You could pull out your hair trying to understand all the motivational models science has created. If you will allow me to summarize, I think I can help. People have needs and they organize their needs by priority, lower needs at on the bottom and higher needs on top. Each of us has a style of motivation we adopt. We use our motivation style to experience the world around us, to adapt to the world and acquire our needs. The highest need for anyone is transcendence (helping others to be fulfilled) and truth is almost no one gets there. We can only seek our higher needs when the base needs are met.
Here is an example:
We need food and shelter long before we need creativity. When we have food and shelter in such abundance it allows us free time to pursue our greater needs. Then we can choose to fulfill creativity. In your man's case he has said he has a need to experience female led relationships. That need could also be described by saying he desires control, intimacy, connection and vulnerability. Connection and intimacy are in the middle somewhere of the pyramid with the needs of belonging and love. Control and vulnerability are safety needs lower in the stack second from the bottom. So your man cannot get past where he is to become connected and intimate until he fulfills his control and vulnerability needs (safety needs).
Classic motivational styles include:
Goal-oriented (needs a reward or negative constant) - Goal oriented men need external rewards and the vast majority of men are goal oriented. Rewards like getting to do something exciting can be described as a negative constant while the reinforcement comes from the consistency not from achieving a goal. He already had the goal and now he wants to keep it.
Activity-oriented (enjoys the process) - Activity driven men enjoy the process. They want to experience things that create movement and success for all.
Learning-oriented (on a journey) - Learners are on a life journey to understand and experience; they are often inquisitive and don't believe what others accept as fact.
Other Types (Sensory types) - Some men are visual learners such as reading and watching while others are auditory meaning they learn by listening. Some by active participation called kinetic learners, which typically means they must repeat what they have experienced in order to learn best. I don't believe anyone is a purist at any style or sensory types. We are all some combination and lean heavily in one direction.
Consider how your man learns and incorporate that into your FLR.Your man for example is a visual learner who is goal oriented. We know this because he is seeking what female led relationship can give him, plus has gone online and indulged his eyes. Now his goal is to move both of you closer to a FLR. Because he is visual his fantasy is visual too. Satisfying it will need to be visual.
Motivation can also be described by what influences/inspires an individual. These are also called triggers and represent what he is into. For what it's worth, you can take tests online to help figure out motivations. Here is one that has 15 Motivation Categories shown below. The criteria varies with what the test is attempting to prove so go in with open eyes and curiosity, but don't put too much stake in it.
To apply this knowledge to your man, he has as his highest trigger, stability and as his lowest, self-improvement. We know he is a creature of habit, wants rules, structure and does not make much of improving himself. Since he wants you to lead him, we can assume he will make the best follower by providing him structure, rules, and traditions and by forcing him to make improvements.
Once you learn his styles, types, and triggers, try and understand how he has stacked his needs. Answer his most important current need (For me it is companionship and connection; without that I spend all my time seeking it out.) As a female leader, negotiate as many of the food groups as you can because ultimately you will be in a better position to help him and yourself. We recommend you attempt full control, even if you later back-off or delegate responsibility. You will be in the best position to motivate your mate and pursue your agenda while growing a loving, vital relationship.
Last Edit: 07-Dec-2011, edited by Multifaceted Moi
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|What is his highest need from your relationship?|
Women believe female led relationship solves needs that their men have.
|Women were asked|
|Do you know your man's motivation style?|
Women are aware of the motivation styles of their men which will help them lead, teach and mentor.
|Women were asked|
|Do you know your man's learning style?|
Knowing your mans learning stily will help you in communication, motivation and in solving issues he is having.
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