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Hello everyone,
I regularly receive messages from mature submissive men (often aged 65–78) who are looking for a serious FLR and offer to relocate to me from another state. Many of them write very nicely: full service, surrender of control, “I will greet you with a glass of champagne after work”, “my pleasure is serving you”, etc.
I try to be polite and always ask a direct question:
“Will you be able to fully support yourself? Florida is not a cheap state, and I am not ready to financially support another person.”
And this is where things often get interesting.
Many of these men are currently living with relatives, renting a room/bed, or, judging by the situation, are in very difficult financial conditions. Yet they sincerely believe that moving in with a dominant woman is a great idea — she will provide housing, and he will wash her panties and greet her with champagne after work.
Dear men, let’s speak openly and like adults.
If you want to move in with a woman and live under her control, the most reasonable thing is to be honest about your real financial situation from the very beginning. Don’t make the woman pull information out of you piece by piece. Saying “I will not be a financial burden to you” is a sign of respect and maturity.
This is especially important for men 70+ (senior seniors). The average Social Security for a 75-year-old man is about $2,080 per month. Realistic monthly expenses for a single elderly person in Florida (housing + healthcare + food + transportation) easily reach $3,000 – $3,800.
When a woman honestly tells you that she is not ready to support you, cover the difference in expenses, and potentially take care of you in a few years — this is not “being mercenary”. This is a normal adult position. Especially if she herself maintains several properties and is already over 60.
Getting offended and writing “it’s all about the money” after such a conversation is simply avoiding reality.
If your pension and savings do not allow you to live independently in the state you want to move to, then perhaps you should first consider realistic options (senior housing, assisted living facilities, Medicaid programs, etc.), instead of looking for a woman who will take on the role of free caregiver and sponsor.
I’m writing this not to offend anyone, but to reduce disappointment on both sides.
Dear men, please be honest from the start. This will greatly increase your chances of finding real compatibility. -
Mistress VIP, I really liked what you wrote. Men in FLR should be focused on making life better for the Lady and the financial aspects of that is a very important component.
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Thank you so much, Oregon gentleman! ❤️
I’m really glad you liked my post and left a comment. I truly appreciate your opinion.
While reading your profile, I noticed that you have a very realistic and mature view on relationships in general and on FLR in particular. You correctly emphasize that financial aspects are definitely an important and not insignificant part of it, although, of course, they are not the only aspect in such relationships. A man in FLR should indeed be focused on making his Lady’s life better in every sense.
It seems to me that this kind of honest and pragmatic approach gives you very good prospects of finding a suitable partner. When a person realistically assesses reality and is ready to take responsibility-it immediately sets him apart from others.
Thank you again for your support and for sharing your thoughts!
With respect,
Mistress VIP -
Mistress VIP,
Thank you for your kind words. Like you said, there are many aspects to a good relationship, FLR or otherwise. And financial is one of those important aspects. In my one and only FLR up to now, we developed a good trusting relationship and I gave her full access to view all my financial information including seeing what I spent in real time. She helped developed good spending habits (and spending rules) in me, as a single man for many years prior I did not have good spending habits. The lessons she taught me I still carry on today.
Of course, a word of advice men, take time to get to know someone and build trust in the relationship before giving up financial control. But if you can get to that point and you have a wonderful intelligent Dominant Lady leading you, she can make tremendous changes in you for the better, financial and otherwise.
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Thank you for sharing your experience, Oregon gentleman. I really appreciate your openness.
Just to clarify my own position: I’m not looking for financial domination or real-time tracking of someone’s spending. That’s not my style at all.
My post was triggered by messages I regularly receive from men aged 70–78+ who live in other states and want to relocate to Florida but straight to my house. They often offer “my pension (1500$) will be yours” or promise full service ( a sissy maid and oral sex to boot), but when I ask about their actual financial situation, it turns out their monthly income is around $1,500.
The reality is simple: basic living expenses for a single elderly person in Florida (rent/housing, healthcare, food, etc.) easily exceed that amount. It doesn’t matter whose account the money goes into — this sum is simply not enough for comfortable and safe living at that age.
I’m not looking for a “rich sugar daddy,” but I also have no desire to take on the role of caregiver and financial supporter for a much older man for the next 10–15 years of his life. When I honestly point this out, some men immediately react with “it’s all about the money,” which is disappointing and unfair. No, actually, it’s also about your vanilla side of life that you haven’t described, and about your photo that you haven’t sent, and about your height and weight, which aren’t listed in your profile. But when you don’t describe all of that and only write your age and offer your pension, then I respond to what’s reflected in your request.
I believe in mutual respect and realism in any relationship — FLR or vanilla. That’s why I wrote the post.
Thank you again for your thoughtful comment! -
Mistress VIP,
Many submissive men are attracted to smart, confident, self reliant and successful women, however success is defined by either party.
The real world power she projects and her status in the vanilla working and economic world, are part of the attraction. She’s strong and capable. She is independent and competent. Those things are indeed attractive, of course, and very much so.
However, I do believe that for some men, the notion that there is also a meal ticket there, as well as the relationship of their dreams and fantasies, is part of a picture they paint in their heads. That is also part of the fantasy for some. Of course, that notion is indeed more fantasy than reality. It is not a likely real life scenario.It seems some men have a faulty assumption that this self supporting woman who has her life so well in order is able and willing to shoulder the lioness’s share of the financial burden in their potential partnership. Not realistic: why would she choose to embark on that path with a man she doesn’t yet even know very well.
Some of us however, while admiring the accomplishments and confidence of such women, excited by strong women yes, and very attracted to that competence and confidence–some of us are also well aware that real world responsiblities, adult self reliance and self care are necessary for us too, always, and regardless of what kind of relationship we seek. By some of us I probably should just say I, me.
I understand that being a burden on a partner, financial or otherwise, is NOT an attractive option for a woman, whether she is dominant or not, regardless of how strong she appears or by how turned on I am by that strength.
Being a servant mate to an independednt woman is an interesting fantasy, but not a realistic notion of how things are going to play out, especially in the begnnining or dating stages of any potential relationship.Somewhere here or another site I saw a woman’s ad searching for a trainable lion on her leash and not a helpless puppy.
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Thank you for this detailed and very mature comment. I completely agree with you.
You hit the nail on the head regarding the difference between fantasy and reality. Yes, a successful, self-sufficient woman can be attractive—partly due to her strength and status. But that does not mean she is ready or obligated to support someone financially, especially in the early stages of an acquaintance.
And you know what makes this situation particularly absurd? When such “offers” come from a man of advanced retirement age, often decades older than the woman he is addressing. All while he claims the role of a “toyboy”. I’m sorry, but what “boy” is there at 70+? What “toy” are we talking about when the reality involves potential health issues, limited mobility, and a very modest pension? This isn’t “service”—it’s an attempt to find a caregiver, a roof over one’s head, and a wallet, all under the guise of a fetish.
Your point about a grown man being responsible for himself first and foremost is especially valuable. “Not being a financial burden” is truly the baseline; it’s a sign of maturity and respect. Attempting to shift one’s housing and domestic problems onto a dominant partner under the pretext of service is, unfortunately, not FLR (Female Led Relationship)—it’s just a search for free housing and nursing care.
Thank you for speaking honestly about this. Men like you, who have a realistic outlook on things, are harder to find, but it is exactly with men like you that truly healthy and harmonious relationships are possible.
With respect and appreciation for your position.
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Hi Mistress VIP, Interesting post, never really though about these subjects. Interesting in a good way.
Totally agree with you. Not sure how any man can look for a partner submissive or not and he doesn’t have his own life together first. I always assumed most guys have at least two streams of income when they retire. Apparently many don’t. Finance’s is just as important as everything else.
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Thank you for your thoughtful reply, glad the post resonated with you.
I completely agree: before seeking any kind of partner, whether you submissive or not, a man really should have his own life in order first, including finances. It surprised me too how many don’t.
Now, on a slightly different note – and I hope you don’t mind me adding this – I’ve also noticed something a bit sad. Some older men, who have lived full lives and should have gained wisdom along the way, seem to see relocating to a woman as a way to fix their own difficult economic situation. I truly sympathize that they might be struggling on a small pension, and I’m not judging their hardship.
But I gently feel they need to understand that no woman is likely to offer them a place in her home and support them financially, just in exchange for “service.” Some even write in their messages: “I have already worked as a submissive and have experience serving.” That sounds less like seeking a genuine connection and more like applying for a butler’s position – or looking for security disguised as submission.
We all want to feel needed, but a healthy dynamic should be built on mutual desire, respect, and stability – not on one person’s economic rescue mission. Just my honest two cents, said with kindness. -
I think most people men and women do gain wisdom and patience over time. Now maturity could be a different matter.
If I ever find someone I would prefer to relocate to her for a couple reasons. One, I would think the lady would feel vulnerable moving to an unknown place with a unknown person. Two, A)It wouldn’t disrupt my life much to up and move. I’m retired Military and have been moving every 3-4 years my whole life. B) If things didn’t work out it would be real easy for me to up and leave leaving her to the life she is used to living without any disruptions. I could easy rent out my house and keep it as a rental. I know the rental business real good so that wouldn’t bother me.
Relocating to her doesn’t necessarily mean moving in with her, it could or it could mean getting a place close to her so we can date and see where it goes. If guys just want to move in with you or have you move to them that could be a red flag.
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Jimmy, I think you might be overthinking it a bit. If I were you, I wouldn’t build assumptions in advance—I would leave the decision to the woman herself. It’s not a given at all that she would want a partner to merge into her life or her home. People have very different circumstances and preferences.
Have you also considered that you might choose a woman who doesn’t own her home? What if she lives with her adult children, or even still shares a place with a former partner? Or maybe she rents a small apartment—or just a room with a roommate?
How would you approach the situation in those cases? Would your plan still be the same? -
Mistress VIP, I’ve been told I over think things. I’m not concern with her housing situation. Down the road, if we click and we both want to move to the next level we can talk about that. The next level could mean many things, not just moving in together. It could mean living close to each other for a while and date in person. As far as if my plan would be the same. At some point we would need to talk or date in person, not just over the phone.
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hello Mistress VIP
i am 68 yo, and after all this time, just starting my (what i hope to be) my FLR Journey.
i think from about the age of 18 i have had these feeling, but since to the outside world i am alpha, i never had the courage to explore my feelings. now that i live alone and am financial secure, i am looking to start.
So all your information if very helpful. I do read a lot and have studied my aspects of FLR.all the discussion about living with a lady under FLR sounds so exciting, especially since i do pass so of the concerns you write about.
my big issue is how to find someone?
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You asked how to find someone. Let me be very specific based on what has worked for others in your situation:
1.Be ruthlessly concrete in your profile
Don’t write generalities like “I’m looking for a strong woman.” Instead, state clearly what you offer – both financially and psychologically. For example:
“I am financially secure and can offer a stable, comfortable lifestyle without the expectation of shared living expenses.”
“Emotionally, I am ready to follow your lead, support your decisions, and prioritize your needs. I am not looking for a traditional partnership but a structured FLR where I serve.”
Reason: At 68, a potential partner will not assume you’ll “build a life together” from scratch – she will want to know what you bring to the table now. Be honest about your age and what phase of life you’re in.
2. Search locally – within days, not weeks
Focus on meeting someone you can see in person within a few days to a week of first contact. Long online “getting to know you” phases often lead nowhere, especially for older people who already know what they want. Use platforms that allow local search (e.g., FetLife local groups, dating apps with proximity filters, or even local kink munches). State clearly that you prefer an initial coffee meeting within a few days.
3. Do NOT send detailed fantasies
Never send a stranger a list of how you want to pleasure or obey her – that’s overwhelming and signals poor boundaries. Instead, say something like: “I have a lot of ideas and desires, but I believe those are best discussed in person after we’ve established basic trust and chemistry.” Save the specific forms of service for face-to-face conversations.
4. Where to look
Local FLR or D/s discussion groups (even non-sexual ones) – many meet for coffee or walks.
Age-appropriate communities – women in their 50s–70s who are also financially independent may appreciate your directness.
5. What to say on a first meet
I suggest: “I’m looking for a woman who is comfortable making most decisions in a relationship – from daily routines to bigger life choices. I’m secure and self-sufficient, so this isn’t about neediness. It’s about finding joy in devotion. I’d love to hear what you want out of a relationship first.”
You’ve studied FLR – now use that knowledge to filter carefully. Guard your time and heart. There are women who will value exactly what you offer. Just stay patient, local, and specific.
Wishing you the best on this journey.
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