How to get started in a FLR

Before starting a Female Led Relationship know your goals, motivations, desires, and rules for a successful real FLR.

How to get started in a FLR

For the Female – put aside all fear for the moment and think this through

  1. Do a self-assessment of what you want from your relationship and man as your servant mate or slave
  2. Think through what you want to control (sex, finances, life direction, household chores, his free time)
    1. do you want more or less than 100% control and or final say? – answer why to yourself
  3. Think through management control – how will you control?
  4. Think through keeping yourself motivated – what benefits would be your rewards?
  5. Think through keeping him motivated – what benefits would be his rewards?
  6. Think through remediation (for failure to keep his agreement) – what is positive reinforcement and how will you use punishment?

The motivation for the man is some kind of need — something he needs her help controlling, He needs something from her and the relationship he is not getting. It wraps itself in kink and desire but it is actually very simple, he needs some else to help him change because he is not content within himself. Behavior modification is a good tool but it requires willful participation from both of you. My advice is don`t give in to the dark side. Degradation and humiliation cannot be undone without great pains and it is the opposite of relationship building and often damages the woman more than the man. So keep it real, and positive, punishment is a useful tool when applied appropriately but degradation and humiliation never work in positive relationships.

Behavior modification works for you as a woman to build your confidence and trust in your leadership and management control skills. You should have a plan to make your relationship “like it was when you first met and he was working hard to woo and please you.” You want that back all the time.

For the male – put aside all kink for a moment and be real

  1. Do a self-assessment of what you want from your relationship and woman as your leader or master?
  2. Think through what you want her to control (sex, finances, life direction, household chores, free time) and how much? The probability is very high that she wants 100% control of sex and household chores and 50-70% control of all other things. but she might want final say in everything and she might require your obedience.
  3. Think through how you want her to manage you – how will she control, think of how much work it will be for her? Do you even know know she wants? from you? in life?
  4. Think through keeping yourself motivated – what benefits would be your rewards?
  5. Think through keeping her motivated – what benefits would be her rewards? Do you know how she is motivated?
  6. She definitely does not want to micro-manage you or watch your every move or become something she is not so think very very carefully through remediation (punishment for failure to keep his agreement)

Your goal “man” is to work to instill confidence, satisfaction and trust in your woman – NOT pleasure or pampering or privilege. See seeks peace, security, trust and confidence and she needs to see you make the kinds of changes you wish without violating the boundaries she has. If you break her boundaries you will go backwards not forward. If you do not want to do this just don’t start. If you are pushy or whiny all you will accomplish is a worse relationship and the lowered respect of your woman. Passive aggressive people tend not to tell others what they want and expect them anyway, then complain when they don`t get them; that is why you will put out front what you want and what you are willing to do; expecting her to pick and choose what she wants and you need to become satisfied with what she has chosen – otherwise you both are just in a temporary kinky MLR and nothing more, and you are manipulating her.

And oh by the way — you cannot force a passive, submissive or docile woman to become your leader – she does not want that. Do NOT expect any woman to act like the images and videos on the internet; that is vulgar and degrading – allow her to be herself and develop her style and methods she wants — with your love, patience and input.

Both of you: Don’t push, don’t rush! For the sake of your relationship talk about how you want things to go and make an agreement in writing that addresses these things.

  • How long do you want your agreement to last?
  • What is expected of each of you?
  • Affirm your goals for FLR (harmony, intimacy, trust, fix what is broken etc…)
  • How will he address and interact with her?
  • What will she do when he is not living up to the agreement? What will he do when she is not living up to the agreement?
  • How will you work to adjust your agreement when you need to.

For her: Kink is only kink until you try it then it is less and less kink until it become normal for you. When I was young I thought of blow jobs as kinky and always wanted to try it. Because he (and perhaps you) is looking for some level of kink, start with some of the things in the list below to keep his mind on the goals you both set for your relationship. There are some themes men seem to have which you should discuss with him (he is a slave, he is in chains or cuffs, he is naked you are clothed, you are very strict etc…); and then there are some way out there (cuckolding, sissification, S&M, cages etc…) get him to reveal himself to you in detail; you may not like what you learn but you are the one who is going to decide what you both will do, period end of story – pick and choose from this start list any or all you want and for goodness sake get him off porn before it permanently damages him:

  • He makes himself more attractive to her
  • He is going to woo her like he did when you first met
  • He is going to learn from her how to do chores the way she wants them done — she will keep a score card on how he is doing (authoritarian)
  • He must follow her commands, stop, kneel, bow, kiss feet
  • He must be in chastity – she will hold the key (chastity slave or chastity/key holder)
  • He must never masturbate unless she gives permission (your have control of his sex life)
  • He must climax only when being penetrated in his man hole (role reversal – the woman is the sexual aggressor, he is the object)
  • He will attend her while he is naked (alternately in a slave apron) while you bathe, shower, and/or dressing/undress (butler)
  • He will do household chores naked (alternately in a slave apron) (house boi)
  • He will bow to her on command (alternately on hand signal) (low slave/queen)
  • He will remain silent when she raises her finger until she give him permission to speak (authoritarian)
  • On command he will get on his hands and knees naked for a strapping (disciplinarian)
  • On command he will do corner time (boi)
  • He is to meet her are the door dressed nicely or undressed or kneeling (role reversal, seeking approval)
  • He will give oral/finger sex to her as trained or on demand and does not get any reciprocal sex (sex slave)

For her: Expect the first 21 days of this to be awkward as it takes time to get into a routine. I suggest you do not allow him to climax for the entire 21 days. Most men will whine about the sexual build up. To keep him motivated through this period, remind him that this is what he wanted and that it is good for both of you as it gets you to your goals. Make sure he is busy serving you and there is enough interest to get the idea across to his mind that you are in this with him and the outcome is a positive one. You are in the process of behavior modification for both of you; you as the leader and him as the follower, reinforce this with reward (his reward is you allowing him to serve you (remind him), your reward is getting his service and whatever you want.

Visualize what works

Visualize Female Led Relationships

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Mmmm

    I need help pls

    Me and my wife into this relationship even before that it is call flr but we were into femdom long time ago and day after day it turned to be flr which I am happy with .

    But she always punish me when she is mad or angry that she doesn’t want this relationship and she hates it and that I am the only one after it.

    This really hurts me and get me out of the mood because I humbled mysel5 for her in extremes like completely serving her mother as my Dom ( not sexualy) and even cuckolded with her gf online alot (sexualy) which was both against my desires but I accepted that because I don’t believe in saying yes or no to my Goddess.

    We are Muslims in closed social culture which we get alot of circtsim about she being the dom and they don5 understand what is flr they see it as she is the man and I am the woman and I don’t mind and don’t care and Sked her before if she hates that and she also said so and that she liked, that everyone notice how she is super strong controling me .

    She controls everything except decisions at our private business which we own together but because she triebd before to control it and she failed , she decided that I will be the boss only at work , as its better for us and our children snd out business that I manage it not her .

    The problems comes now ,

    Whenever she gets mad from something I did at work ot out life, she starts to declare that she hates this relationship, a d I am the only one who is after it , and ppl looks to me with no dignity or respect because I am so weak.
    I hate this so much and it breaks me , I really Dont care how ppl looks to me , but I really care that this is her hidden feelings and beliefs.
    I even started to hatr what I did before and try to live normally but cant even be man enough to face ppl I served like a normal man like her mother , who used to abuse me , ask me to clean shoes , rib her feet , drive her etc…
    I didn’t car5 before of what I did but now I see I was wrong.
    Sko I decided to stop the flr and be Norrmal couples as she likes to be ..
    But again she refuses that and she tells me that , she is only interested in flr

    So I go back , and once she is not into mode, aga5 accuses me that I am after thid relationship and she doesn’t want it .

    And now I really dont know what do , I really dont mind being in flr or not
    I love her so much, and she also does a d I am surre of it …

    But I can’t serve her again as before because I am sure she is strong enough to save me and face everyone with what she loves

    In the last 2 years she went in and out this relatioon ( the flr ) more than 10 times

    I am always accused that I am. NOt obedient
    I accepted more stuff to prove that I am obdienbt and now all my body is full of burn permanent marks

    I still don’t care but when she decides that she want5 to stop the flr , I hate myself that I accepted that for nothing.

    I really don’t know what to do

    We both visit a therapist

  2. Bobbie

    While growing up I was taught to be courteous and considerate to women and girls by doing things like holding a door open and letting the woman enter first, opening a car door for a woman, giving up my seat on a bus or subway, at dinner always serving the woman first and remaining standing until she is seated. When I was older and began dating, I was taught to be a perfect gentleman and always defer to the girl’s wishes. Needless to say, I remained a virgin until my mid-20s.
    When I met my wife-to-be, I had no clue she’d be the leader in our relationship but she responded positively to my extreme deference to her. As newlyweds, she assumed control of our checkbook, credit cards, and paid the rent and bills and I was expected to clear with her any purchases I wanted to make. To make a long story short, she controls 4.5 of the “food groups” with my influence limited to groceries (and that’s only because I do the cooking and clean-up). We didn’t have any discussion or agreement at that point, it was just the chemistry between us.
    It wasn’t until later when we became “formal” in our FLR that we had discussions and written agreements regarding consequences for disobedience or poor performance.

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