempts to push your limits to fulfil her own fantasies, that doesn’t seem like submission to me.
Any dominant woman would have fantasies that may or may not go down well with you all of the time and that’s where true loyalty and submission is proven.
I think you are right as you may still have a long way to go in finding the right person in this community because most real dominant women may not take you seriously with all of your conditions attached when there are lots of submissive men available and seriously searching.
Since you so crave for mutual respect and once in a while FLR fantasy, what I would recommend for you is to get yourself a normal relationship with a strong feminist woman who believes in gender equality, tell her about your fantasy and teach her to whip you on leather pants and I’m sure you would be fine.