Matriarchalist

Hi, thank you for taking a look.

I am currently living as a submissive in a totally service-oriented domestic servitude relationship with a gay male, but it is not formalized or sexual. I tend to naturally be in relationships that take on a D/s appearance.

Can leave anytime and relocate. I am working on dual citizenship activation US-Canada. An intuitive introvert with a rational mind capable of extreme abstract thinking. I am open-minded yet res.
Im a 51-year-old empty-nester and introvert, a loner, and from certain angles Im a radical and possibly an extremist, which I identify with, nor do I have the zeal of either, because really I beli that I am enlightened and have become more restored to my natural human self than those who are still under the spell of patriarchal ignorance, if not even fully in that mode, fully and totally given to delusion.

I think anyone here seeking a partner if not completely driven by fantasies of kink are enlightened to some degree or another, not to call my self special, but I am unique and i believe that both my upringing which has significant matriarchal influence as well as female independence and female authority right on the surface in my family and upringing, but also as someone whose spiritual awakening and cubsequent the manifestation of an aspect of myself that seeks truth, growth/evolution and ascension along with healing and that seeks self awareness I realized that it was never in my nature or desire to be dominant or lead in the way that it seemed women desired and expected of their husbands which was hard to process (that i was in no way marriage potential), but that instead i was more sutable for a roe reversal type relationship submissive to an alpha-type dominant figure.

This all o after I had wondered how the love between my ex-partner and me wasn’t enough to keep our marriage, and I wondered earnestly what went wrong. My ex’s open confession to me about sexual fantasies she had, all of which had to do with dominance and her submission, things I didn’t naturally have in me. It took me days of feeling in for not feeling able to live that role for her and thus feeling like I couldn’t satisfy my partner’s sexual needs, despite the fact that she had multiple orgasms ranging in intensity daily.

@ days and i couldnt handle it and was able to tap into something that made authentic dominance p, but as an act of submission in retrospect. We got into some hardcore things without actually knowing anything about bdsm D/s, like even safe words. We had intense experiences that, after parting ways, left me feeling really fucked up, so I do have hard boundaries surrounding female submission and male domination, or anything degrading or inconsiderate to females, and consent that is updated regularly.

Im sex positive and have no problem discussing it as an object even from a personal angle, meaning clinical and without being pervy. Im fascinated with female biology and physiology and the system as well as lactation, from a POV that doesn’t involve sex at all and that does. I’ve been a birth attendant and PS to my wife for two children who were home-birthed, and free births, meaning no medical professionals involved at all and under the mother’s design. That has helped me with tuning into the female anatomy and functions in ways that allow me to remain fascinated and in reverence without my own sexual desires corrupting that, more like a Doctor or medical professional who also revered the Goddess in the females of our species (and some males as well as females identifying as either women or men. In fact, if I were in a formal relationship, my mind would become highly attuned to the organism and the health of her body and cycles, and nutritional health, to the point that, potentially even if we were apart for years, I would become overwhelmed with concern for them if they were having any kind of health emergency.

Even realizing and integrating my self-awareness as more aligned and identifying in every way to the wife/womens gender role in relation to traditional relationships, and that I feel a natural attraction to dominant females, it still took me a while to realize other things that caused me to identify as a matriarchal male as part of my identity and sexuality/sexual orientation and how I see myself in society. It was easy to realize because it also made sense of my desire to please and to feel in service, and that I seemed to revolve around my female relationships like the center of my life, and for an ideal relationship I needed a partner who was more like the male tr role, even masculine. I did not see these relationships in the wild other than my grandparents, who were total FLR fro the 1940s- 50s, and my grandma was a prope and grandpa was a masculine Scottish man wounded.

Several times in battle but chose to return e, and also a champion fighter/boxer and pro golfer with carpentry skills. He was reserved but masculine; he would knock men out who disrespected my grandma so he never seemed like he wasnt a man, making it easy for me and likely instrumental in shaping myself as a gender nonconforming matriarchal male. My sister was a producer in LA with an ento. Men did what she said, and she was always up for confronting alpha males. Women her age always looked up to her dominant personality and her going for what she wanted like a boss and yet she still never led in her rela.

I didn’t think I’ see what I needed to suit how I’d become so here is where im probably most unique:

My interest in FLR and D/s dynamic, specifically F/s, has nothing to do with sex or fantasy. For years, until I came across a dating ad mentioning Femdom, I had no idea this culture was out here. Researching Femdom led me to discovering the FLR phenomenon which meant so much to me and resonated with my core of my heart and soul. What my interest was, that is to say what my heart longed for, what my soul felt the ultimate loneliness for, and what my being cried out for, was a c counterpart who wanted a submissive male and who would lead and take authority and control. I longed and yearned, even shedding tears for my desire for FD/ms Dynamic in a formalized relationship with a relationship alpha.

Without kink, this was my simply what alienated me, and all I desired long before I associated this dynamic with kink.

And I don’t associate any of it with kink or fetishes; words are used to imply a deviation from something normal(?) thats not how I see it at all.

I now see the kink as very appropriate in many cases and ways of fortifying roles, establishing them, and also of strengthening the relationship. Discipline seems very appropriate, as does the concept of training a submissive to suit the dominant.

I’m not a maschist but I find he level of self-awareness of a sadist and being in touch with their so-called dark side in healthy ways.

My conceptualization is that total service and servitude including domestic and like an employee, like an attendant and assistant, and as an auxiliary component of the dominant, domestic or any type; service and helpfulness and surrender, and understanding the need for obedience should be core to any F/m relationship. I also have a slave’s heart, so my submission can easily take on the slave companion dynamic.

With that said, I seem to be attracted to Sadistic dominants not for sadism, but I also feel the need to suffer for service as part of the dynamic and as a way to intimate with the dominant by sharing that activity, and the way of connecting with them is attractive to me, and i see I’d find it fulfilling to serve by suffering for the D.

I could be in a commited F/m type dynamic as property yet sexless and still find total fulfillment and be in Grattitude to the Dominant for life because I long so much for acknowledgment and inclusion- to be recognized for things I was made by society to feel shame for and useless to females for wanting, so to be accepted and to agree and commit to a formalized D/s dynamic for life even without sexual gratification would bea desirable outcome of reaching out this way for me if any female Dominant happens to be on my profile.

The dynamic and servitude are most important.

I have come to realize that the patriarchy has distorted relationship ideaologies and archetypes and understand an FLR doesnt have to have a counter part who is like a spousal partner with those kinds of oaths and marital promises etc, but that being a slave companion to a naturally dominant in a formLized roles that we abide in for both of our authenticity and for both of our comfort, satisfaction, and fulfillment; I can even contribute genetics and my life to raising a child again without it being mine and in fact according to the direction of the childs mother , without becoming more than what ifeel designed for: slave companion and helper.; a dynamic can even be fully intimate and a closeness that no husband and wife can be shared and experienced through servitude and doent require it even be sual yet without inflating my ego with self importance and self urgency remaining in orbit of my female dominant and purpose for living, raising her children for her as hers obediently and if they respect me their children will aitomaticly be obedient to her as well; I aas a slave companion can even be very close and intimate with a dominant who sought a partner in another or other men, and included or not be without that changing the nature of the companion slave helper.

One thing I seek is to feel owned and to have a permanent place with an owner. I want the security of that, the stability and grounding, and that it allows me to focus with my whole being as a dominant, as my only purpose and priority, and allow me the freedom from the feeling that i may be discarded at any moment. I want to be too useful and su for that and would rather remain that slave companion and helper who was openly cucked t to feel like I’d lose my place for another male co, as the slave my dominant can have many partners over years and ours can outlast them from the position of slave companion and helper.

I have no expectations for sex, let alone for a dominant to be obligated to fulfill my sexual fantasies at all, so I try not to cultivate or fetishize fantasies that would lead me to have needs and expectations of my kinks being met- I have no such expectations, but bleieve that I should take on all the kinks of the dominant, even make them my own fantasies if they would allow me to partake with them.

So I suppose that is the FLR I seek: one of servitude and helpfulness with potential for various kinds of intimacy to whatever degree with no expectations of regularity.

As far as kink and sexual intimacy beyond servitude of the domestic, personal, buisness or however employed I am drawn to sadistic D and feel that training and discipline serve a purpose that is benificial and serves my bigger picture desires; im open t just about anything from threesomes or even closed poly Triad relationships, im open to suffering as a masochist, even intruiged, but most of my fantasy and i believe actually to be natural desire is connecting through oral sex, giving specifically meaning cinnilingus and any thing similar or associated like intruiged by queening and face sitting and prolonged oral sessions that dont involve reciprocation.

As a pleaser, reciprocation is something I never see as part of my desire to please; I’d prefer to provide oral until I was passed out than to stop and waste the waking hours on pleasing me that way. Acceptance of total servitude is the r desire. I do find more in cunnilingus than sex and have no desire for Penis in Vagina from anyone unless as part of a discipline and practice of spirituality, and only after the Kundalini and sex conquered. I wouldn’t want to remain in chastity forever, but I’m by it in that it makes it clear that the female Dominants pleasure is the only priority, and it was not in the cards for my penis. Im very drawn to pillow princess type oral and things that would be like that, in that they were agreed and formalized to be focused activities aimed at the stimulation of the Female Dominant’s erogenous zones with the goal of at least a single orgasm from that zone. There are several zones from the head/scalp to the feet and soles, as well as obvious erogenous zones in the gen. I’ve become skilled at stimulating the breast, areo and nipples of my partner to give nipple/breast orgasms. Id be interested in exploring all of the er zones of my dominant until each was mastered and familiar before ever engaging in vaginal sex, and believe the mastery of passions and ejaculation could be cultivated by doing that in chastity or not.

I have spiritual and social views deeply connected to FLR and surrender to the Female, and to have a partner who also felt that way and identified as Goddess would be very desirable, and one who accepted my devotion and commitment to them as worship and a blessing to me to have the opportunity for my path to reach the place where it would conform to them, serving them as my dominant and deity and developing a religion of and to them. I believe sexual intimacy as a practice that is centered around the female can be a major part of a spiritual path and practice, and that the F/s dynamic as a life is like becoming a monk and committing to a life as a monk and mo, but a much greater potential lies in service to an evolved female dominant. I do not believe that my path can lead to any other place besides being owned and a slave companion; it is the place and life with the most potential for spiritual growth, and for the greatest level of ascension and I see it as also fighting the establishment and leading to the new age and the golden age, even the diamond age and gynarchy.

Even if service slave with no sexual expectation will certainly lead to loving my dominant which i do not need returned in the same way. As I’ mentioned that i formost desire the dynamic and security of being owned and my services being accepted and a by my dominant of themselves divine and deserving of a life devoted to serving them. It will lead to my feeling valid and appreciated for these so-called kinks, and I know that it involves exercising the use of all of my love languages all of the time which involve service, praise, gift-giving, and affectionate touch, and the idolization and adoration of the dominant; the fortifying of them in my heart and mind due to their superiority in leadership and function will lend itself to surrender and deeper submission and will develop into being in love which I desire and not to hide or be ashamed that I fall in love with the dominant. I think it doesn’t require direct reciprocation or expression. It can be met with gratitude for the emp it will give them, the authority over me it will ensure and what they can use it for. They are free to develop their own love or even fall in love, but for me the service and focus, the desire to please, and the f are all deeply and intrinsically connected to pair bonding, and with pair bonding, I was designed to be pleasing and fulfilling to a dominant, and it involves love.

Many of the things are problematic in patriarchal settings, but I believe obsession and adoration, so long as th with surrender and with submission including a commitment to obedience, can all be good things. I think that due to not evolving in patriarchal systems, the types of relationships desired by someof us require that the matriarch/Goddess who is dominant truly accept full ownership, as in a submissive who has renounced the world, surrendered to the Female on the universal level, and who seeks to devote themselves to a single system that is all about the dominant, who will become everything to the submissive.

Someone who truly wants to own a male as theirs, to truly accept their surrender and their full submission, and who sees that dropping out of the patriarchal system to worship them as Goddess is the purpose of their life, and someone who themselves have rejected the patriarchal systems would appreciate what I have to offer as a servant and as a spiritual counterpart to exercise their own divine nature and ascend from our dynamic as also their spiritual path, and that their deification, the adoration, and worship, even prayers to them, is also their spiritual empowerment and evolution allowing them access to ascending to their highest level possible.

I would also want to have the same last name as the Dominant and would accept being renamed or named anew by them with gratitude. am willing to receive a brand, tattoo, or mark as a sign of ownership/to be marked as property of the Dominant; also welcomed with gratitude.

Im happy to move anywhere for a Dominant who was desiring to own a slave who was also a companion whose submissive ness and desire to be under the control and contained at peace that way who would excersise authority rightfully and as the nature thinking nothing of any of it, who knows their divinity and desires to cultivat it through matriarchal spirituality and Goddess mysticism. I

Im hapy to live in a shed, a tent, on a back porch, in a cage, or a basement for a Dominant and one becoming their and my deity who will make that room and accept me as their own.

Id love to have a form of service, and to enter into a dynamic with only expectations that i am to be under your authority and trained to serve you to get to know my dominant through serving them and being obedient, while also being trained to conform to them completely, and in my process of fully submitting and being trained, I am also dominated. If a dominant, Mistress, Domme, and Goddess/deity desires a slave companion, helper and spiritual devotee, worshipper, and acolytete whom they arent obligated to like a romantic partner , yet whom they can be ramntic with, have romance with, be loved and cherished, and share in intimacy even sexual intimacy or intimacy through kink and connect with through those aspects without obligation to me or to the interactions , yet when desired by the Dominant and always at their pace and controlled even paused or ended by their needs at the at monent.

And that through service and acceptence of the submission and by that authority being acted on that we get to know eachother through the D/s dynamic and our friendship which will be authentic developed in the Parameters of D/s and within the parameters of spiritual, social, and domestic agreements, in the agreement that i will belong to them and my life will be in their hands, whether i live or die will tbe theres to decide if after a trial they decided to keep me as their companion Slave and spiritual worshipper, i would like to develope a dynamic thorough that agreement and through obedience and service, training and conforming and my mind and hert tuning out the world and fully into them to serve and support all within the framework of the D/s factors knowing that when said and done they would own me mind body and soul and i will always be inferior and subserviant, unimportant except for the service the allow me to abide in. I want to become the slave and server fisrtt and formost, and even take corporal punishment for failing or to train and once its become fluid and natural to become submissive friend and companion and form a solid intellectual connection and bond ontop of the establishment of becoming their sub and slave firstand all the while be seen as sincere and relaible, as well as honest and truthful so while developing comfort and natural in the roles we come to trust eachother more and more, even if it takes a year of straight service and deity worship i would love a dominant with whom total trust in eachother and in the partnership is shared as a gate way to intimacy. I would love to be trusted fully and to have the duty of running a spa like bath for my Dominant in which i help heer out of therir obe and into the water treated with salts and essential; a level of comfort and trust where i could bathe them in ways that were even sesnsuous and intimate without ever being taken away with lust, but all focussed on washing them their entire body, every curve roll and fold with love and care and staying focussed on the tak of cleansing and bathing them, caring for them nd their skin; i fantasize about that sort of relationships where after washing and bathing my dominant , while they relax and soak i stit with them in silence and waiting, or maybe they will allow me to sit with them whle they saok and read to them from a book, before helping them up, out, and into their robe and towel after softly but thoroughly patting them dry and working the lotion into their flesh then into another robe for whil they sit an recieve foot worship and massage, therapuutic yet sensual, yet with the purpose of therpy and care as well as worship , meaning not aimed at producing orgasm, but not without sensuality ; after a brief worship with feet still in my hands and in my face and while feeling attraction, sexual energy , and adoring my dominant i am tasked with cleaning their feet, removing calouses and dead skin and giving them a professional treartment and pedicure .

I wouold love an opportunity to connect with the Deity and the Dominat starting with service and slavery that develops into companionship and partnership in functions and purpose (You), to gain trust and to develop the kind of closness and intimacy involved in things like bathing, and gromming, prushing hair and dressing them, even doing make up if they wear it , to be so close that i have had their naked flesh in my hands, and have felt lust and desire, i have felt Love for them with that and thus for the dominant to also feel fully accepted and completely desired beyond self consciousness before ever being included in the sex life of my dominant, or before engaging in femalecentric sexuality of serving her pleasure and erogenous zones , and to have that unity and sense of belongingin, of being humbled and without possesiveness of them as spouses have before engaging in sxual intimacy even sexless meaning no penis stimulation or PIV but even before im ever allowed to worship her breasts only bringing them each to orgasms by focussed stimulation, before i am ever allowed to worshib her gential region with oral worship i would love to have first developed the trust, comfort, and acceptence, even to have suffered through their sadistic desires and have found that suffering to brin me pleasure i would love to have my role to them established in my soul and identity, for my trust in them to be complete where i felt compelled to give it all to them and have faith in cnfidence in them, and besides their acceptence of my submissin to have been dominated by them as well and for them to feel safe, accepted, and adored by me even loved before they allowed me to drink from their their juices and life giving fluids that exude fro their sacred space and will feed my spirit and desire for them to have all that, and those levels of closeness and intimacy all developed in the D/s dynamic is what i fantasize about having with the Dominant before ever touching her with the intentions of connecting through serving her with intimate and affectionate touch and intentions to learn her and learn to please her in every erogenous zone to her precise desire .

Trust developing slowly along with closenessand a fluid, smooth, n, and authentic dynamic slowly over time and really becoming strong as a way of courting a Dominant and Goddess before being considered as a partner to share intimacy with, including kink, would be ideal, but Im also not looking to be fullfilled.

Im seeking a dominant who im already aligned with in many so that conforming to them and accepting training, along with tuning into them, will be natural and not forced except with genuine effort and desire for success.

I would love if I were allowed to grow their food in a garden that is for their health, along with everything else that they envision. Im an experienced homesteader, organic produce farmer, pot grower, and master of Natural farming, as well as having served as grow master on cannabis farms here in Nor Cal and San Diego. My personal vision is for Natural farming, a new paradigm permaculture system that is beyond organic and is soaligned with nature that it isn’t in harmony with nature; it is nature, and actions are taken within nature. I feel it is a good philosophy and contribution to a world and vision created to serve the female and to help her cultivate and grow her divinity and Goddess power and to become her deity.

i Have yeafrs experience and vast knowledge, also a mushroom cultivator.

I was a birth attendent and midwife to the offspring produced with their mother, as I said, but also due to odd circumstances i first had my daughter by myself while she was an infant, but then produced my son with their mother who I then had by myself along with the toddler aged daughtet raising them both alone, without help in off-grid settings usually where i also homeschooled them through which they received top notch education, the boy was ready fro medical school by 16 through a low impact cirriculum. Im not seeking a new family but would be enthusiastic about serving a matriarch by helping as her submissive in raising children their way, as the sole center of the family and decision maker, meaning an FLR family/Matriarchala unit.

I consider myself pansexual. I don’t have physical types that I prefer nor ethnic types I prefer. Compatibility is in other things: someone I can trust easily and who is authentic and serious about owning her male sub, who demands obedience yet also seeks a companion who may even challenge them when appropriate

I’m definitely homoflexible in a femdom or flr setting but the reason I don’t think of myself as bisexual is that, despite a feeling that i may enjoy bisexuality i do not like male attitudes. I feel prone to the role of submissive and bottom in relation to bisexuality and have no desire to top a male, yet i would not want to engage with a male due to their attitude and ego in that way where I was the bottom and submissive with them penetrating me while also being cocky and egotistical. The female center of an FLR triad relationship, or an FLR mFm threesome would likely mean the ego and cocky attitude would not be there, as both in submission to a Female dominant is the only place I’d explore that sort of bisexuality as being female-centric, not male-centric; thus, no male dominance of me sexually or even if bisexual interactions are involved.

I Am a pleasure top or bottom with females, bottom only to another male if involved. Pleasure top meaning things like breast worship or even some forms of oral, but essentially in my desire to hold and please a female sexual partner in ways i described meaning like stimulation of errogenous zones i am a pleasure top if that’s the right term. I can be aggressive if the dominant desires, or totally submissive and bottom. I’ve not explored my bottom side much except with one partner who surprised me with things that made me realize i may be submissive and a bottom who can be vers with female partners as a pleasure top.

Im gender non-conforming. when stuck with kids i chose t well really i became overtaken by the compulsion to raise and care for them as a nurturer and in a motherly way. When my mom took me to help out at my dad’s job site, where he was building a house he designed and who was also a skilled carpenter, I chose naturally to do the work my mom did instead of the constructi stuff like Dad. I wanted to help out by vacuuming. Id rather do housework while the boys go shooting or whatever, really rather than anything with the boys. Ive always hungout with LGBTQ and although not fully identifying as same sex attracted i feel more cofortable with gay people than with straight cis dudes whom i cant relate to, with and always felt uncomfortable on how they talk about and pick up on women though never questioned my masculinity or attraction to women. Im not competitive and masculine but not macho at all and not toxic masculitnity, in fact, lotsa genderbending and simpatico , motherly and in ways womanly though that will never be anyones guess by seeing me, which they will see on the surface as masculine for sure. Im grey sexual, demisexual, and sapiosexual. I have a capacity fror massive levels of sexual energy that can be built up and cultivated by engaging in femalcentric sexual intimacy and practicing semen retention that I’d like to explore.

Im aloso interested in exploring the feeling of agape love from my dominant and Goddess that is directed at them through what i have been calling Trance adoration; a state of concentration and adoration of the object of focus and attention that I can reach thats like meditation sort of, but that results in what i can feel as the release of oxytocin and the feeling of love without conditions that is an adoring love. I feel their is potential for spiritually connecting with Dominant as my Goddess and that will be the place for trance adoration and maybe involving prayer or not, but as worship and to empower.

I tend to find myself drawn to those who identify as BBW/sBBW, as both my last relationship counterparts did, and like FLR, Femdom, and matriarchy i am proud and open and out, yet iI was marries, in love, and totallust of my expartner who was very tall and a waif who I desired and adored.

So have no fear about appearances, conventional or otherwise, or worries about racism or ethnicity being a deal at all. Able bodied or not, it’s about a spirit i wish to connect with and submit to along with being taken in by.

Feels like I’ll be adding more, as well as going over this to fix up and remove some redu to reduce the word count but for now this is my bio and appeal to the dominants and deities to take me in in some way with the right person to serve them until Im dead