Punishment is one of three subjects that polarized people about female led relationship. Punishment is not a requirement of any relationship yet I think we can agree it happens in relationships and it is often a women punishing a man. Take the ever popular "cut him off" punishment as an example. In level 1 FLR no one is going to punish anyone so this article is about level 2-4 FLR where both partners have agreed to a female led relationship and the woman has taken control of at least a 1 food group and the couple has agreed to punishment as remediation. If the woman has not taken control and the man has not agreed to punishment - don't do it because it is not consensual. This article will consider three kinds of punishment - 'Physical', 'Non Physical' and 'Self' and three methods: 'Strict', 'At Will' and 'After Correction'.
In all cases for this essay we will use "Dan" the man and "Sheila" the woman as our examples. We will use a simple example about the food group "Household Chores" and we will assume Dan has been tasked with laundry because Sheila has control of that food group.
Perhaps the most controversial and least applied, the method most requested by men and the hardest to keep up - strict method means there will be punishment for any infraction all the time without fail - some couple want this because it is simple to understand. A couple choosing this will likely have an alternate relationships and must be in level 3-4. He will likely be subservient to her, slavish or treated like a boy and she will the absolute ruler of the home not just the head of household (HOH).
Any couple can use this during the training or adjustment period too and then choose another method for the duration of their relationship. This is a good candidate for man "in training" when he has a long way to go and if the couple should choose outside help with training. It provides a great deal of focus on him which helps with his connection issues and tends to humble him. Women should note that many have reported discovering a person inside themselves that actually enjoy this while other report it is ugly and they did not want to continue.
example: The timing - "Now, when discovered;" The setting - "Dan is at attention, kneeling or otherwise focused on Sheila;" The conversation - "Dan I am disappointed with the laundry you have been doing, I want all clothes cleaned as they accumulate - you will comply - do you understand what I said and the correction I want from you?". the punishment "something he does not like that helps remind him of his responsibility and that he had given his word."
At Will method means she chooses the tone and mode of punishment and it can be for nothing, a specific thing or only big things and she can change that "at will"; this makes sense for women who have control of all 5 food groups as in level 2-4 FLR. This method gives her freedom but may be confusing to him. She may also be a bit confused not knowing how far to go or when to apply it. This method is "standard/built in" to women who get angry, it allows them to vent frustrations without destroying the relationship. The woman will likely consider herself bossy, she can be any leader style: Commander, Facilitator, Teacher, Other. He will likely be the Submissive type.
example: The timing - "When she says it is time;" The setting - "Dan is at attention, kneeling or otherwise focused on Sheila;" The conversation - "Dan I am angry and disappointed with way you have been doing laundry, I want all clothes cleaned as they accumulate do you understand what I said and the correction I want from you?". the punishment "something he does not like that helps remind him of his responsibility and that he has given his word."
After Correction method means that she will teach him a better way first and share why she is disappointed, then if sufficient progress is not made there will be punishment. This is the most adult like method which is commonly practiced in the work place (though physical punishment will not be applied). A loving nurturing women can do this as a regular course of her life.
example: The timing - "When she says it is time;" The setting - "Dan and Sheila are discussing why she is angry;" The conversation - "Dan I am disappointed even a little angry with way you have been doing laundry, I want all our clothes cleaned as they accumulate, no build up. This morning I could not wear what I needed for work because it was dirty. What I want you to do is each day see if we have a load and do it. Fold it right from the dryer, don`t wait. Please spend this week impressing me and tell me every day when you did what I asked. If you make the correction I will be happier and if not then we will need to resort to punishment. Do you understand what I want?, do you agree to comply?". the punishment "nothing unless he fails to correct then something he does not like that helps remind him of his responsibility and that he had given his word."
No need to trouble yourself if you are not going to use physical punishment. When adults practice physical punishment it is wise top get an agreement on paper and store that paper in a safe place - each of you should have a copy. If you don`t have it you remain vulnerable to civil and criminal actions against you. If you hit someone who does not want to be hit it is a crime. If you continue to hit someone who does not want to be hit it is abuse. Both of those things can lead to bad places, law suits, divorce and criminal court so get it in writing and get a trusted witness. It is not a legal agreement but it will explain your actions if things blow-up in your relationships. If you don't have an agreement in place take the time to write one. If you don't trust your mate, don't do it. It has been in the news (mostly men punishing women). [read more "Making your Female Led Relationship Agreement "]
Self punish is when he punishes himself at your direction. Imagine a situation where you gave him a direction/command and told him what the consequence would be if he failed to comply. If he is obedient he can do this to himself even when you are not there. "it is 8PM on Friday night - you are out with the girls, he has failed to complete the laundry as directed because he was distracted playing video games. He sets himself in timeout in the laundry area for 15 minutes then completes the task." Might sound silly but think it over, he is building "self-control." All of us punish ourselves with comments "I am so stupid", that kind is not healthy, focus on the infraction "I did a stupid thing", and fix it. Any physical and non physical can be self directed. He might confess his error to his woman if that is part of his agreement with her
We don`t believe humiliation (including sissification) is a good form of punishment except in a boot camp approach to training where the trainer need to break down the trainee before build them back up. Humiliation can also be a last resort to correction where the sin is exposed publicly so the community can help the woman correct the man. Generally humiliation is destructive for both the woman and the man even in play. If in play use a kind that does not address on-going issues either partner already has. Relationships thrive when both partners are being "built-up" not destroyed.
The 5 Food Groups In depth
|Women were asked|
|I like the thought of punishing him?|
|In Some Ways||No||Yes|
86% of women like the idea of punishment in their relationships. The trick is being comfortable with your choices and responsible to your core values in doing it.
|Women were asked|
|I like the thought of changing him?|
|In Some Ways||No||Yes|
Women overwhelmingly like the idea of changing their men. 89% of those polled were positive about it.
|Women were asked|
|The thought of spanking him?|
97% of women find spanking their man at kleast interesting - this might be in play but compare it to the punishment question.
|Men were asked|
|I want to practice punishment in our FLR?|
|If She Wants||No||Yes|
94% of men are asking or at least willing to accept punishment from their women