You made an agreement, completed your trial runs – now what?
What comes now is to move from your current relationship to a female led one. That means you as his woman will take control, begin to manage and assert leadership. Just like taking over as a manager at work, you need to do the same things.
Create a memorable moment where he formally asks for and affirms your leadership
I call this the ‘surrender ceremony’. You need a moment where he formally recognizes you as his leader to mark the change in your relationship, like your wedding. His desire to surrender is real and your desire to lead is real, now recognize it formally. Exchange vows and have him symbolically surrender to you. You might symbolically take control from him. We suggest you design the ceremony and include other people if you want. If you have made relationships with others who are helping, you might include them. If you have agreed to have him to publicly acknowledge his FLR, then include your children so they know too. There is a tendency among men to think of this as a great moment for some really kinky things. You may enjoy that too as you wish.
Define the probationary period
During this time you will be committed to some extra work. You will be taking the reigns as leader and he will be surrendering control to you. Call it a probationary period where he and female-led-relationships are on probation. Perhaps 90 days is long enough for you both to settle into your new roles. During that time you both will need extra diligence to uphold the reasons you are doing this in the first place. Keeping motivation high is both of your responsibilities but especially his because he was likely the one who asked for it in the first place. Habits take time to form and lists/schedules help develop habits. You may want him to read the agreement you both made periodically or even to memorize it like a constitution. After all, you cannot protect and serve something you don’t remember. Keep your expectation for his change and change to your relationship, reasonable. You both may have a lot to learn. He certainly does have a lot to learn to meet your expectations and standards.
Training and feedback
Don’t overlook the importance of training during the period and giving feedback to him as well as from him. Make adjustments, fine tune, take a course correction. If he has asked for control, keep that part of what he wants high by his participating in his fantasy as a regular part of his day. You will both learn quickly that fantasies are just that, a fantasy. The more he participates in it the faster he will learn. Yet, there are parts of his fantasy that are good and will last.
Things you will need to accomplish
Before you start
- As your first act of leadership get full disclosure from him
- Create your relationship strategy together
- Create your relationship agreement
- Test the waters with trial runs
- Make whatever adjustments you feel necessary
- Get control of the finances if that is your charge
- Reduce his control of finances – start making him dependent on you for money
- Establish several simple rules he must follow no matter where he is
- Start your habit of keeping him motivated
- Get all the documentation you need to get control of the food groups you have charge of
- If you are controlling his free time have him keep a journal of what he does with it
- Set the tone for your level of authority and leadership style
- Finish writing your agenda – those things you want to do and change
- Get a budget formalized
- Hold your ceremony to mark the change
- You should have control over what he does on his computer at home and in the office
- He should have finished all the tests so you know how to motivate him
- You should have control of his credit cards
- If you have decided in level 3-4 you should have ordered him to do several things by now.
- Finish getting all the help you need
- Get is training started and in full swing
- He should have a very good memory of your agreement and prove it to you
- You should have as much control of sex as you want of you are in charge of that
- You should have a working budget formalized if you own finances
- He should be completely dependent on you for money if you own finances.
- He should be participating in the chores you have delegated and performing well
- He should be getting comfortable in your leadership
- You should have delegated all things to him he is going to do
- He should be supporting your leadership in a noticeable way
- You should be cranking down his kinky fantasy to more normalized and sustainable life habits
- Your life together should be improving measurably
- If you have agreed to public acknowledgement you should feel comfortable that others know about your agreement
- He should have finished his initial training and performed well
- You should have reviewed your relationship with him at least once and amended it
- You should both be satisfied that you have made substantial progress toward your FLR
- He should be completely dependent on you for any decisions he has surrendered
- His training will end
- If in level 3-4 you should mark this day with a celebration
- Crank his kink down to a normal sustainable level
- Begin a normalized period and enjoy your new roles
This Post Has 13 Comments
If a man tried doing these things to a woman, all you control freaks would be howling. Being female led isn’t the problem, it’s your wanting absolute control of everything. The biggest red flag 🚩 is the all powerful woman be in charge of finances and the male has to ask or beg for money. Gee, isn’t that what women hated when men did it? Absolute power corrupts absolutely. I had a wife that tried stuff like this, she’s now my ex-wife. She said if I would just do what I was told we’d do fine. So, my female counselor as a last resort recommended to divorce her. So I listened to her.
Mark such a great point given and when one thinks about, it moves the couple away from growing love and the individual when in each person. The growth of the husband is stopped since his focus in on things that can’t help him to be the person he was intended to be. Such a different approach is needed in this world of FLR.
From what I have read online it’s mostly always the husband who asks for a wife led marriage and the wife needs to be convinced. I think a FLR would work out best in a relationship or marriage where the couple has known each other for a few years. Jumping into a level 3 or level 4 FLR with someone you just met would not be wise in my opinion. There must be an established trust.
My wife does not want to control everything I do and does not want to control all my spending. She has control of most of our savings and can spend as she chooses. Her control of the savings account helps her feel more secure in our marriage and it does make me more vulnerable. I am Ok with that.
so where can i find a wife to serve?
I am looking for one too.
So many things on this website are good. But there is a lot of BS. Take this statement for example:
He should be completely dependent on you for money if you own finances.
Why should be be completely dependent on the woman for money? That’s crazy and abusive. My FLR brought me and my wife closer together. If she told me I could only get $100 a week then I would tell her to take a hike. I run a business. My business has a cash flow. I have my own money. Like I said my controls most all our savings which is a lot. That’s enough. Why should the woman abuse the man when it comes to money?
This website says it was written by 4 females and 1 male but much of this was taken from other websites that have been up 10 years or more. There is no telling if a man or woman wrote this stuff.
I think the point of all this is that A. The man does typically want it. I know I do. B. Each couple has the power to negotiate what their individual FLR looks like. I run a business and it would be way cumbersome to have her making all the financial decisions and managing that money. So I keep that, but have a regular amount I contribute to the household budget she can depend on. I don’t live big with windfalls either. That goes to her to decide.
C. About cranking down kink…in our situation, I feel it is up to me to make sure she is satisfied, and I can wait. She knows she is in charge of my orgasms, and gets hers as often as she likes. This works for us.
I think there is a lot more good on this site that questionable material. Take for example the training. Humiliation is discouraged long term and only recommended for a short time in boot camp. I think the material presented here is designed to facilitate options in an FLR, and not to show disrespect for the male of the species.
i fully agree with your comment.
I have to say we don’t have a total FLR but we’re pretty darn close. I can look back over the years and see where I as the wife was climbing the corporate ladder and work was taking up more of my time and I was being compensated well for it. My husband’s company was downsizing and he began being home more after taking a severance package then getting p/t work. He began doing more household chores, mostly outdoor and things that husband’s generally used to do in the traditional role. I started having him do more domestic chores and teaching him the laundry etc. He went along but wasn’t all in. He was very inconsistent and I was still working a lot and picking up the slack. With more free time my husband started spending more on himself and his hobbies. I began putting a stop to that. He was put on a budget. When he had problems sticking to the budget the cards were taken and he worked with cash. (I didn’t call it such but it was an allowance. I called it his budget)
I began getting firmer with him and giving him lists to accomplish. There was a lot of changes over the course of time but not enough for me.
After a meeting where I reamed out a few subordinates and took one into my office and put him on notice I saw them all respond to me and make the needed changes quickly. SO what was wrong with my husband? Why couldn’t he tow the line at home even under my direction.
I’d tried arguing, yelling I even once got very serious and made him give up a golf game! I saw a change with that particular issue but I saw him trying to go back to his old ways and lack of change in others. I couldn’t fire him. I checked out some various sites on FLR etc. and eventually one day things came to a head.
Bottom line, ego, pride, trying to maintain traditional roles? All of the above.
Long story short, I came home after a very trying day, hubby was relaxing by the pool but the laundry and other needed daily functions had been neglected. I snapped! I brought him inside, made him take off his wet bathing suit then I literally made him lay over my business skirt clad lap and I spanked the daylights out of him! Next I read him the riot act!
I was the main breadwinner, I was running the show and he was the house husband like it or not! He was going to do his job and do it well or there would be more of what he just got, and less golf and hanging out with the boys!
I told him I was going to soak in a warm bath and told him to get it ready for me. I watched my husband do as he was told without any push back and a very pink bare bottom. I liked it. When I got in the bath I realized most of my stress was alleviated by spanking my husband! (Hmm maybe need to do that more, save on the gym lol)
I told (Not asked ) my husband to get me a glass of wine then told him to go do laundry. After my bath I called him upstairs. The spanking and feeling of power that came with it made me hot! I took my husband to bed, I climbed on top of him and went to town until “I” was satisfied!
We got up, I decided we’d order dinner in and I heard the laundry signal that the washer was done. I told my husband he’d better go do the laundry if he didn’t want to go back over my lap.
I now make lists and my hubby follows them. I run my house and my husband and have been since that day almost four years ago. My husband had a lot of help from me to succeed in this and he had a big learning curve and lots of adjustments to get used to.
With that he’s received plenty of attitude adjustments from me without any complaints from me on that subject. (I like it! and I’ve taken to it like a fish to water!)
I’d advise most women with husband issues to take charge of things including your man.
Im a naturally submissive man. My wife is generally in charge. But often ill argue and will not obey her. After i feel terrible.i wish she would take her dominant role a notch higher. She should punish me. Im not talking about kinky, im talking about painfull punishment that would help me to surrender more control to her. How can i get her to?
You don’t give many details. Have you asked your wife to punish you physically? If yes, how did she respond?
Let’s assume she said no. If you convince her to spank you (or whatever) then she probably really won’t be into it. It’s doubtful she will start liking it. I think it won’t be fulfilling for you if she just does it to please you while she doesn’t really like it.
Many married men have this problem. They marry a vanilla woman and later in life develop all these kinky fantasies or they had had the kinky fantasies before they married and didn’t share them with their fiance.
My personal belief is that submissive men far out number dominant women. Many submissive men will never find a dominant woman. Many kinky submissive men will marry vanilla women and never live out their kinky fantasies.
My opinion. Opinions vary
I see now Michael said not kinky. So my response was off base. For me, punishment is kinky.
Thanks for reply sub2wife. I’m very much not into pain , or the humiliation of spanking. It’s for this reason I believe it would be effective in deterring me from arguing or talking back to my wife. I truly want her to have complete control. Also I want to feel true submission . She is very dominant in almost all aspects of our lives. It just seams that when things are going bad , there are times I defy her. I cant seam to help it. I do believe that if there were consequences for my actions that eventually I would become completely submissive to her. And I know in my heart that she would be much happier, as would i.