- September 21, 2021 at 7:35 pm #18791BillParticipant
I grew up in secluded circumstances with an extremely withdrawn father and a mother who more or less went along with him. I learned that friendships wouldn’t be possible and dove into books instead. When it came time to normally leave home to make a life for myself, I had nowhere to go and knew better than to try running away. Christians helped me to leave home, putting me up for free for nine months until I could get a job and live on my own.
Before leaving home, I had given up on the socialization process as no longer relevant, and in fact saw the damage it had done to make me clinically insane. When Christians helped me to leave home,they tried to get me to socialize–to mingle in group settings. I was repulsed by the arbitrariness and artificiality of it. I reacted to their talk around me as being akin to white noise. I only saw years later that that was because they were talking in the context of social collectives, and I have established for myself that there is a clear dividing line between those who favor group protection (the majority) and those who favor self-protection (the decided minority). I have come to believe that many diagnosed as high-functioning autistic people (such as Asperger’s Syndrome) behave and think a lot like me, and I wouldn’t really blame them for not coming to terms with their simply favoring self-protection over group-protection.
But where the rubber meets the road, there seem to be nearly insurmountable difficulties in both the relationship arena and work arena. I had behind-the-scenes jobs all my life in Oregon, probably because employers understood that I had difficulties assimilating with others. That arrangement only changed five years ago when I was exposed to jobs that involved more than just work. I have no use for such jobs, because work is the highest priority and foundation of all else, to my way of thinking.
But what about relationships? If I have trouble with work, dating is all but impossible, in my belief now, for the simple reason that it requires socializing in a collective context, which is foreign to me. On top of that, between work and relationships, I’m thrust into a twilight zone with a much higher degree of vulnerability than I would think characterizes men, at least, in a social/societal context. So I gravitate very much to women who are strong, responsible and have a sense of authority. I dont know what else to do but seek women like that out.
ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO CAN UNDERSTAND ME AND WANT TO LEAD IN A RELATIONSHIP?
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