So you have been the head of your household for years now but are still unsure of how to manage your home and your husband. There are certain things that you like but others that you dislike in an FLR. There are times when you would like to know how to act in order to both increase your own satisfaction and enhance the relationship between you and your husband.
Don’t worry — you’re not alone! Like you, most of us wives in charge ended up in this position at the request of our husbands. What we thought at first was only a passing kink morphed over time to the foundation of a stronger, more loving relationship where we lead and our husbands follow. Yes, it is a lot of work for us – but even more work for our husbands ;)! — but let’s face it, we like being bosses. The question comes up in our minds, though: Are we doing what’s best to enjoy being a dominant wife while enhancing our relationships with our men and keeping them happy? After all, we married them because we love them and we do want to keep them happy….
Well, I can’t answer all your questions, but I can certainly offer you a framework to help you think them through and decide by yourself what’s best.
First, the preparations. Think carefully about the relationship you have now with your husband — not what it was in the past or may get to be in the future, nor what it’s supposed to be or you or him would like it to be, but what it really is, now. Then, prepare the following lists. Don’t worry if you can’t come up with 10 items, but do try to complete the lists if you can.
- List the 10 things that you LIKE most about your female-led relationship with your husband.
- List the 10 things that you DISLIKE most about your female-led relationship with your husband.
- List the 10 things that you WOULD LIKE TO INCORPORATE to your female-led relationship with your husband.
Now that you’ve completed the lists, go back and rank them in order of importance TO YOU.
Now think about each item carefully and answer the following questions for each one:
- How can I get MORE (if you like it)/LESS (if you dislike it)/TO INCORPORATE this into my female-led relationship?
- What AM I DOING/NOT DOING that is preventing the above from happening?
- What IS HE DOING/NOT DOING that is preventing the above from happening?
So what is it that will let you enjoy being a dominant wife while enhancing your relationship with your husband and keeping him happy? Let’s think about it a little bit.
After our little exercise, the changes that you should make so that you can enjoy more being the dominant party in your marriage should be obvious: make sure you get more of what you like, less (or none!) of what you dislike and add those other things that you are not yet getting but you would like. You already made notes about what you and your husband need to do to accomplish these things. It’s simple. Now you know what you need to do to make YOURSELF happy.
As far as enhancing your relationship with your husband, it’s obvious that anything that makes you AND him happier will make the relationship better. Agreed? Great!
Now, let’s talk about how to make HIM happy. Some of the changes that you would like may mean more work, less free time, even pain and suffering for your husband, so there may be a conflict here between what’s best for you and what’s best for him. So what are you to do? Well, he submitted to you years ago, right? And not only he hasn’t asked you to return to the old relationship dynamics, but in fact he keeps asking you to take more control over him, doesn’t he? So… it seems that in order to make him happy you ought to make all the important decisions according to your own preferences. As long as he sees that any changes that you introduce make you happier, he’ll also be happier. Don’t be fooled if sometimes he acts like he wants to regain control. That’s his way of calling to your attention the fact that you need to TAKE more control over him and your marriage. Remember, you can’t ASK for more power, you must TAKE IT.
If the last paragraph makes sense to you, then you will agree that you will make HIM happier if you make changes that will make YOU happier. If you don’t agree, discuss the matter with him. Tell him that you are thinking about making some changes, describe them and ask him how he feels about them. Ask him to be honest because once the changes are in place you will not want to go back. If your husband is remotely like all the other submissive husbands I know, I have no doubt that he will make the case for you to order the changes immediately and will cooperate enthusiastically to implement them.
This is the last step. Go ahead and make the changes that you have determined are needed. Don’t hesitate and don’t let your husband slack in any way. By making these changes you will the happier head of a happier household, followed by a happier husband, even if it’s hard for either or both of you at the beginning. Don’t relent!
-By J.A., woman, author and longtime reader of this website