The important of the 5 food groups
This site and female led relationships exist because of the influence of the 5 food groups on relationships. Because FLR is not a true role reversal, the 5 food groups allow both partners to keep their roles and gender traits and much of their socialization to start, maintain and grow a healthy relationship based on “rules”. Everyone has rules in their relationship, the understanding we come to when we couple up. The 5 food groups expose the best rules that both partners can live with and thrive under.
If you have heard it once you have a hundred times, a young women wants to change her man so she wins him, captures his interest then tries to change him only to be disappointed. Almost all problems in a relationship are summarized by the word “expectations”. Although people might fight about finances or communication issues, they would not be fighting if expectations had been set. People for the most part don’t communicate their expectations to their mates so they don’t get met. Many people feel that they should just know. As one gets older we realize there is a better way, we say what we want and hear what they want and let the chips fall where they may.
Humanity is full parts and pieces, a complex web of what we are, who others are and what we are all shaped into, where we are adaptable and where we either refuse or cannot adapt. Think of those areas that you cannot change, or wont, as your core person. For me I am a giving and inquisitive person who gets a kick out of the success of others no matter what else I choose to do I will always be that person. Conversely I have adapted remarkably in many ways in my life to the situation I either create or find myself in. My ability to adapt is the part of my life I can change without destroying who I am. Of course people can allow themselves to be destroyed especially when they don’t like who they are. All change can be painful but a willing spirit makes change an adventure.
Things that make up humanity
- Personal identity and experience
- Sexual identity and experience
- Cultural identity and experience
- Spiritual identity, or the lack there of, and experience
- Our connection to others (relationships, lovers, friends and family)
- Our connection a higher power or ideal
- Our conscience of life around us
- Our conscience of being aware
- Our ability to make choices
- The temperament we have
- How others see us
Perhaps not a comprehensive list but you can see that making changes is very difficult. Each of the elements in the list has attributes associated with them – if we take our connection to others we can add some attributes of relationships such as: decision making, life direction, time together…. Attributes are the things we most likely can change. All of us have all the things that make-up humanity and practice all the attributes that make up those things. Of course that is a long winded way of saying, humanity is complex.
You can agree that experience often changes relationships. You can agree that choices often change relationships. People sometimes get into relationships to change things like their personal identity (I married the high school team captain who was from a rich family because I wanted to take on that identity, I wanted to change my identity). After a while in life we become more “baked”, know more about who we are and what we want; so changes are harder. There are 5 elements of relationship common to us all that often cause issues for couples that we can change and often we successfully negotiate them; I call these the 5 food groups. They are the basis for all the control we share as mates. Finances and Free Time are the big two. With these two you have the bulk of control.
The 5 food groups
- Finances – Financial control has long been the domain of men, it is ultimate control of a relationship when a mate has no control they find it difficult to impossible to invoke change, take care of themselves or leave.
- Free Time – Time doing what you want comes after the decision to make time for others, time together, time apart, time for our common interests, time with friends — all take away from our free time. Free time also includes decisions we make for our time that take an effort — will he put the toilet seat down or clean up his socks; will she? It takes time to take the garbage out. His choices affect you, if you feel you must do something because he did not.
- Household Chores – if you have a maid, a gardener and a handy man then this just got easier but if not there is a lot of work to keeping a house going. There is laundry, shopping for food and sundries, taking the trash out. If you control time you likely also control chores because they can be added to a schedule and you can train someone to do it as you would. Management 101 – delegation of responsibility.
- Life Direction – A decision to move, improve one’s education, have children, take on renting borders, make or leave friendships. Of course this takes time so one can control it with free time such as spend your free time in class improving our education. There is also the personal/spiritual/cultural/sexual direction of a person’s life.
- Sex – We all want spontaneous sex but most of us have it at night in our bedrooms and it is likely something you have done before. Control of sex can mean yes or no, what and when, how, who, how much or how hard. Sex takes time too so controlling time is key to controlling sex.
Why are the 5 food groups important to FLR
Controlling attributes of a relationship is how people lead. The 3 key parts of leadership are influence, management, and control. Whether you negotiate each time, make a plan and stick to it or have more controlling process, these 5 things will be done and getting/giving up control of them and possible others is what FLR is about. In male dominated traditional Christian relations the man is the head, the women is submitted to him as she would be to Christ. Head is another word for leader, and submitted is another word for giving up control. The reverse of FLR has been part of our culture for 2,000 years.
Level 2 Female Led Relationships
The big two (finances and free time) is what you should negotiate to control in a level 2 FLR. Your negotiation will have limits and likely not make you an autonomous leader with final authority. It is too much to expect but you can exert a great deal of control with his free time, get the benefits of help around the house and have more security because you are leading finances. Level 2 is not deep enough of a commitment on your part to expect full control of the big two. As you negotiate more, you move closer to level 3.
Level 3-4 Female Led Relationships
Once again full control does not mean he does not participate or does not have a vote or even a veto, it does mean you have final approval/authority to make dead locked decisions. You of course are free to negotiate full control so your word is law even if you are amenable to his participation in decision making. You have the reigns because you control all 5 food groups. You want him to remain the aggressor in sex, done!, you want him to shave and shower before bed, done! You can stop him from internet porn, masturbation, sexual fantasies (aside from those you are using to keep him interested), any other bad habit. He can go to counseling to figure out why he has feelings of failure (supposing he does), you can send him back to school, get him to rest more, help him lose weight and on and on. You can micro manage if you have the energy or set an agenda and guide.
I don’t want to control my man or anything else
No worries, FLR is not for you. There are other things to try.